Questionable Office Behaviour

Rating: R
Category: AU
Pairing(s): Rufus/Reno, Rufus/Reeve.
Warnings: Implied threesome sex.
Summary: Rufus has both a choice and a certain shortcoming.
Notes: The fourth of the donation fics for Pyro. This one is for Celtic2Pict, who wanted some Rufus & Reno, specifically a humour fic based on a remark Reno made in ‘Lovers and Losses’ chapter five about how Rufus doesn’t have much in his pants, but he sure knows how to work it. In that series Rufus was having a bit of a fling with both Reeve and Reno, before ultimately deciding Reeve was the man he loved.

Sir?”

“Yes Reno?”

“I’d like to take this opportunity to point out that being chased around your desk is not in my job description.”

Rufus Shinra leaned on his desk, grinning. His reddish-blonde hair was askew, tendrils of it flopping into his face. His shirt was open at the collar, revealing a white throat, and his vest was missing a button. He tried to anticipate which way Reno would go, blue eyes fixed on the leggy Turk.

“It’s my tower, I can be as bad as I want.”

Reno blinked beautiful green eyes at him, batting his lashes, his red hair askew. “Not if you want me to guard your fine corporate ass, sir.”

“That’s blackmail,” said Rufus, grinning like a wolf.

“It is.”

“I like it.”

He tore after Reno, who refused to play fair and let Rufus catch him. Instead he went firing out of the office and down the hall, almost running over Reeve. Rufus reached the doorway and gazed after Reno, hanging onto the wooden frame, panting as he watched the fleeing form.

“Bloody hell. Will somebody please stop him for me?”

A guard shrugged and raised his gun. Rufus let out a strange rusty squeak of pure horror and pounced on the man, snatching his rifle away.

“I said stop him you moron! Not kill him!”

“Well killing him would stop him, sir,” said the man.

Rufus stared at him, hair askew, clothes rumpled. “Good grief, man, do I look like a necrophile to you?”

“Do you mean at the moment, sir?”

Rufus glared at the man, then passed him his rifle. “As the president and owner of Shinra Industries I am ordering you to shove the barrel of this up your own ass then deliver a detailed report on the experience. You have three hours starting now.”

Leaving the distraught man to his less-than-sympathetic companion, Rufus tore after Reno once more, chasing him down eight floors, up a few more, down another couple, and finally losing him in the labs.

“If he turns up in a specimen container then you’re going to be in the one beside him,” Rufus said to Hojo.

Hojo stared at Rufus. “I don’t experiment on Turks,” he said disdainfully. “They are irrational creatures that tend to react as a pack.”

Rufus raised an eyebrow. “And you know this… how, exactly?”

Hojo was spared having to weasel up a response when Reeve arrived, looking annoyed and harried, trailed by Scarlet.

“Rufus if you could just cut out the shenanigans and questionable office behaviour for five minutes…?”

“Not now, Reeve, there’s a Turk on the loose and I have to catch him. Could be dangerous.”

“Rufus I have some documents that you really need to see before…”

“Hey!” said Scarlet, affronted. “Why is Reeve permitted to address you by your first name and I am not?”

“Because I like Reeve,” said Rufus. “I don’t like you. Now if the both of you will excuse me, I have exactly…” He consulted his watch. “Forty-three minutes left on my lunch hour and I would like to make them happy ones before I have to get back to scraping Father’s remains out of the carpeting in my office.”

“But Rufus if you would just please…”

“Not now, Reeve, the game is afoot!” Rufus spied a familiar lanky figure sneaking out of the lab and took off after him, cursing as Reno dove out an open window.

“RENO!” He ran to the window and looked out, nearly collapsing in relief as he spied him on a ledge two floors down. “You silly shit you frightened the life out of me! They’re removing that ledge next week you know, don’t ever try that again!”

Reno blinked up at him. “Removing it? But I like this ledge!”

“Get off it you silly shit!”

“Not if you’re going to call me names I won’t.” Reno crossed his arms and leaned against the concrete wall of the tower.

Rufus growled. “Reno… this minute, if you please..?”

Reno tossed his hair, then lit up a cigarette. “I don’t,” he said, blowing smoke.

Growling and swearing, Rufus began heading to the elevator. “At this rate I’ll be too worn out to fuck!”

“That may be advisable, sir,” said Reeve, following after him. Rufus growled.

“Does he have a potentially fatal venereal disease?”

