Family Matters
Chapter Nine

Rating: PG
Category: AU
Pairing(s): Cloud/Reno, Tifa/Barret, Aeris/Tseng, Zack/Sephiroth, Vincent/Cid, Reeve/Rufus, Yuffie/Elena.
Warnings: Don’t grab the duck by the bill unless you’re looking to start something, and never rub your eyes after handling cayenne peppers.
Summary: Cloud just wants to go home, and Zack gets married.
Notes: This chapter is shorter than I would have liked, but I realized if I stuck everything into it that I wanted to, it would be ninety pages. So don’t think of it as a short chapter. Think of it as a segue into the next mini-series.

Sorry about the long wait. I have since learned that nothing in life is lost if you have good friends willing to share love, compassion, understanding, and, failing that, a baseball bat upside the head. I have also learned the best way to get yourself out of a funk is a couple bottles of beer and a few choruses of ‘Alice’s Restaurant’ played very, very loudly. Repeat until you realize you’re not the creep you felt like, or until the neighbours call the cops.

This chapter has two accompanying illustrations by Animama.

The return trip to Healin was much easier. Sephiroth was utterly at peace with the entire universe, settled on the bed in the back of the transport, Zack beside him, stroking his hair. On the other bed was Cloud. He was also utterly at peace with the world, curled up on his side, spooned against Reno’s back, his face buried in his red hair.

Reno could have stayed at the manor house, but would not be parted from Cloud. It was probably just as well he insisted on coming; Aldus would be at the spa, and would have a chance to examine him thoroughly, anxious to keep an eye on both his nephew and his developing child.

They reached the spa in the early afternoon, Zack opening the doors and stepping out, watching as two men in white uniforms walked up to take Sephiroth out of the transport.

“You’re going to need more men than that,” said Zack.

“Oh these men are orderlies, they lift patients and equipment all day,” said Dr. Pierce.

“Uh-huh,” said Zack. He watched as the men went into the transport and attempted to lift the stretcher, and failed miserably with a near-audible wrenching of backs. “I repeat, you need more men. He’s engineered for power, guys. At last weigh-in, Baby was six hundred and three pounds.”

Zack supervised the unloading of his husband, walking alongside the stretcher, following it into the building. Cloud was easier to move; even with Reno on the stretcher, the pair did not add up to more weight than the orderlies could carry. Cloud and Reno were taken to a room, and the doctor removed the small device from Cloud’s back, saving it to study.

Sephiroth meanwhile was taken to another room, to have blood and other fluids drawn. Zack stood by his side the entire time, hand resting on his lover’s hip, who was left on the gurney because he was simply too heavy to be moved. So Sephiroth lay on his side, calmly watching the people around him. A nurse eyed the waterfall of white hair, then stepped before Sephiroth to look into the fogged eyes.

“I’m going to tie your hair up for you, otherwise it’s going to get stepped on or caught in something.”

He blinked. “Fine.”

Zack grinned, knowing how much his husband did not like to be touched by strangers, and he had a special hate for people playing with his hair; likely because that was the first thing most people wanted to do upon meeting him. Zack’s grin became a chuckle as the nurse tied up the impressive silken mane with the only thing she could find; a pink fluffy hair scrunchie. Oh yeah, that was going in the photo album. Zack pulled out his phone and took pictures.

“I’m awake, you know,” mumbled Sephiroth.

Zack giggled. “No you’re not, you’re having a nightmare.”

Sephiroth snorted, but was far too sleepy and peaceful to do anything more.

Zack stayed until the nurses had gathered the samples they wanted, and they had helped him onto the bed. The device was removed, Sephiroth was left in peace to sleep, and Zack decided to go in search of Yazoo. He eventually located him in another room, a nurse at his side, cleaning the large hole where Hojo had injected the fluid. Zack walked over to him, looking down at Yazoo, gently running his hand over his long hair. He stared with disgust and horror at the hole.

“The needle must have been the size of a bicycle pump,” muttered Zack. He glanced up at the nurse. “And it’s not healing?”

