Historical Figures and Ancient Heads
Chapter Four

Rating: PG
Category: AU
Pairing(s): Nathan/Charles, Toki/Skwisgaar, Murderface/Knubbler, Pickles/OC.
Warnings: That damned book of Necromancy is back…
Summary: Nathan and Charles discuss getting older, and Pickles is scared.
Notes: For Nathan/Charles month at brutalbusiness. I’m trying to win a sketch book. Why? Because I’m silly.

Erick Fisher and Birget belong to Rei.

This chapter was written with Rei.

“Toki,” said Charles, “why are you reading that horrible book?”

Toki was seated cross-legged on Charles’ and Nathan’s bed, wearing his blue flannel pyjama bottoms. It had become something of a nightly ritual; Toki would come to the room to read with Charles for a while as Nathan slept. They would drink tea and talk, then Toki would go to bed. Currently Toki was reading the Finnish book of Necromantic Spells.

“I’s lookings to sees if it has spells to fix Skwisgaar.”

Charles sighed quietly. There was nothing that could be done for Skwisgaar. It wasn’t a matter of reattaching a retina or removing a clouded lens; the injuries were mainly on the cornea, which could not be replaced. Then infection had set into the injuries, and by the time all was healed Skwisgaar was lucky to have any vision at all. Skwisgaar would live in a world of clouded shadows the rest of his life, but Toki was determined to find a way to help him, even if he had to use black magic.

“Toki I doubt you are going to find a spell to mend Skwisgaar in a book of necromancy.”

“You right. Dis is bullshit! Dey gots spells for eveyt’ing but eyes! Dey got spells for growing backs legs or hands, spells to raise dead, spells to calls trolls an’ summon disasters, even spell for two men has a baby. Is bullshit! I can gets him pregs-nat buts I can’ts fix his eyes.”

“I’m sorry, did you say…?”

Toki showed him the spell. “See? I can gives him baby, I can’ts gives him eyes.” He sighed heavily. “Well I goings to beds now Charlies. Sleep well.”

“Good night, Toki,” said Charles quietly, and picked up the book, staring at the page.

There it was, the original Finnish on the left side, a translation inserted into the right – a spell for a man to sire a child with another man. He swallowed against a sudden tightness in his throat, feeling a flutter in his chest and stomach as he sat on the bed with the book spread open on his lap. Then Nathan stirred, reaching out to take his hand. Apparently he had not been asleep after all, just dozing.

"Charlie? You okay?"

Charles jumped guiltily; a child caught stalking the cookie jar. "Ah. ...Yes. I'm fine."

Nathan stretched, sleepy and comfortable. "Have fun reading with Toki?"

Charles laughed briefly. "'Fun' isn't quite the word I would use. This was his selected reading material for the night."

Nathan raised his head to look at the book in Charles' hand. "Oh boy. I thought we burned that.”

"We tried. It can't be burned.”

“Oh yeah right, I forgot. What was he reading that thing for?"

“He was searching for a spell to cure Skwisgaar's blindness."

"Aw, poor baby. It's really cute the way he worries about Skwisgaar so much. I always thought once they got together they would sorta fall out of love because the forbidden fruit thing was no longer there, but he just adores him.”

Charles smiled briefly. "He does dote on the boy."

“So did he find anything?"

Charles cleared his throat. "Unfortunately, no. Apparently this book contains spells for everything except curing blindness."

"Huh. That's stupid." Nathan nuzzled up to Charles. "Did it have any love spells?"

"Mmmm. Maybe. I didn't browse." He cleared his throat again, nervously. "Though it... does have this rather... interesting one right here..."

"Oh yeah?" Nathan grinned. "It wouldn't be a werewolf spell, would it?"

“Nathan why do you always assume every time I look at a book of spells it’s to find something to turn you into a werewolf?”

“Because I’m the guy who keeps having to wear the ears and the tail.” Nathan leaned over the book and read the spell Charles indicated. "Whoa. Brutal. Don't show that to Murderface and Knubbler. That much ugly should not be allowed to breed."

"Nathan, that's cruel," Charles scolded. "Accurate, but cruel."

