Cowboy Vin

Rating: PG
Category: AU
Pairing(s): Cid/Vincent
Warnings: Chocobos
Summary: Vincent decides to make the best of a bad situation.
Notes: I don’t know why, but I always picture Vincent as very sarcastic. I mean he never says anything, but that doesn’t mean he’s not thinking things…

A silly little fluffy fic sparked by Animama ’s recent run of ‘Cowboy Vincent’ drawings which can be seen at her Livejournal.

There was no phrase, no oath, no word, no curse that frightened Vincent more than those four little words uttered by Aeris.

“It will be fun!”

No, whatever it was, it would not be fun, it would be hell on earth. It would be the sort of vile experience that one ended up describing to a therapist while sitting with a group of similarly traumatized people in a detox clinic.

“Oh, yes!” said Tifa. “Oh please, let’s go, we haven’t had a breather in weeks!”

They weren’t there to breathe, they were there to catch Sephiroth. Why could nobody keep their minds on the business at hand? There was the nonsense in Rocket Town that resulted in them having that Highwind guy joining the party, then that crap in Wutai with Yuffie stealing their materia and Don Whosit kidnapping Elena and Yuffie, and then there was…

“Yes I want to go too!” said Yuffie.

Oh what fresh hell was this? Maybe he could just creep away while no one was paying any attention…

“Yeah I think a break is in order, Spiky,” said Barret. “We’re tired, we’ve been fighting… we need a rest.”

“Well, all right,” said Cloud. “I don’t see the harm.”

There was much female screeching and giggling and leaping, then Cid asked; “So where we going?”

Here it comes…

“It’s a dude ranch!” gushed Aeris.

Oh waiter, cheque please. Goom-bye, time to be going now…

“And where are you going, Mr. Valentine?” said Aeris.

“Anyplace where my dignity won’t be affected.”

“Oh come on, it will be f… get him, the wings are coming out.”

Vincent felt himself abruptly captured by Cid and Barret.

“Oh no you don’t,” said Cid. “If we have to deal with it, you do, too.”

***---***

Oh. Joy. Could undead commit suicide? How did you kill yourself if you were already dead? There had to be a way, somehow. Really. There did.

“Isn’t it great?” squealed Aeris.

Oh there was something deeply wrong with that girl…

It was not great. Not in the least. No way, uh-uh, no. It was pure evil. It was a collection of little shacks and bigger shacks and a barn-sized shack and a chocobo paddock, all done up to look like something from another century. There were even tumbleweeds and wagons and… oh dear gods of Gaia was that a cow? There were cows. Did these people not realize just how disgusting the average cow was? Of course chocobos were not exactly hygienic eith…

What did he just step in? Oh he so did not want to look…

“We’re in luck!” said Tifa. “We’re the only guests!”

Gee, colour him surprised.

“We’re taking that cabin over there,” said Aeris. “Come on! If we hurry we can do the trail ride!”

Yay. Just… fucking… yay.

“I’m in!” said Cid.

Barret looked at Cid, surprise in his dark eyes. “You ride?”

“Hell yeah! It’s fun! Do you?”

“They don’t make chocobos in my size.”

“Yeah guess not. Oh well.”

“Cloud, are you coming?” asked Tifa.

“Sure, I guess. Just let me get changed.”

“What about you, Vincent?” asked Yuffie.

Lord I’d rather be shot and pissed on. “No, I don’t think so.”

“Oh come oooonnn…" wheedled three female voices in harmony.

Why did they ask him if he wanted to do something if they were just going to badger him into doing it anyway? It made no sense.

“C’mon, Vin,” said Cid, clapping him on the back with a leaden hand. “Let’s get you changed and all ready.”

One of these days he really was going to mention how very intensely he disliked being pounded on like a favourite German Shepherd. Cid abruptly stepped back, blue eyes large and surprised. Vincent gazed back at him, wondering what he had reacted to. Then realization dawned.

“Sorry. I hiss.”

“Damn straight you do. What did they do to you?”

“Do you really want me to answer that?”

“No, I probably don’t.”

Vincent walked with Cid over to their cabin, deciding as he entered the small structure that things were looking up slightly. The little log cabin was cool and dark, with a stone floor and curtains that could be drawn shut. Much better, definitely an improvement on hot sun and dust. He breathed out a sigh of relief.

“You’re really hating this, aren’t you?” asked Cid quietly.

Vincent nodded listlessly. “I agreed to come with the group because… I have personal matters to settle.”

“And playing dress-up with a pack of crazy ladies wasn’t part of the bargain.”

“No. It wasn’t.”

Cid nodded, propping his lance in a corner and inspecting the rustic little lodge. Finally he turned back to Vincent.

“Look, I know it’s kind of a pain in the ass, but… we all could really use a break.”

Vincent nodded. “I know. But…”

“You need some time alone.”