“It is healing,” she said, “but very, very slowly. With his heightened immune system and regenerative abilities, it should have closed long ago. We have no idea what they injected him with.”

Zack made an irritated sound, shaking his head. He resumed stroking the white hair, and smiled when Yazoo’s eyes opened. Yazoo raised his head, looking groggy, and it seemed to take a few moments for him to recognize Zack.

“Hi,” said Zack. “How are you feeling?”

“Cold, and sick. Can we leave?”

“Soon,” said Zack softly. “As soon as… whoa, Yazzy, don’t get up…”

Yazoo ignored Zack’s gentle reprimand, sitting up, placing his hand on his side. He was frightened by the thought that no one had the faintest idea what he had been injected with, as well as the terrible solitude in his head, and it reflected in his eyes.

“You okay there, Baby Bird?” asked Zack softly.

“I don’t hear her. I don’t feel her.”

Zack gently pushed the long hair out of Yazoo’s face. “Well that’s good, isn’t it?”

Yazoo shook his head. “I don’t know. I think I really did kill her.”

Zack’s eyes grew large, wondering if Yazoo had just said what he thought he had. “Kill her?”

“Mother. I smashed the box, and then I stepped on her head.”

“You what?!”

“She was going to give me to Hojo for his experiments. I had to defend myself.”

Zack hoped Yazoo was right, and he really had killed her. He took his small hand, looking into the frightened green eyes. “Yes, you did. You had every right to protect yourself.”

Yazoo looked around, shivering. “Where’s Chip?”

“I think you mean Andy,” said Zack.

“No I named him Chip.”

Zack decided to address the issue of naming one’s friends and treating them like errant hamsters another day. “He’s in class. He’ll be here at four.”

“Well when’s four?”

“Just another few minutes. Not long at all, Baby Bird.”

Yazoo nodded, and glanced down at his side. “It hurts.”

Zack was worried for him, reaching out to touch his hair, trying to reassure him. “I know. We’ll find a way to make it better.”

Again Yazoo nodded, and glanced at the clock, which was just an unreadable wall ornament to him. At four o’clock, Andy walked in, and Yazoo perked up immediately, smiling. Andy smiled in return, walking over to Yazoo, shyly taking his hand.

“I missed you,” said Yazoo.

“I missed you too,” said Andy.

Zack watched the pair, sensing what they were feeling. Yazoo was happy and excited to see his friend, but, from Andy, Zack heard uncertainty mixed with a little fear, though he seemed to like Yazoo quite a bit. Still, Zack could tell that Andy felt he was in over his head. Yazoo was beautiful, but he was a clone, and on top of it he was male. Zack could sense Andy was having a hard time with all this, but he seemed genuinely interested in being Yazoo’s friend.

“I brought you a book,” said Andy. “I know you can’t read, but I thought you might like the pictures. And maybe I could teach you a few words.”

“I’d like that,” said Yazoo.

Zack decided to return to Sephiroth, and leave the pair in peace.

***---***

Home at last.

Cloud had never been so glad in his life to be back in his little villa, snug in his own bed, the cats stomping over the covers, purring and waiting for Cloud to rise and feed them. Cloud ignored the cats for the time and lay beside Reno, watching him. He had his eyes closed, a look of pure contentment of his face, not asleep but definitely at peace. Cloud moved closer, resting his forehead against Reno’s, slipping an arm around him.

“Glad to be home?” he asked.

Reno nodded. “Thrilled. Here in my own bed, with my cats, and you, and…” He raised his head to look at the small clock on the bedside table, noting the time just as he heard a key turn in the villa’s front door. “Seven a.m., yo. Cid’s right on time. I guess he’s glad to have us back. Now he has a place to fry things. I hope Vincent has something cute on the side; Cid’s not gonna be with us much longer.”

“Why not?” asked Cloud.

“Oh come on, smokes, drinks, considers pork a vegetable… Vincent’s gonna be the first one to lose a husband, yo.”

“I hope not. Vincent doesn’t have a lot of emotional resources. I’d hate to see him go through what he did when Cid vanished for a year. Of course… I’ve seen you and I do some less than healthy things to our bodies, too.”