"Aw you know if they wanted a baby I would.... um... yeah sorry I can't make myself say that." He kissed Charles.

Charles kissed him lightly in return, gaze slipping back to the pages of the book. "It's so strange..." he murmured, "to think this could actually be done."

Nathan shrugged. "History is full of tales of men giving birth. The Norse god Loki bore children, so did the god Zeus, and a few others that I could think of if I was more awake. I kinda assume that the tales must come from somewhere. I mean somebody must have done it at some point."

"That's... a good point."

Nathan nuzzled Charles and kissed him. "I wouldn't worry Charles. I'm sure Toki is not planning on having a baby with Skwisgaar. It would be a better guitar player than either of them and their egos couldn't handle it."

Charles gave a quiet, somewhat forced-sounding laugh. "Right. And they're... really too old... to have any business having children."

Nathan had been with Charles far too long to miss that tone in his voice. Nathan slowly sat up and gave him a strange look.

"Charlie...?"

Charles swallowed against his constricting throat again, closing the book. "I think I should put this away. I don't like having it on the bed."

Nathan felt a strange sort of fear grip him - that horrible fear that always overwhelmed him when Charles was sad and he didn't know why or how to fix it, but he was sure it was his fault.

"Charlie... tell me what's wrong."

Charles recognized the tone of Nathan's voice, as well, and turned his attention to reassuring him. Nathan could fret himself into a fit when he had a mind to. He set the book aside and scooted closer to his husband, gripping his hand tightly.

"It's okay, Nate. It's only... I'm being... very ridiculous."

Nathan could be shockingly thick at times. He could also be remarkably astute. "Why didn't you tell me you wanted a kid?"

Charles felt something cold and hard drop into his stomach. "I didn't know..."

"What do you mean you didn't know? You...?" Nathan floundered for words. "Charlie we can't," he whispered. "Maybe ten years ago, but..." He paused, thinking about what he had just said "Man... when did we end up on the downhill side of the mountain? Nobody told me...."

Charles laughed again, bitterly. "Me either. We just... barrelled along so fast. There was always so much to get done, so much excitement. It felt like... we could go on forever."

Nathan drew him close and held him tightly against his chest, kissing the top of his head.

"Charlie we can't," he whispered. "Maybe Toki could keep up with a little kid but... I mean what about your hip? You could fall."

Charles shook his head quickly. "No, I know. We... we just couldn't keep up. It wouldn't be fair." He straightened his back in Nathan's embrace, trying to maintain control of himself. "I never let myself consider it. It was always something I told myself I couldn't have. I mean, there was never time." He shook his head again, more slowly. "And now that I have nearly all the time in the world... I'm too fucking old."

Nathan shook his head but said nothing for the moment, stroking his hand over Charles' back. Finally he drew a breath.

"It's just a dumb spell, Charlie. It probably wouldn't work anyway. Don't upset yourself. It's just a dumb spell. Okay? Don't be upset, babe."

Charles sucked in a deep breath, as well, holding it for a beat or two before letting it out. He nodded slowly. "It's... just a dumb spell. It's stupid. I know that."

Nathan kissed him, then drew him down to the bed, trying to comfort him the only way he knew how. "I love you, Charlie. If... if you really wanted to, I'd do what I could. But...” But think how old we would be in five years, in ten years, in fifteen years? Not to mention there was a very real possibility that Charles could fall….

Charles pressed closer Nathan, tucking his head beneath his chin. "I know. Besides... that spell looked kind of grim. I probably wouldn't want to try it even if I weren't... Even if we'd found it earlier." Sighing, he hid himself further against his husband, voice growing soft. "I just wish... I mean... We might have adopted..."

"Oh we could still adopt," said Nathan. "There are plenty of older kids who need a home."

Charles lifted his head from Nathan's neck just a little. "Yeah?"

Nathan kissed him. "Yeah."

Charles returned the kiss, sighing softly. "I love you, Nate."

"I love you too Charlie." He sighed. "May as well do something right, since the tour is fucked up and Pickles is crippled."

"It'll be okay, baby," Charles whispered, kissing below his chin. "I promise."