Vincent nodded. Hey maybe this Cid guy wasn’t so dumb after all.

“Okay. So you stay here and rest, and I’ll go on the trail ride and you can have some peace.”

“Thanks, Cid.”

“Hey that’s what friends are for.”

Friends? I don’t have friends.

Do I?

Vincent watched Cid as he departed, then he picked a bunk and laid down on it. Blessed peace and isolation, how I have missed thee…

Outside, he could hear voices.

“Where’s Vincent?” asked Yuffie.

“He’s taking a breather.”

“Well is he okay?”

”He’s fine, he just wants some time alone.”

“But he’ll miss all the fun!” said Aeris.

“Look, Aeris, the guy just wants a little alone time…”

“Well maybe we should keep him company,” said Tifa.

“Yeah, maybe he needs some cheering up!” said Aeris.

“No,” said Cid, “I think he needs some peace and quiet.”

“But…” said Tifa.

“Look,” said Cid, “I realize this may be a bizarre concept for you three, but I think Vincent really does just want to be left alone.”

Yuffie sighed dramatically. “So he was miserable on the road, and he’s going to be miserable here!”

“Yeah well if being miserable makes him happy then let him be miserable. C’mon.”

“Well that makes a whole lot of nonsense,” said Tifa.

“Just let the man be.”

Vincent listened to them walk away, feeling strangely guilty. He always felt guilty when he disappointed a lady, it was his nature, his upbringing. It also landed him in his current situation; undead and stuck on a dude ranch.

Where was Jerry Springer when you needed him?

It was pretty nice of Cid to give him his peace, though…

Vincent napped for a while, then made coffee and cleaned his gun, his gauntlet, and the lethal brass fittings on his shoes. He glanced out the window at the cows lying contentedly in the grass, ignoring a pair of little girls climbing on them. There were a few sheep out there as well, and a couple goats. They were of a very small variety he had not seen before. A man in full cowboy gear was playing with the ram, laughing as the determined little beast shoved him around.

Gee, everyone was having fun but him.

Maybe… maybe he could just this one time forget how shattered his heart and spirit were and just… go play with the critters. Why not? What was the worst that could happen? He could end up undead and locked in a casket? Been there, done that.

He wrapped himself in his cloak, donning his formidable brass gauntlet and shoes, and headed for the shop across the narrow dusty road from his cabin. He entered, and flinched when he was greeted loudly and cheerfully.

“Well hello there! My my my, well aren’t you the fancy bird!”

Oh good grief, what is that?

Vincent knew he was a product of his generation. He liked his stereotypes… well… stereotypical. Standing before him was probably the most flamingly gay man he had ever encountered, who was also built like a Brahma bull and wearing a belt buckle declaring him to be a champion bull rider. Great. Well that explained why the other cowboys let him get away with the pink hat and matching boots.

“Oh my goodness you are just too dark. What can I do for you, sugar? What… oh I love your gun!” The dark eyes sparkled, and he grinned. “Can I touch it?”

There was just far too much innuendo in that question.

“Sure.”

The man clearly knew his way around firearms. He examined Cerberus with great delight.

“You know if you showed me a picture of this, I would have said it would never work. My goodness, this is some beast. What’s his name?”

“Cerberus.”

“Well colour me shocked and surprised, a triple barrel gun named Cerberus. Did you think that up all by yourself or did your mommy help?”

Vincent brandished the brass claws on his gauntlet. The man handed him back his gun.

“Okay well clearly you can do catty better that I can with those claws, so! What would you like?”

“Whatever I need to look like the cowboy I’m not and survive the next few days here with my friends.”

“Now that I can do. Now… how attached are you to the whole Lawrence of Arabia look?”

“Very. I’m… scarred. Badly.”

The man nodded. “Okay. Well, let’s get you dressed.”

***---***

“This bird hates me,” said Cloud, trying to make his black chocobo obey.

Tifa giggled. “Well his name is ‘Sephiroth’, what did you expect?”

“They could have told me that before I picked him as a mount.”

Cloud attempted to rein in the wilful bird, only to have it suddenly lower its head and begin hopping and flapping madly. Suddenly it made a mad dash for the nearest tree, scraping Cloud off and making a break for the stable. Cloud got to his feet, shaking his head before chasing after the bird.

“And once again I’m chasing Sephiroth across the planet!” he bitched.

“WARK!”

“Get your ass back here!”

“WARK!”

Aeris giggled. “Poor Cloud.” She patted the dun-yellow feathers of her own bird. “You’re a nice birdie, aren’t you, Sunset?”

The bird made a quiet trill, her half-grown chick following after her. Aeris looked at Tifa.

“What’s your bird named?”

“Candy Corn.”