“Yeah, well, the opium and absinth will have to wait until this baby is twenty before we play with that again, yo.” Reno raised his head and listened, able to determine what Cid was doing by the sounds he heard. “He’s making eggs and sausages, and… oh I think he’s making pancakes, too.”

Cloud grinned. “Must be his way of letting us know he’s glad to have us back as neighbours.” He kissed Reno, bringing a hand up to trail his fingertips over his face. “Want me to bring you breakfast in bed?”

Reno smiled. “Yeah.”

Cloud kissed him. “Okay.”

He rose from the bed and dressed in a pair of old combat pants and a sleeveless t-shirt, walking out of the bedroom and into the kitchen to see Cid making breakfast and smoking.

“Morning, Cid.”

“Morning. Glad to be home?”

“You know it. Rufus has a gorgeous house, but… it’s good to be back in mine.”

“How’s Reno?”

“Skinny. Far too skinny for three months. The doctors are worried, he’s worried, I’m worried… if it wasn’t for bad luck we’d have no luck at all. How’s Vincent? Is he past the ‘leave-me-alone-I’m-sleeping’ stage, yet?”

“Seems to be. Though we found out a few interesting things about the Highwind family genes, as well as some other stuff from Dr. Gaywell during our last check-up. Nothing serious or dangerous, but it apparently causes us to make big babies. Very big babies. Perfectly healthy, but not of a size most women want to try to shove out. And far too big for little skinny undead gunslingers. Apparently only the boy babies are affected by this amusing little quirk.”

“You put another Benji in Vincent, didn’t you?” Cloud asked, trepidation in his voice.

Cid shrugged. “Don’t know. See that’s the other interesting thing we learned. If you stress Vincent out too much by, say, for example, seeing his husband with a gun to his head and not being able to help, he can shut down foetal development.”

Cloud tried to grasp what Cid was saying. “Shut it down..?”

Cid nodded. “Baby is in there, five weeks old, which is what it was at the time of the attack. He was a bit more pregnant than we knew. It’s just… stopped. Like suspended animation. It’s not doing anything, and we have no idea how to wake it up.”

“You’re sure it’s not…?”

“Dead? Well that’s what I was worried about, too, but Dr. Gaywell says there are still life-signs, just slowed to a near halt. Until Vincent’s body decides it’s safe, that baby isn’t getting any bigger. He could literally be pregnant the rest of his life if we don’t find a way to wake it up.”

“I bet he’s glad that didn’t happen at eight and a half months.”

“Well see if it was that late we could just take it out. Instead he’s got a teeeeeeny-tiiiiiny little passenger. For all I know I fathered a kid we won’t see until I’m dead of old age. Vincent told me if I want another after this then I’m having it and he’ll be happy to do the re-arranging to make it work.”

Cloud laughed. “And how’s Teddy?”

“Good, though we’re worried about him, too. We still have no idea what Lucrecia and Hojo did to him. He’s home, in bed. We had to hire an in-home caretaker for him because Vincent and I don’t know how to look after him. He’s going to limp the rest of his life because of what he did for Vincent. And…” Cid sighed with false melodrama, raising a hand to his brow. “Teddy and I split up.”

Cloud patted Cid on the shoulder. “That must have been hard. I can tell you’re distraught.”

“Yeah,” Cid flipped a pancake, and gave Cloud a grin. “Guess what Teddy’s new friend is.”

“I have no idea.” He poured himself some coffee. He’d missed Cid’s coffee. “A basket weaver? Potter? Landscape artist?”

Cid waited until Cloud had swallowed his coffee. “A WRO soldier.”

Cloud nearly dropped his cup, gaping at Cid in disbelief. “What? Teddy? A soldier?”

“Not just any soldier. A Major.”

“Teddy. Mr. Anti-War. The same guy who got tossed in jail for chaining himself to a SOLDIER recruitment center and using a megaphone to shout anti-war slogans. That Teddy?”

“That Teddy.”

Cloud blinked in surprise. “Wow. He must be a pretty hot piece.”