Nathan just shook his head, kissing Charles, distracting himself from the sadness with his husband's lean, beautiful body. "Make sure you wake me up early. I promised Pickles I would be there when he gets out of surgery."

"I will. I want to be there, too."

Nathan kissed him. "Good. Now close your eyes. I'm gonna rock your little nerd world..."

Charles giggled softly. "Just a minute..." He stretched one foot out and kicked the Necronomicon off the bed, hearing it hit the floor with a thump. “Now you can.”

***---***

Pickles swatted weakly at the finger lightly poking his nose. A low voice laughed quietly.

“Wakie wakie, Sleeping Pickle.”

“F’k ‘ff.”

“Awwww…. He’s all grumpy….”

Pickles blinked awake, lying on a special bed designed to support his recently operated-on spine. Nathan was very gently tickling the tip of his nose, while Erick stared flaming holes in his broad back for bothering Pickles.

“You okay, Pickles?” Erick asked gently.

Pickles made a series of annoyed sounds, then slipped back into sleep. Nathan looked up at the doctor.

“So what happens now?”

“Well,” said the doctor, “tomorrow we start getting him on his feet…”

“You just operated on his fucking spine!” said Erick.

“As I said, tomorrow we get him on his feet. Nothing long or strenuous, but activity will help him to heal, and he will be assisted. He’ll be given instructions on what he can or cannot do…”

“Which he will ignore,” said Erick.

“Which he better not ignore or he’s going to be a crippled little Pickle,” said the doctor. “But if he’s a good boy and does what he’s told he can be having sex in six weeks, and be a drummer again in about four months.”

Pickles’ eyes opened. “I heard the word ‘sex’.”

The doctor patted him. “Don’t get yourself too worked up yet. You have a long way to go, but you’re not going to get there if you ignore what you’re being told.”

"And you will do as you're told," Charles warned. "I'll hover around you with a clipboard if I have to."

Pickles blinked sleepily. "I don't wanna get up tomorrow. What if I fall? Fergit it."

Erick smiled, leaning over to gently kiss his forehead. "We're not gonna let you fall."

"Yeah well it's naht your back. I didn't fucking want this surgery because all the shit that could happen, now you're telling me to be up tomorrow? NO!"

"Pickles,” said Charles, “you have to follow the doctor's orders. It's the only way you'll get better..."

Pickles glared at Charles. "Go get your spine cut open and fused and we'll talk."

Charles narrowed his eyes. "If that's what it takes."

Nathan reached out and stroked Pickle's long dreads. "Come on, Pickles, they wouldn't tell you to do it if it wasn't safe."

Pickles gave him a cold look. "Yeah and cars don't crash at noon on a bright sunny Thursday when you're dead sober because the tire exploded because some fuck-head at the factory wasn't doing his job right."

"Pickles..." Charles sighed. "If you don't do this, you won't heal."

"It's naht your back," Pickles mumbled. "And it's naht you who is gonna end up shitting in a bag if they did it wrong."

He raised his head, looking for Erick, who stepped closer to the bed.

"I'm here, babe."

Pickles reached out to take his hand, saying nothing as Nathan gently toyed with his dreads.

"What if we set it up so we make sure you don't fall?" asked Nathan.

"How you going to do that?" asked Pickles.

"Well you can use a walker..."

"I AM NAHT USING A FUCKING WALKER!"

"Pickles, it would only be for your safety..."

"I didn't want this operation," he whispered. "I didn't want it."

"It had to be done," said the doctor quietly. "There was no choice in the matter anymore. The bone was starting to break, it was just a matter of time before a fragment worked its way into the spinal cord and you were crippled. Now I understand you're scared but lots of people have this surgery and go on to live perfectly normal lives. And the best way to get things off to a good start is to get you on your feet. By day four you should be able to walk on your own and sit for short periods." The doctor looked at Erick. "I'll be teaching you to help him get up, lie down, and sit. He does need to move but he will be fragile. And don’t let him sit for long periods. Lying is better."

"Right," Erick nodded readily. "I'll do whatever I need to."

