Hair of the Dog

Rating: PG
Category: AU
Pairing(s): Cid/Vincent
Warnings: None
Summary: Sometimes home remedies have strange side effects.
Notes: For motherdevampire.

Cid was at the end of his rope. Vincent was sick, and nothing was helping. He had taken him to every doctor he could think of, but the truth of the matter was there simply was no known cure for pneumonia in gorgons. So Cid sat and watched as Vincent became weaker and weaker, and his slender body grew more and more thin, and the fever burned him mercilessly. Cid had sent the kids off to stay with Aeris and Tseng, closed the hangar, and had resigned himself to watching the only person he had ever loved die. Together he and Serafina manned a silent and painful vigil over Vincent’s weakening form.

It was early evening. The house was dark and silent save for the quiet crackle of the fire in the hearth. Cid was seated in a chair beside the bed, gently stroking Vincent’s long hair. In a similar chair beside him was Serafina, her thin hands crafting a tiny lace baby gown, her mind far away in thought.

“There is one thing we could try. But it is risky.”

Cid looked to the elderly woman. “How risky?” he asked, his voice soft and cracked with emotion.

“It requires herbs that are very poisonous. In proper amounts, they will soothe the symptoms. If there is too little, they do nothing. Too much… well…”

“Do you know how to do this? How to mix these herbs?”

She nodded. “I do. But there is a chance they will do more harm than good.”

Cid looked down at Vincent, slowly stroking the long black hair.

“I don’t think we have much choice.”

Serafina set aside her lace-making and left the room, leaving the house and heading out into the rain and darkness. She was not gone long. Cid heard her return and begin preparing the herbs, mumbling to herself as she chopped and cleaned. Before long she came up with a mug of steaming liquid. It was a dark purple in colour, and smelled of honey.

“How do we get him to drink it?” Cid asked.

Serafina held up a small syringe meant to give medicine to children. “A few drops at a time.”

It was a long and tedious task, but eventually Vincent had been given the entire mug. There was nothing to do now but wait.

***---***

Cid awoke to a familiar sensation; a wet cold nose in his ear. He waved his hand.

“Skippy go ‘way.”

The nose moved briefly, then poked his neck. Cid groaned and mumbled, then rolled over. His eyes shot open as the nose poked his stomach.

“Dammit, Skippy, what have I told y….” He stopped talking, staring at the creature on the bed beside him. “You’re not Skippy.”

It was not Skippy. It was in fact the Gallian Beast, tongue lolling, tail slowly wagging, hellish eyes fixed straight at him. Cid raised an eyebrow.

“Why do I have the feeling I’m not going to like this?”

The monster pawed at him playfully, then made a soft “wuff!” sound.

“I am definitely not going to like this,” said Cid. “Serafina! There’s a werewolf in my bed and I think it’s your fault!”

Serafina walked into the bedroom and paused, blinking at the gigantic furry creature.

“Where is my Vincent?”

Cid pointed to the Gallian Beast. “You’re looking at him.”

“Don’t be foolish, that is not my Vincent.”

“Believe me, I’ve seen him in this shape before, numerous times. This is Vincent. But he normally only shifts into this form when he’s enraged. Wonder what’s up?”

The gigantic wolf-like creature rose to all fours, stomping over the blankets until it was satisfied, then thumped heavily down, eyes closed, tongue lolling. Vincent did not look enraged. He looked like any other perfectly content demonic hound. He shook his head and sneezed violently.

“Serafina what was in that potion you gave him?”

“Oh just usual herbs, belladonna, opium, white willow bark, and wolf’s bane.”

“Terrific.”

Serafina looked worried. “You think was maybe the wolf’s bane?”

“Well that’s my guess.” Cid reached up to skritch the broad furry skull. “At least he seems to be feeling better.”

Vincent thumped his tail and slowly rolled onto his back, paws dangling, genitalia on full display. Cid just sighed and rubbed his belly.

“You are going to be a very mortified little Vincent when you feel better.”

The beast suddenly scrambled to his feet. Barking furiously, he leapt off the bed and went tearing downstairs to give the mailman the scare of a life time. Cid scrambled off the bed, still dressed, and chased Vincent down the stairs.

“NO! BAD VINCENT! DO NOT CHASE THE MAILMAN!”

Cid’s efforts were in vain. By the time he reached the mail box, the carrier was off in a cloud of dust and Vincent was hurtling towards Cloud’s house. As Cid watched in horror, the massive furry brute leapt straight up, landed on Cloud’s prized motorcycle and began gnawing on the tires. For the first time ever, Cid got to hear Cloud shriek in horror.

“VINCENT WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

Cid ran up, stopping short as he watched Vincent gleefully gnaw the rubber off Cloud’s wheels. Cloud turned to Cid, hoping for some sort of an explanation, blue eyes huge.

“Cid? Why is Vincent eating my bike?”

“Serafina used one of her home remedies on him last night.”