“No, sir.”

“Then go play with a robot, I know you have one somewhere. It’s almost Christmas and Santa’s coming early.”

“You could always chase me, you know.”

“Nonsense.” Rufus gave him a brief kiss. “You wouldn’t run.”

Rufus ran for the elevator, feeling himself beginning to flag. The elevator doors opened, revealing Tseng, who watched with restrained amusement as Rufus stumbled in.

“Going down sir?”

“Yes, thank you.” Rufus sank down to sit on the floor, knees drawn up, arms folded across the top of his knees, panting. He let his head fall back to strike the glass wall of the elevator. “Tseng I would really like to talk to you about Reno, he runs entirely too fast. From now on I would like all nubile redheads hired to run much more slowly.”

“Noted, sir.”

They descended two floors, then Rufus leapt to his feet to resume the chase. He grinned, noticing Reno was moving more slowly, loping towards the executive spa which was for Rufus’ use alone, and only he could bring in guests. Reno stopped outside of the door, panting, his skin gleaming a soft ivory colour. Rufus walked up to him, capturing him easily and kissing him firmly, running his hands over his fine, slender body.

“So have you stopped running at last?” asked Rufus.

Reno nipped his chin. “Well I suddenly realized that if I kept running you may not catch me.”

“Quite true.” Rufus kissed him again, then released him, turning to the dark polished hardwood door with the golden fixtures and fished a key out of his pocket. As he unlocked the door, he heard Reno ask a question in a soft, almost shy voice.

“Do… you take a lot of men here?”

Rufus unlocked the old lock with a loud clacking of tumblers and pulled out the key, dropping the old iron device into his pocket. “Not many, no,” he said flippantly. “After all I’ve only been president a little while.”

Reno flinched, and Rufus immediately felt badly about what he had said. He turned to Reno, his demeanour softening visibly, and slipped his arms around him, drawing him close.

“I’m sorry, that was a horrible thing for me to say.”

“I’m not a whore, yo,” said Reno in a very quiet voice.

“No, you are not. And I would never dream of treating you as one.” Rufus kissed his face gently. “You’re my friend.”

“Then why was I transferred to the office in Junon?”

“Junon?!” exclaimed Rufus. “I didn’t authorize any transfer for you to Junon.”

“So… you didn’t…?”

“No! Absolutely not! I wouldn’t do such a thing without discussing it with you. Who is in charge of the Turks?”

“Heidegger.”

Rufus rolled his eyes. “I swear if the man were not fat, abusive, vile, disgusting and utterly lacking in hygiene he would have no good points at all.” He opened the door to his private sanctuary. “You’re not transferred, Reno. I’ll see to it personally.”

“So that wasn’t your nasty little way of letting me know you had chosen Reeve over me.”

“No,” said Rufus firmly. “though I admit I’m very torn over which one of you choose because frankly I have deep feelings for both of you. I don’t suppose you would let me pick both?”

“Not a chance. And we’re ganging up on you. We’ve had a chat and decided that you have until New Year’s Eve to pick.”

Rufus winced. “Such a cold cruel world to live in, where I am to be denied a third of my soul no matter how I choose.”

Reno cocked his head and smiled at Rufus. “Nice try, corporate boy.”

Rufus gestured for Reno to go in ahead of him. He moved cautiously into the chamber. Reno had been a Turk far too long to not be the slightest bit wary of a room that seemed perfectly safe. Rufus smiled as he went inside, following after him. He activated the low, soft lighting, turning on the fireplace with a flick of a switch. He pulled the door closed and locked it, then removed his trademark white duster and dropped it onto a chair.

“Care for a drink?” asked Rufus softly.

Reno looked around the little sanctuary. “Thank you,” he said, almost distractedly as he gazed at the chamber. “This place is so beautiful; it’s almost like another world.”

“My father had it built,” said Rufus, as he poured each of them a drink. “I rearranged it a little to suit my own personal tastes.”

Reno hopped onto the bed, writhing on it like a great cat, making snow angels in the deep silk quilts. “This is wonderful. This bed is so soft!” He ran one hand over a silk pillow case. “My mother would have loved to have a bed like this. I swore to her that one day I would buy her the finest bed ever made but… I never had a chance.”

Rufus walked over to Reno, passing him a glass of extremely fine brandy. “Did she pass away?”