"And don't take any shit from him," said the doctor. "Keep a pillow under his knees to help ease the strain on the spine, and do not under ANY condition let him sleep the way he normally does, face down with one leg hanging off the bed."

"Yes, sir."

"We've already taught you how to administer the drugs. If he gets uncomfortable then make sure you give him something. Right now we need to keep him comfortable so he can rest and heal." The doctor then looked at Charles. "And speaking of difficult patients - fell on our ass again last night, did we?"

Charles' eyes widened briefly then narrowed, shifting towards Nathan. "Now who told you that, I wonder?"

"It was a three hundred pound death-metal fairy," said the doctor. "Be careful when you're tired. I have told you this before. No one needs to find you at the bottom of the stairs in a bloody heap. I hate jig saw puzzles."

"I am careful."

"Be more careful."

The doctor gave Pickles a quick pet, then left him in peace, departing the room just in time for Toki to arrive. He paused in the doorway, waiting patiently for Skwisgaar.

"You findings me okies Skwisgaar?"

"Ja, I hears you." Skwisgaar followed the sound of Toki's voice, moving deliberately but confidently. "I can keeps up."

Toki smiled, waiting for him, then stood on his toes to kiss him before they walked into the hospital room to sit in chairs beside Pickles’ bed.

"Aw, poor Pickle,” said Toki. “Dat's what you is gettings for climbings on my Skwisgaar."

"Ja, I's so beautifuls I puts peoples in hospital." Skwisgaar sighed dramatically, tossing his silver-gold hair. "Is a curse."

"Ja buts you deals wit' it so wells." He looked back at Pickles. "So when is you can be gettings up?"

"They want me up tomorrow," Pickles grumbled.

"Pickles doesn't wanna do it," said Nathan.

"Aw we gets him up," said Toki. "We stands Erick ats da other side of da room nakeds."

Erick's gaze lifted to the ceiling thoughtfully. "That could work..." he mused.

"Have him holding a Piña Colada, too," said Nathan.

"I hate all of you," said Pickles. "Except Erick."

Erick grinned. "I'm the favourite."

Nathan lightly smacked the back of his head. "Don't get cocky."

Erick just kept smiling smugly to himself.

"Hey Erick," said Toki, "I shoulds show you da spell I finds last night in books of necros-nancy."

"The Finnish one?” said Pickles. “Didn't we burn that?"

"Tried," Charles deadpanned. "Can't be destroyed by man."

“Can it be destroyed by Birget?” asked Nathan.

“Tried,” said Charles. “It bit her.”

"Aw I likes dat book. An' baby Pickles wit' Erick as papa be cute!" said Toki.

"They'd be gherkins," said Nathan.

"Wait. ...What?" said Erick, confused.

"It's a spell," said Nathan, grinning. "You could get Pickles pregnant."

"...Are you shittin' me?"

Nathan gleefully ran off to get the book, coming back and showing the spell to Erick.

"Right there."

Only because of his work gloves was Erick willing to touch the Necronomicon. He read the spell Nathan pointed out, becoming increasingly horrified.

"Oh... GAHD. This is... this is dark."

"Well I didn't say it was happy," said Nathan. "Just that you could do it if like... Pickles wasn't so old he was turning from a pickle to a prune."

"Nathan I swear to gahd I am gonna get out of this bed and kick your ass."

"That's good, Pickles," Charles encouraged. "Make that your goal."

"Gee thanks a lot," grumbled Nathan.

Charles grinned, sidling up to Nathan and kissing his cheek, muttering a quick "You know I love you."

"I know you need a spanking," Nathan grumbled, and nibbled him.

Toki meanwhile picked up the book and looked at it. "Ja you has to be pretty desperates to do dis. What is tesss-ty-kills?"

"Is balls,” said Skwisgaar.

"Oh. Well I nots sure I bes in da mood afters covering myself in bull blood an' eatings his balls. Mights be okies if deys cooked..."

Charles shuddered. "Oh God, I let that thing touch my bed..."

Toki is grinning, reading the spell. "Hey dis really kinky. Skwisgaar what's you t'ink ofs being tieds up nakeds whiles I do you-know-whats to you covers in bloody skin ofs a bull?"