“Terrific. He owes me a set of tires.”

A tire popped with an explosive bang. Vincent yelped and dropped the motorcycle, backing away from it. He stared at the offending machine for a long moment, ears erect, whiskers perked forward in confusion. He then began barking furiously at it.

“Cid you need to have a word with Vincent’s mom about her home remedies.”

“Yeah no kidding. Then I need to think of a suitable bribe to get my mailman to come back.”

“Doggie!” said Kin loudly. “Daddy, doggie!”

“Yes I see the doggie,” said Cloud as Vincent prowled up the stairs to sniff his tiny daughter. Kin grabbed him around the neck and hugged him as Reno came out to see what was going on.

“Charming,” he said. “You should enter him in the Midgar Dog Show. He’d win Best in Class for sure.”

“Hilarious,” said Cid. “Why don’t you go sit down some place before you fall over and break your pregnant ass?”

Vincent sneezed on Kin as she grabbed the inviting black ball of his nose. The child was not amused.

“GROSS-NESS!”

“I see we have been letting Yuffie baby-sit,” said Cid.

“Only in an emergency,” said Reno.

Kin continued to hug and pet Vincent, pulling his ears, grabbing his nose, burying her small face in his thick mane of soft fur. Cloud went for the camera as Reno smiled at the pair.

“So how long until Vincent turns back into Vincent?” he asked.

“No idea,” said Cid. “Last night he was dying. Now he’s up and frisky but he’s a hairy beast. What am I supposed to tell Benji and Aiden?”

“Just say ‘I’m sorry kids but your Mom’s a bitch’.”

“Oh you’re hilarious.”

Cloud came out with the camera, followed closely by Reno’s cat Johnny. The moment Johnny saw Vincent, he rose up on his toes, his tail fuzzing into a bottle brush. Vincent stared at Johnny, the tip of his tail wagging rapidly. Reno scooped up his kitty, who continued to growl at the huge dog-like animal. Cloud took a photo of Kin pulling Vincent’s ears, then lifted her up.

“C’mon short stuff, time for lunch.”

“Wanna pat the doggie!”

“You can pat Vincent after lunch.”

Cloud took Kin inside. Vincent cautiously extended his nose to Johnny, sniffing warily. With lightning speed, Johnny’s paw shot out, rapidly striking Vincent’s nose several times. Vincent yelped and fled. Johnny escaped Reno’s grasp and tore after him. Several hundred pounds of Gallian Beast fled howling down the street, hotly chased by an eight pound pussy cat. Cid swore and took off after them.

“Save my cat!” yelled Reno.

“Screw your cat!”

Johnny did not chase Vincent far, only to the sandy beach before turning back home, satisfied he had bested the intruder. Vincent was standing on the shore, shivering, his nose bloody and his tail between his legs as Cid walked up.

“What are you doing, you silly shit?” he said softly. “Come on, let’s get you home and see if your mom has a cure for werewolfism.”

Cid scratched him behind his ears, grinning as one back leg kicked. Oh man Vincent was going to be a VERY unhappy little undead gunslinger when he came out of this. Assuming he did. Cid hoped he did; he wasn’t sure he could stay married to a giant dog.

“Oh how cute!” gushed a female voice. “Is he yours?”

Cid looked up, and saw three of the hottest chicks he’d seen in a long time; a blonde, brunet, and a redhead. All his favourite flavours. They had everything he liked in a woman, and lots of it. He tried to remember how to speak as one of them reached out to pat Vincent’s broad head.

“Yeah,” he finally managed, watching as his furry husband was surrounded by sensual oiled bodies.

“Aw he’s so cute!” The blonde of the bunch bent over to look into his eyes, nearly spilling out of her top. “Who’s a cute puppy, huh? Who’s a cute furry puppy? You are!”

Cid mentally reminded himself that he was not supposed to be ogling girls in front of the mother of his children. The problem with that was no matter where he looked, there was just way too much flesh on display.

“What’s his name?” asked the tall leggy brunet.

“Vincent,” said Cid, trying to think of a way to extract himself from this situation before his penchant for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time got him in trouble.

“Hello Vincent!” said the redhead. “Oh you’re so cute!!”

Vincent rolled over, tongue lolling, to let them rub his belly. Cid ran his hand down over his face. There were just no words for how uncomfortable this was.

“What kind of a dog is he?” asked the redhead.

“He’s uh… he’s a Nibelheim Lurker.”

“I never heard of those,” said the blonde.

“It’s a very rare breed.” Cid decided that the situation had just become far too weird for him. “Come on Vincent, we have to get home.”

Vincent got to his feet and shook the sand from his fur. The brunet ran her hand over his powerful humped shoulders.

“Well we’re having a party this evening, why don’t you and Vincent come over?”

Figures. Where were these girls when he was single?

“No, thanks for offering though,” said Cid. “I don’t think the mother of my three kids would be too happy if I did that.”