“Mine’s Dandelion,” said Yuffie, patting the bird. Her riding skills were less than stellar, so Barret had come along to lead her chocobo for her. Beside Barret was Nanaki, Cait Sith perched happily on his back.

“What’s yours called, Cid?” asked Tifa.

“Jade. Makes sense for a green chocobo.” He watched Cloud chase Sephiroth, who abruptly reversed his retreat into a charge. He hit Cloud full on and suddenly there was a rolling, screaming, warking ball of feathers and leathers. “I like that bird.”

“Show him who’s boss, Spiky!” called Barret.

“He knows!” yelled Cloud, hanging onto the feathered head.

“Why don’t I think that bird’s name is an accident?” said Aeris.

“WARK!”

“Try scratching him behind the ears!” called Tifa.

“Why the hell would he do that?” asked Barret.

“No reason,” said Tifa primly, blushing slightly.

Cloud finally managed to get the black chocobo calmed down by offering it some treats. Sephiroth happily picked at the ground, eating the greens as Cloud once more got onto his back. Sephiroth finished eating, then began limping slowly and heavily back to the group of riders.

“Not buying it,” said Cloud. “Come on, be a good birdie.”

Sephiroth eventually gave up his ruse and sulked, feathers fluffed out, looking annoyed. They reached the ranch and led their chocobos to the stable; everyone but Cloud who was pitched off and given a perfectly aimed kick to the crotch before the culprit headed straight for his own stall.

“You okay there, Spiky?” asked Barret.

“No,” he squeaked.

Cid passed Tifa his reins, then got off his green Chocobo, walking over to Cloud and helping him up.

“Come on, Limp-Along, let’s get you to the doc.” Cid helped Cloud up, but paused as he spied a red and black figure lurking shyly by his cabin. The long red coat blew softly in the warm evening breeze, strands of his long black hair fluttering gently. He had a long black scarf around his neck, and a black Stetson pulled low over his red eyes. Cerberus rested on his hip, and his long slender legs clad in black denim. Cid stared, blinking.

“Is… is that Vincent?”

Cloud turned his head, studying the tall figure near the cabin. “I think it is.”

Cid stood, staring at the figure. Cloud rolled his eyes and limped slowly to his own cabin, while Cid began making his way over to the form on his own porch. He grinned as he stepped onto the rustic wooden boards, drawing close to the person standing there.

“It is you!” He reached out to take Vincent’s chin in his hand, not terribly surprised when Vincent stepped back, red eyes studying him from beneath the brim of his hat. “Look at you. Where the hell did you find a red long-rider coat and matching hat?”

“You like it?” asked Vincent quietly.

“Well yeah I like it,” said Cid, reaching up to try touching Vincent’s face once more. Vincent again drew back shyly, but something about his demeanour told Cid he didn’t especially mind, he was just not quite ready to let someone put their hands on him. Cid drew a little closer, grinning.

“Well look at you! Got your leather gloves, and cowboy boots, and spurs… and black leather chaps…” He made a small noise of want.

“Cid? You’re drooling.”

“Should I stop?”

“You just don’t strike me as the sort who drools over other guys.”

“I’m Cid Highwind, I can drool over whoever I like. And I think I like you, Mr. Valentine. Ever watch that animé ‘Hellsing’? Alucard was when I first realized I had a serious thing for guys with red eyes in dusters.”

“Am I going to have to change cabins?”

“Nah.” Cid reached up one more time, moving his hand slowly this time, gently reaching out, but once again Vincent demurely moved away. Cid grinned. “You are just adorable.”

“I… don’t really like to be touched.”

“Well that’s okay, let’s just work on being friends first.” He fought an urge to try to touch him one more time. “You really are… wow.”

Vincent looked shy and uncertain, but he smiled, lowering his head. “Thanks.”

Cid shoved his hands into his back pocket to avoid the temptation of touching Vincent. For a few moments there was a pleasantly uncomfortable silence.

“Wanna… go for a ride?” asked Cid.

“Didn’t you just get back?”

“I could go again.”

“I’m… not a very accomplished rider.”

“I could show you.”

Vincent nodded. “Okay,” he said softly.

Unaware they were being watched by their friends, Cid and Vincent left the porch and made their way to the stable, selecting a pair of chocobos. Cid saddled it for Vincent, then helped him to get onto the large black bird. This one was named Zack. Cid hoped that, whoever ‘Zack’ had been, he was better behaved than Sephiroth. Cid got onto his own black chocobo, Angeal.

“Come on,” said Cid, and grinned. “Cowboy Vin, the prettiest gunslinger in the west.”

“And his blind companion, Cid.”

“I know pretty when I see it. C’mon, let’s ride into the sunset.”

They set off at a gentle pace, heading for the trails.

“Cid?”

“Yeah?”

“The sun is setting in the other direction.”

“It’s not my fault the guy who built this trail had no sense of romance.”