“I dunno, I guess huge with lots of muscles and a square jaw must appeal to some people.”

Cloud looked Cid up and down, raising an eyebrow as he smiled. “Well he may not appeal to you, but I have a feeling that big muscles and broad shoulders is definitely Teddy’s type.”

“Yeah, well, I have a hard enough time dealing with the fact that I like guys, I sure as hell don’t want one that looks like a guy.”

“So you admit you like guys. Finally coming out of the closet, Cid?”

Cid gave him an irritated look. “It’s my closet and I like it in here. Pass me the eggs.”

“Nothing wrong with loving another man, Cid.”

“I’m not saying there is, okay? I wouldn’t be getting Vincent into trouble if I thought there was. I’m just saying it’s not an easy part of myself to accept. And I’m allowed to like little men.”

“Too bad you don’t sire them as well.”

“Can I help it if I’m too damned macho for this world?”

The door opened, and Barret walked in, carrying an enormous mallet over one shoulder.

“Hey Spiky!”

Cloud gave him a puzzled look. “Hi! I wasn’t expecting you. Why are you here and armed with a sledge hammer?”

“Didn’t Cid tell you? We’re helping you get your house ready for the baby.”

“Oh, that’s great! But… why the sledge hammer?”

“Well,” said Cid, “Barret and I got to thinking, even if you do fix up the downstairs room, the house is still way too small. So… we decided to expand your living room. Hope ya don’t mind.”

“You what?”

“Gonna knock out that wall, add another room, take off your roof, put in some steps, add another level…”

“You didn’t discuss this with me!”

“Too late, already got the permits. Barret, you want breakfast first?”

“You know it.”

Cloud looked from Cid, to Barret, back to Cid. “But… where are Reno and I supposed to stay while you’re doing all this?!”

“With me and Vincent.”

“We just got home!”

“Well ya should have checked to see what we were doing.”

Cloud felt an overwhelming urge to beat his head against something. Instead he sighed heavily.

“Okay. I’ll let Reno know.”

***---***

“April wedding, the man wants,” grumbled Zack, easing himself into a chair near the koi pond, slowly sitting down. “And what do I say? Sure! Never mind I’m seven months pregnant and the size of a house and just the thought of food makes me want to…”

Zack’s eyes rolled back in his head and he breathed, fighting back the nausea. It proved to be of little avail, and he pushed his bulk out of the chair once more to make his way to the house.

“Ought to just move into the bathroom,” muttered Zack, moving as quickly as his ponderous and unbalanced body would allow. He shot a jaundiced look at the bedroom door as it rapidly slammed shut, but had more pressing matters to attend to at the moment. Zack walked into the bathroom, locked the door, and threw up what felt like everything he had ever eaten in his entire life. He was sitting on the floor, waiting for his stomach to calm down, when he heard a quiet tap at the door, and Cloud’s voice.

“You okay?”

Zack sank to the floor, lying on the cool tiles he had long ago made by hand, painting them with leaves and sea creatures. “Remember that time you and I went into Wutai and drank five bottles of that ghastly sweet liquor they make? This feels a lot like that.” He fought to control his stomach. “Cloud if you could make a pot of ginger tea…?”

“I’m on it.”

Zack nodded, and waited for his stomach to settle. He finally was able to get himself off the floor and cleaned up. He left the bathroom, walking into the kitchen to accept the cup of ginger tea Cloud handed him, seeing concern in his friend’s eyes.

“Zack, you’re grey.”

“Thank you. I tell ya, if we do have any more kids, I won’t be the one carrying them. No way am I doing this again.”

“You have been pretty sick,” said Cloud, tugging at the formal and beautiful dark blue robe with the gold trim and embroidery he was wearing.

Zack grinned, sipping the tea. “Yeah mom threw up the whole time she was pregnant with me.” Slowly the grin faded from his face, and he looked thoughtful. “I miss them. Miki misses them, too, and so does Akira. How am I supposed to tell a five-year-old and a two-year-old that their grandparents are out of their lives because their father disgusts them?”