"Sounds likes last Saturday nights."

Nathan slapped his hand over his face. "Okay we have been inactive for like... WAY too long when Toki and Skwisgaar are getting their sexual role playing games out of a book of Necromancy. And I forbid you two from casting any more spells. ESPECIALLY spells that involve you cutting Skwisgaar open and putting a hawk's egg in his belly then having sex with him."

"Aw I was goings to leaves dat part out."

Skwisgaar began squinting violently at the pages of the book. "You cuts whuts in my whuts?"

"For spell to work I has to put egg in you," said Toki. He pulled out a small flashlight and aimed its light at the pages of the book so there was more contrast between the ink and the paper, making it a little easier for Skwisgaar to see. "Better da egg, da better da baby. We can use hawk egg, or eagle egg.... should probably use raven egg, ja? Woulds make Odin happy."

"YOU ARE NOT GETTING SKWISGAAR PREGNANT!" said Nathan heatedly.

"I is having... to agrees,” said Skwisgaar.

Toki kissed him. "We nots doings it. Woulds ruin you pretty body."

Skwisgaar drew himself to his full height, pushing his hips forward just so. "Is still holdings ups pretty goods, ja?"

"Hell yeah," said Nathan.

Toki shot him a look. Nathan just grinned as Charles shot him an identical look, and then kissed him.

"You know you're the only man for me, Charlie," said Nathan.

Charles huffed slightly. "I'd better be. I know where you sleep."

Nathan drew him close and nuzzled him. Toki just raised an eyebrow, then turned his attention back to Skwisgaar.

"We nots gettings nobody pregs-nat."

"Nej. We nots needs subjects kids to dis madness."

"Besides," said Pickles, eyes closed, holding Erick's hand. "The kid would be better looking and more talented than either of you. Skwisgaar would throw himself on his guitar in envy."

Erick chuckled. "And women across the globe would wail in agony and hold candlelight vigils at the retirement homes."

"Oh dey is alreadys do dat when dey is reading Skwisgaar an' I has commitment ceremony an' he is burnings da eights binders fulls of lady's phone numbers," said Toki.

"Dey wents up real fasts,” said Skwisgaar.

"Ja mades goods fire for da marshmallows though."

"And da hotsdogs."

Toki kissed him. "Ja I nots even reallys likes dose buts was wort' it to see Murderface squirm."

Skwisgaar laughed. "Ja! He pitches fits den eats six of dems."

"Ja poor Knubbler, must be hards on him livings wit' a man who nots gay."

Pickles gently squeezed Erick's hand. "Guys, I love you but... I really need to sleep…"

"We should go," Charles urged quietly. "We'll check in later, Pickles. Get some rest."

"Visit me a few hundred times."

Charles smiled. "You know we will."

Pickles smiled weakly, waiting until his friends left, then looked at Erick. "I'm really scared. You have no idea how scared I am."

Erick gripped his hand tighter. "I'm scared, too. And I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna stay right here."

Pickles nodded. "Okay. Pull your bed close and sleep beside me. I'm really tired."

"Okay, babe." Erick leaned over to kiss him softly then pulled his own bed over to Pickles', settling down beside him.

"Erick? Baby?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"If they post any pics on the fan sites of my in my hospital gown using my walker, I want you to slip cod liver oil and ex lax into everything they eat."

Erick grinned. "Yes, sir."

Pickles lay quietly for a while, gauging the pain in his back. So far it was dull and achy, and not quite to the point where it was uncomfortable, but nothing like what it was. Nothing like what it had been – a searing, crippling agony that at times had strangled the breath from his body. He might be okay.

Damn he was so scared.

Yeah well he’d been down before, and a lot further down than this. The worst part was over. Time to park the waaaaaaah-mbulance and get on with life. He picked up his deathphone and called Nathan.

“Hey Nate?”

“Yeah Pickles, what’s up?”

“I was just thinking… keep planning the album, and the tour. An’ I wanna do one more cover.”

“You got it Pickles. What song?”

Pickles told him, and Nathan just grinned.