“Well she doesn’t have to know,” said the blonde.

Cid stared at her for a long moment, then put an arm across Vincent’s shoulders. “Get away from my dog,” he growled, and led Vincent away.

Cid led Vincent back home, taking him upstairs to the bedroom and onto the bed. Together they settled onto the soft, deep bed, Vincent curling up with his head on Cid’s chest. Cid stroked his hand over the soft thick fur.

“Silly shit. You better not stay like this. Things could get complicated. For starters our sex life will never recover. And I have no idea what we’ll tell the kids.”

“Wuff.”

“You get some rest. You were a very sick puppy last night.”

“Bff.”

“Bff to you too.”

The door creaked open. Cid looked up to see Serafina standing in the entryway.

“He’s still hairy,” she said.

“I noticed that.”

“I made another potion, this one with silver-dust in it. It may counter the effects of the wolf bane. I put it in this.”

She held up a fish.

“It’s raw.”

“He won’t care.”

Serafina offered the fish to Vincent. He sniffed it, then accepted it, eating it in a few gulps. He then rose to his feet and stretched, then hopped off the bed.

“Hey where do you think you’re going?” Cid asked as Vincent trotted out of the room.

Cid got up and followed him, trailing after him to the front door of the stone house, watching as Vincent circled and sniffed, making his way to the yard of an exceptionally cranky old woman, none other than Mrs. Felcher. She had never bothered Cid very much, but her neighbour Mr. Brandon despised her because she was forever allowing her massive dogs to roam free, and one of their favourite things to do was break into his fenced yard and festoon his lawn with their droppings. As Vincent squatted in the middle of her organic spinach patch, Cid turned Serafina around and gently pushed her back into the house.

“It’s not our dog.”

***---***

It was late at night when Cid was gently nudged awake. He opened his eyes and turned his head to see a pair of soft red eyes. He grinned.

“Hey, look who’s back. How do you feel?”

“Terrible,” Vincent whispered. “I had the worst nightmare. I dreamed I was a dog. And I did something unspeakable on Mrs. Felcher’s garden.”

Cid gazed at Vincent with an expression not unlike the one Sephiroth gave Zack what Zack was demanding to know if Seph had been snarfing down Cheez-its again.

“Really,” said Cid.

Vincent gazed back at him, blinking.

“I turned into the Gallian Beast, didn’t I?”

“Just for a little while…”

“And crapped all over Mrs. Felcher’s garden.”

“Okay maybe a bit…”

Vincent slowly pulled the covers over his head. Cid gently tugged them down.

“Vin…”

“I have never been so mortified in all my life.”

“Sure you have, babe. Remember last Thanksgiving at…?”

“NEVER MENTION THAT NIGHT AGAIN!”

“Look, Vince, Mrs. Felcher has no idea what was in her garden. It was a big hairy something or other. We live next door to one of the oldest forests on Gaia. It could have been anything. She doesn’t even know you can shapeshift.”

“Why does my face hurt?”

“Yeah that was Reno’s kitty. Look… how are you feeling? Because you were dying, Vincent. We were losing you until your mother gave you that potion. Nothing else was working.” Cid touched his face. “I was getting scared.”

Vincent thought for a while. “Okay I guess. Weak.”

“You hungry?”

“Not really, but I should probably eat. Nothing big though.”

“Toast and soup?”

“Yeah,” said Vincent. “You sure Mrs. Felcher has no idea I can shape shift?”

“Positive,” Cid assured him gently. “I know you’re embarrassed but babe all she saw was a huge wild animal. She has no idea it was you.”

“Well… all right. If you’re sure. If she knows it’s me I’ll need another coffin.”

Cid kissed him. “You snuggle down and I’ll get you something to eat. You’re way too thin. And it’s good to see you awake. You had me scared.”

“I seem to recall something about very large breasts, too…”

“Yeah you were getting all sorts of action down on the beach. Goofy hairball. But then you’re so damned sexy how could they resist?”

Cid kissed him once more, then got out of bed, leaving the bedroom and heading downstairs to the kitchen, pausing just long enough to slip onto his boots. He hated how cold the stone floor in the kitchen was. He took a can of soup out of the cupboard and opened it, then dumped it into a pot. He was hunting for the whole grain bread when he heard a knock at the door. He glanced at the clock, scowling.

“It’s twenty past twelve! Who’s here at this hour?”

He walked to the door and opened it, and was greeted by the sight of a flaming paper bag on his doorstep. He raised an eyebrow and stared at it. He had a funny feeling that while Mrs. Felcher may not know what had crapped in her garden, she clearly knew where the offending beast had come from.

Cid went and got a shovel. Then, scooping the offensively warm and squishy matter up, walked it over to her closest neighbour’s house and left it right next to the loose board in the fence that Mrs. Felcher’s dogs used to break into the yard on a regular basis.

Mr. Brandon was gonna have a fit when he saw what the lousy mutts had left on his lawn this time.