“You could say that, yo,” said Reno softly. He accepted the glass. “I don’t like to talk about it. I prefer to live in the present than die in the past.”

“So I have heard you say,” said Rufus, seating himself on the bed. “You know, Reno, it helps to vent.”

“No,” said Reno softly, gazing at the red-gold colour of the brandy. “Because if I talk, I’ll cry, and if I cry I will begin to scream, and if I begin to scream I will never stop.” He sipped the brandy, closing his eyes in pleasure.

“Sounds awful,” said Rufus softly.

“I’m not discussing it,” said Reno.

Rufus grinned. “What if I torture it out of you?”

Reno blinked beautiful green eyes at him. “If you torture me then I won’t let you take my clothes off.”

“Ah. Well that would be a shame, wouldn’t it?” Rufus lay down beside Reno on the bed and softly kissed him, slipping his hand beneath the jacket of Reno’s uniform. He lowered his head to kiss the white flesh of his neck. “You and Reeve really are going to make me choose, aren’t you?”

Reno closed his eyes, tipping his head back to bare his white neck. “We are.”

“I can afford both of you.”

“We’re not that cheap,” said Reno, a cold edge to his voice.

“Sorry. Of course you’re not. It was a joke and one in very poor taste. I’m just… I’m very torn, Reno. I’m so drawn to each of you but in different ways.” He touched his face. “I wish I could have you both.”

“You can’t,” said Reno softly.

“I don’t want to hurt one of you.”

“Well… you’re going to have to. Because this can’t continue.” Reno kissed him hard. “But let’s worry about that later.” He grinned wickedly. “I’ve been dying to see what you look like without that white suit.”

“I’ll make a deal with you. I’ll take my clothes off if you take yours off.”

“I like that.”

Rufus kissed him, then sat up, removing his vest, shirt, shoes, socks, then pants. Reno watched in hungry anticipation, wanting to see him in his full glory. His throat tightened and his heart skipped a beat as Rufus took hold of the waistband of his shorts and slipped them off. Reno stared, blinking. Rufus gazed back at him.

What?” he asked, mildly defensive.

“Nothing,” said Reno, “It’s… very nice. Does it have an older brother?”

Rufus narrowed his eyes at him. “You’re very lucky I’m fond of you. Besides, it’s not the size, it’s the skill.” He grinned wickedly, waggling his eyebrows. “You’re still dressed.”

***---***

“Details!” said Elena as soon as she saw Reno. “Details! Details!”

Reno seated himself at the table. It was the usual one in their favourite little dive, the top permanently stained by lemon, salt and tequila. Reno accepted a lemon from Rude and began quartering it.

“A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell, yo,” said Reno.

“That’s great because we don’t want to hear about the kissing,” said Elena.

Reno shot her a look. “You’ll get a bad reputation asking questions like that, young lady.”

Elena spit a lemon seed at him. Reno grinned and picked up the bottle of tequila, having a drink, then biting onto the lemon, sucking the juice. “Well,” he said, chewing the moist pulp, “the answer to the question that has plagued Shinra Tower for weeks, namely just how big is Rufus Shinra’s Happy Stick, has been answered.”

“Happy Stick?” inquired Elena, lip curled in disbelief.

“Why do we always end up talking about penises?” asked Tseng, taking the tequila from Reno.

“The answer is,” said Reno, “not nearly as big as one would hope.”

“He’s a shorty?” said Elena.

“Well we can't all have one down to our knees,” said Rude.

Elena rolled her eyes. “Please, yours so totally does not go to your knees.”

“It does if you tie a small weight to it,” said Reno.

Tseng dropped his lemon and lowered his head, pressing against his eyes with the heels of his hands. He suddenly leapt up and fled from the table, running for the bathroom.

“Lemon juice in the eyes will have that effect,” said Elena, chewing her own piece of lemon. She turned her attention back to Reno. “Sooo… tell already!”

“Fantastic,” said Reno. “Absolutely the best ever.”

“I though you said he was hung like a gerbil,” said Elena.

“Not quite that short, no. But with Rufus, one can truly say that size definitely does not matter. With him it is allll about technique, yo.”

“I would like to repeat Tseng’s question,” said Rude. “Why do we always end up talking about penises?”