“Zack,” said Cloud softly, “when you first brought Sephiroth back and said you were going to make him well, I thought you were mad. I honestly thought one day I would find you dead and him off on another blood-hunt. But you made him well. You healed a man I thought well past mending. You built this house, nursed him back to better than before, and made a family. You’re the strongest person I know. You’ll find a way to survive this, too. You’ve got us. We’re family.”

Zack smiled. “Thanks, Cloud.”

“Now get married so I can get out of this outfit.”

“You look good in robes.”

“I feel like a twat.”

“Well you are a twat. But I can’t do anything until Aeris and Tifa finish torturing Baby. I have no idea what they are doing to him in there, but I swear I saw a truckload of white silk and lace go into that bedroom. If they are stuffing him into a gown, I swear…”

“It’s not a gown,” said Cloud. “I’ve seen it. Trust me.”

“Well what is it?”

Cloud smiled. “You’ll see. Then you’ll have to figure out a way to violate him while he’s wearing it.”

Zack’s mood improved. “That good, huh?”

Cloud nodded. “Oh yeah.”

“Well, I’ll have to trust them, I guess. How’s Reno?”

“Still weak, still thin, but better. He’s really improved a lot. We went to the beach yesterday, and he really wants to go camping. The doctors think it’s not a good idea, but you know Reno. I’m so glad to see him being a pain in the ass again.”

Zack grinned. “I know the feeling. So are you going to take him camping?”

“Well they want to give him an examination first, but there doesn’t seem to be any real reason he can’t go. It’s not going to be the deep-wood stuff you and I used to do, anyway. Reno’s a city kid. I thought I would start him off slow. We’re going up to the campground where Cid and Vincent were stuck for a couple weeks.”

“That sounds about right for a guy with no idea what poison ivy looks like.” Zack glanced towards the bedroom. “I wish I knew what they were doing to him in there. I don’t need him getting upset. He’s really not big on the idea of other people touching him.”

“Zack, relax. If Baby was upset we would know.”

“Yeah, I suppose…”

There came a loud crash in the bedroom, and a thud. Tifa’s voice came through the bedroom wall.

“Okay, Mr. Snotty-pants, I’ll loosen it! Boy!”

Zack looked at Cloud. “Let’s just go outside, shall we? I’d hate to have to watch Tifa get her brains eaten. Give me your arm.”

“Sure, here you go, thunder-guts.”

“Oh gee thanks. Just don’t drop me, short-shit.”

They walked outside, just in time to see Cid arrive, one arm around Vincent, the other in a support brace. Zack waved.

“Cid this is getting to be a tradition! Every damn wedding we have, you show up injured!”

Cid grinned. “Just my way of expressing sympathy for the mess you got yourself into.”

“Gee thanks.” Zack looked at Vincent, dressed in his baronial finery, more or less hiding under Cid’s arm. “You just love these events, don’t you?”

“They’re slightly higher in my opinion than being shot and pissed on.”

“Awwwww… I’m so glad you would rather come to my wedding than be shot and pissed on. Give us a hug.”

Vincent cringed and winced, but endured it. Cloud walked over to Reno, who was wearing a beautiful red and blue robe… open over jeans and a t-shirt, his baby a barely noticeable bump. Cloud touched his face, and kissed him softly.

“How are you feeling?”

“Good, yo. I wish Rude was here, this party could use some tequila and lemons.”

“You’re not allowed to have tequila.”

“I know but I can smell it. What’s taking so long, anyway?”

“Tifa and Aeris are stuffing Baby into his wedding outfit.”

“Yeah I can see how he wouldn’t want to get into that pink fuzzy bunny suit, yo.”

Zack overheard that. “IT BETTER NOT BE!”

“Relax,” said Reno. “Only the feet are pink and fuzzy. Hey Cid, when are you dragging Vincent kicking and screaming to the alter?”

Cid grinned, cigarette in his mouth. “As soon as he stops squiggling out of the bondage gear.”

Vincent looked mortified, but said nothing. Zack just closed his eyes and smiled.

