 |
Backfire Rating: PG |
Vincent did not want to go. Did. Not. Chivalry be damned, there were just some tasks that a man should not have to do. Winging his skinny butt to the nearest possible town to buy Miss Tifa a pregnancy test because she and Cloud decided to have epic “we-might-die-tomorrow” sex on the edge of the crater and then not dying was one of them. Oh he understood why she was asking well enough. They could hardly fly the Highwind all the way back to Icicle Inn just to take her to the pharmacy. It was not only impractical, it would cause a lot of questions of the sort Tifa probably would not want to answer. Vincent could fly there and back quickly and privately. He just… really didn’t want to be caught standing in the Family Planning aisle of the local drugstore trying to pick out the right brand of pregnancy test. Bad enough Cloud was occasionally bullied into making a tampon run; Vincent’s generation just Did Not deal with Female Issues. “Oh please, Vincent! Just do this one thing for me this one time.” Her dark eyes were large and pleading. Vincent was musing on how, until just a moment ago, the worst thing that had ever happened to him was getting shot by Hojo and turned into a Gorgon. He faced her in the empty hall of the Highwind, trying to think of a diplomatic way to say ‘fuck no!’ Nothing diplomatic was coming to mind. Then the door opened and Cid stepped into the hall, smoking and studying a schematic, and Vincent saw an out. “I’ll do it if Cid has sex with me.” Tifa’s jaw dropped. Cid pulled up short and stared, blue eyes huge as he asked himself if he had really heard Vincent say what he thought he did. “Hah?” said Cid. “What?” asked Tifa, her tone one of utter disbelief. “I’ll do your favour if Cid has sex with me.” That was it. No way Cid Highwind would have casual sex with an undead gunslinger. He was way too macho to consider such a… Cid grabbed Vincent’s arm and began dragging him down the hall, grinning. “Don’t worry Tifa, I don’t know what you want him for but I’ll make sure he can still do it when we’re done.” This was just not shaping up to be his day… |
Disclaimers: All Final Fantasy Seven characters, places and situations are the property of Square Soft/Square Enix and are used without permission and without intent of plagiarism or profit. Copyright for all stories and original characters is with the author, and may not be published, copied, distributed or archived without the author's prior written consent. Metalocalypse, the members of Dethklok, and lyrics to Dethklok songs belong to Brendon Small, Cartoon Network and Turner Music. Copyright for all stories and original characters such as Badger the Roadie is with the author, and may not be published, copied, distributed or archived without the author's prior written consent. All TF2 characters, places and situations are the property of Valve and are used without permission and without intent of plagiarism or profit. Copyright for all stories and original characters is with the author, and may not be published, copied, distributed or archived without the author's prior written consent. All original fiction and the characters, places and situations with them are copyright Magic Rat, and may not be published, copied, distributed or archived without the author's prior written consent. (C) 2003-2012 The Magic Rat |