Elena shrugged. Her phone rang and she answered it. “Elena, Queen of the Turks, speaking. Oh hello sir. No sir, I don’t know why there is a goat in your office. No sir, you couldn’t possibly be expected to know that a giant animatronic cow won’t fit out the window. Sir? Uh… what are you doing? Yes I can tell you’re drunk, sir. With Reeve. Well that explains the cow and the goat. Reno? Yes he’s here.”

Elena passed the phone to Reno, who accepted it. “Rufus?”

“Hello, beautiful. Having fun?”

“Was just talking about you, actually.”

“M-hm. Listen, my lovely one, why is there a live goat in my office?”

“I can’t imagine, sir. I left a sheep not a goat.”

“A sheep?”

“Yes, a ram to be specific.”

“I see. So… are you telling me I remind you of a fuzzy male quadruped?”

“I’m saying you have certain things in common,” purred Reno. “But why are you trying to shove a cow out the window?”

“It was malfunctioning all over my floor.”

In the background Reeve growled; “That was not a malfunction!”

“It better have been a malfunction or you owe me a new rug!” Rufus turned his attention back to Reno. “Anyway… Reeve and I were getting together at my place to work out a few details on a very important contract; I’d like a Turk on hand to make sure we actually accomplish something.”

“Then why are you asking me?” purred Reno softly.

“Because you, my pretty love, are a professional. I know with you outside the door no one will be getting in.”

Reno groaned. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

“Afraid so, my pretty one. It’s six-fifteen now, have your dinner and be at my place by seven-thirty.”

“Should I wear clothes?” Reno purred.

Rufus uttered a small sound of pure want. “Yes, unfortunately.”

“I’ll pack my rod.”

“By all means,” said Rufus softly. “You never know when something could… pop up.”

“Seven-thirty it is,” said Reno.

He ended the call then handed the phone back to Elena. She accepted it and put it in her jacket pocket.

“Overtime?” she asked.

“Yeah,” said Reno. “And it doesn’t sound like fun overtime either. Oh well.” He poured himself a small glass of tequila and ordered dinner. “I can always use the hours.”

***---***

“Well this is bloody awkward,” said Reeve.

“And unexpected,” said Reno, lying on his back on the silk sheets that adorned Rufus Shinra’s magnificent silver bed.

Reeve fussed with the covers, Reno unable to help noticing that Reeve was very nicely packaged. The little ‘trail of glory’ down his toned, dark stomach was especially inviting.

“This is not why I came here tonight,” Reeve grumbled quietly.

“Hmm,” agreed Reno, lazily smoking a cigarette. “How did we let him talk us into this?”

“He didn’t seem to do much talking at all,” said Reeve. “He asked and for some dumb reason we followed. Pass the cigarette. I don’t normally smoke but after that…”

Reno handed Reeve the cigarette and the pair lay side by side, gazing up at the silver lace canopy above him.

“Fantastic, wasn’t he?” said Reno.

“Yes.” Reeve glanced towards the bathroom where Rufus Shinra was currently showering. “Though I admit when he first dropped his pants I was a bit…”

“Disappointed?”

“Yes.”

“Me too.” Reno sat up, the pale grey coverlet slipping low over his lean, fair body. He poured himself a glass of wine, then poured a second for Reeve. “Say you don’t suppose this was all some plot to…”

“Get us to agree to let him keep us both?” said Reeve. “I thought of that. He’s just devious enough to try something like that, too.”

“That he is,” agreed Reno. “Going to be hard to say no after this.”

“Not that hard,” grumbled Reeve.

Reno adjusted his pillow and leaned against the headboard, sipping his wine. He accepted his cigarette back from Reeve, and the two lay in satisfied silence for a while. Then Reeve grinned lazily.

“Well he may not have much…” said Reeve.

“But he sure knows how to work it, yo,” said Reno, blowing smoke rings. “Hey, Reeve?”

“Hmm?”

“If this was just a plot… what are we going to do about it?”

“Very simple,” said Reeve. “If this was some plot to get you and me to agree to share him, then poor Rufus will suddenly discover his hot water tank is haunted.”

Reno gave him a puzzled look. Reeve reached down to the floor to take a small remote from his discarded pants, sitting back up and carefully activating it. He pulled up an antenna, then clicked a green button. Rufus Shinra screamed bloody murder as suddenly his nice warm shower because a cascade of ice water. Reno grinned.

“You’re evil.”

“That’s nothing,” said Reeve, eyes narrowed as he shut off the device and leaned over to slip it back into his pocket. “Wait until you see the funny trick I taught his toilet…”