“Mmmmmm… Vinnie in bondage.”

Cid gave him a light cuff. “That’s an unauthorized fantasy.”

Tifa just then came hastening out of the house, walking quickly over to Barret and taking his arm.

“He’s pissed,” she said.

“Why?” asked Barret.

“I think it was the corset. Anyway, Aeris got him calmed down. He’s just about ready.”

“Corset?” said Zack, looking distressed. “Tifa, promise me…”

“It’s not a dress,” she assured him firmly. “Trust me, Zack. Cloud and Reno might do that to you on your wedding day, but not us.”

“I wouldn’t put his husband in a wedding gown,” said Cloud. “I’d just get him drunk and leave him face down naked in the mud somewhere.”

“None of you are making me feel any better,” grumbled Zack, while Tifa began rubbing his large belly.

Cloud noticed as Reno and Tseng both raised their heads and looked towards the path leading down the hill. Vincent turned as well, detecting something the others had not yet noticed.

“What is it?” asked Cloud.

“Someone coming up the hill, yo,” said Reno. “I thought everyone was here.”

“Everyone is,” said Zack. “Except for Yuffie and Elena. Even Yazzy’s date is here.”

Zack indicated Yazoo. He was standing near the koi pond, dressed in formal robes, hovering possessively close to Andy, who was clad in a fashionable grey suit, looking dreadfully uncomfortable. Cid narrowed his eyes, a wicked glint in them, but Vincent nudged him.

“Leave the boy alone; don’t you think he has enough to deal with?”

“Ah I wasn’t going to tease the kid. But… uh… what exactly does the little darling psychopath see in the goofy little nerd?”

“That,” said Zack, “is a mystery for the ages to solve. But they like each other, and Andy’s a nice kid. Not sure how long it will last; truth to tell I think Yazoo is just mimicking behaviour he sees around him. Big brother has a boyfriend, so he has a boyfriend. But I think Andy is a calming influence on Yazzy.”

“Well, he has to learn how to have relationships with other people somehow,” said Cloud. “They are a cute couple, though.”

“Yeah, can’t help but feel sorry for Andy, though,” said Zack. “He’s been bullied into a relationship with a crazy guy, and the crazy guy’s big brother wants nothing more than to put little brother in a locked box. I can’t wait until Miki gets asked out on her first date. Baby will have a fit.”

They stood, idly chatting, watching the path, wondering who was coming up the hill. Zack hoped it wasn’t Miranda and her mother with baskets full of food. No way was he fighting monsters at seven months pregnant in formal robes on his wedding day.

“Better not be Lucrecia,” muttered Cid.

Zack winced. That would be too horrible, though how she would get there he had no idea. He felt his friends gather protectively around him, guarding him against whatever may be coming up the hill. Zack was wholly unprepared for what he did see, and his eyes grew large as the elderly couple came into view.

“Mom? Dad? What are you two doing here?!”

Zack’s father, Randal Fair, just stared in astonishment at his broad-shouldered, big-boned son, who was clearly in a condition males were not meant to be in. Zack’s mother Bonnie was staring as well, but at least she found her voice.

“I hope you don’t mind…?”

“MIND?! I thought you were never going to speak to me again!”

She looked worried. “Well we thought so too, for a little while. I can’t pretend we agree with what you are doing or who you are doing it with, but… we thought maybe cutting you out of our lives was… a bit too much. You’re still a good boy, you just… make me want to pull my hair out sometimes. I mean couldn’t you have found a nice girl to marry?”

“I didn’t want a nice girl. If I had a girl, trust me, she would be a very, very, bad girl. Besides, you’ve never even seen my Baby.”

“I have an aversion to sword-waving psychopaths,” Bonnie said.

“Yeah, well, mom, forgive me for saying this to you, but I’m getting married in about an hour, and if you only came here to upset me then I would really rather you just leave now.”

“I didn’t come here to upset you,” she said. “I’m sorry. This is just a little hard for your father and me.”

“Yeah, well, I’m a little stressed at the moment as well. And I don’t…” Zack’s expression suddenly became one of weary exasperation as he noticed a third person coming up the hill. “And just who the hell is that?”

“Oh,” said Bonnie, all innocence. “This is Jeanine, she drove us up here. Jeanine, this is Zack.”

Jeanine smiled and extended her hand, though she did cast a questioning glance at Zack’s middle. She was tall, slim, with long brown hair and a light tan – definitely his type of playmate. There would have been a time he could not have made friends fast enough. But that time was past. He smiled at her.

“Hello, Jeanine, nice to meet you. These are my friends Cid, Vincent, Tifa, Barret, Cloud, and Reno, this is my unborn child, and my soon-to-be husband is in the house.”

“Zack, be nice,” chastised his mother.

“I am being nice. If I wasn’t I would tell you what I think of you bringing me a blind date to my wedding.”

“She’s just a friend! You never used to be this suspicious!”

Zack growled. Suddenly Yuffie and Elena came charging into the party.

“You can relax!” Yuffie yelled. “The lesbians are here!”

Zack slapped his hand over his face. His parents just stared in astonishment.

“You certainly have acquired an interesting collection of friends,” said Randal.

“You should see my enemies,” Zack said as Tifa passed him a glass of chilled juice.

“Well I’d like to get a good look at this man you have decided to waste your life on. I can’t imagine what would compel you to turn queer. We raised you better than that.”

“I didn’t waste my life, dad. And I’m not queer. My husband is queer. I’m bisexual. I’ll screw pretty much anything.”

Cloud nodded in agreement. “He will, you should see some of the alien life forms I’ve caught him with.”

Zack looked at Cloud. “Weren’t you one of them?”

“A couple times, but I felt pretty weird tying my commanding officer up to his bed.”

“That wasn’t me.”

Cloud sipped his drink and looked thoughtful. “That wasn’t you I tied up?”

“Nope.”

“Well we tied someone up. Who was it?”

“Edgington. We tied Edgy to the bed. Remember? We were doing naughty things to him and then the siren sounded and we had to take off and we forgot to untie him.”

“Oh right.” Zack and Cloud raised their glasses. “To Edgington!” They drank to his memory.

Randal and Bonnie looked scandalized and horrified at their son’s antics. Zack had hidden much from his parents, wanting to protect them, but he was not feeling very kindly towards them right then. He was overjoyed they had come, but this was not what he wanted on his wedding day. He wanted peace, and good company, not a date and a reprimand. He glanced towards Jeanine, and noticed the woman looked decidedly uncomfortable. Likely she had been unaware of the real reason she had been asked to accompany Randal and Bonnie to the wedding.

“Is this your first gay wedding?” Zack asked.

Jeanine managed a smile. “Yes, actually. Forgive my asking but… are you really pregnant, or was that a joke? Because I have to say, you certainly look…”

Zack took her hand and placed it on his stomach. “Seven months. Genetic engineering, gotta love it.”

She laughed. “How did you manage that?”

“Well see the mommy and daddy love each other very much, and…”

“Now that part I am familiar with. But no one ever mentioned it can happen to guys, too.”

“Yeah, well, only if you spent time in a Shinra lab with a total fucking maniac rearranging your body on a cellular level. You’re up to your ears right now in former Shinra employees.”

She laughed. “So who’s pregnant besides you?”

Zack pointed people out. “Me, Reno, Vincent, and my friend Aeris, who is currently in the house. It’s an epidemic so try not to inhale, you might catch something.”

“I’m pregnant too!” yelled Yuffie.

Heads abruptly turned in her direction, eyes wide with fear. She looked pleased.

“Scared ya, didn’t I?”

“Fucking hell,” muttered Cid, putting a hand over his heart. “I nearly miscarried myself.”

Aeris walked out of the house just then, looking pleased, clad in an elegant green robe. She offered a short bow to those gathered, hands clasped primly before her, smiling broadly.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the future Mrs. Zack Fair.”

Zack turned to face the door of the house, anxious and excited. He felt his heart melt at the sight that emerged, eyes becoming wide with wonder, jaw slowly dropping. It was definitely not a dress that Sephiroth was wearing, though Zack was not certain as to what exactly to call the silver-white garment. It looked like something from another century; form-fitting breeches clinging to his long thighs, high boots, and a loose shirt worn beneath a silk tunic embroidered with dragons and herons in fine silver thread. A long coat, also embroidered in silver, boasting tigers rather than dragons, was worn over the tunic and breeches, the tails forming a train that blew like castle pennants in a slow wind. Over the coat was another coat, this one of white lace, loose and flowing, the sleeves fluttering like great moth wings, the tails blowing gently like a silken veil. His hair was loose, swaying in the spring breeze, and on one gauntleted fist he had perched his white peacock.

Zack felt his knees begin to buckle, Cid and Cloud catching him before he sank. Zack continued to stare, scarcely aware of his friends supporting him, staring transfixed as Sephiroth walked towards him, a ghost of a smile playing across his lips.

“Do you approve?” he asked softly.

Zack forced himself to swallow. “Oh yeah.”

Sephiroth helped him to his feet, holding him close with his free hand, lowering his head to kiss him. Then, as the kiss ended, he noticed the strangers standing behind Zack. He gazed at them with intense eyes, wary and cold. Zack glanced over his shoulder to see what Sephiroth was studying, and remembered his parents. He stepped aside so each could examine the other, Zack holding onto Sephiroth’s hand.

“Baby, this is my mother Bonnie, and my father Randal. Mom, dad, this is Sephiroth, Miki and Akira’s mother.”

Zack felt Sephiroth’s hackles rise, and Zack ran a hand down his arm, trying to calm him. Bonnie and Randal gazed back, awe-struck and intimidated by the astonishingly beautiful man their son was holding onto.

“Now do you understand?” Zack asked quietly.

Miki ran up, torn between seeing her grandparents once more, and by the overwhelming beauty of her mother. Mom won out, and she went to him, wrapping her arms around his leg.

“You look really pretty,” she said, gazing up at him, awe in her quiet voice.

Sephiroth smiled at her, then he, Zack and Miki turned and walked quietly towards the blossoming cherry trees where once Zack had nursed his husband back to health, and where now the place for their wedding was set up. Bonnie and Randal continued to stare, and finally Bonnie spoke, turning to her husband.

“So why don’t you look like that, you old bugger?”

Randal Fair shrugged. “Stick me in a big lace coat, maybe I will.”

***---***

Cid walked into the house, trailing after Vincent. It was late, he was tired, and he’d had a fair bit to drink at the party following the wedding. As Vincent quietly made his way up the stairs, it occurred to Cid’s alcohol-soaked brain that there was something different about his house. He paused, trying to think what it was, finally realizing there was a life-sized portrait of himself on the wall that had not been there before he left this morning. He narrowed his eyes, and stared at the picture, grinding his teeth in aggravation. It was himself, standing outside, leaning on the massive spear he used in combat. Nothing too odd, save for what he was wearing. Someone had skilfully photo-shopped him into a purple taffeta gown with puffy sleeves and a wide hoop skirt, the frilly petticoats peeking out beneath. His goggles had been replaced with fluffy bunny ears, though his leather gloves had been left on, though with purple puffballs added to match the ears. To make the picture complete, he appeared to be pregnant.

“Vincent, we have to have a talk about your friends. Specifically the crazy one with the parrot.”

“I was wondering when you would notice that.”

Cid growled. “Up to my ass in numbskulls.”

He made his way up the stairs and into the bedroom, removing his clothes and tossing them onto the floor before flopping face down onto the bed. He grinned as he felt Vincent straddle his back, kissing his neck, trailing blackberry oil over his skin.

“Should have got married years ago.”

Vincent made a quiet, amused sound, then nipped Cid’s ear. Cid raised an eyebrow.

“I know what you are thinking, Mr. Valentine.”

Vincent licked the oil between his shoulder blades, then whispered softly into his ear; “What am I thinking, Mr. Highwind?”

Cid sighed, and then laughed quietly, in far too good a mood to argue. “Oh fine, go ahead."