Just Dats Awesome

Rating: PG
Category: AU
Pairing(s): Nathan/Charles
Warnings: Leather and threesomes and whips, oh my!
Summary: Be careful what you wish for.
Notes: A brain-fart that escaped

Illustration by Animama

Charles loved Nathan, but to be honest the man had his habits, some of which made Charles drift off for whole hour-long fantasies about smacking him repeatedly with a shoe. Like the whole threesome thing. If he didn’t get off that kick right soon Charles was going to beat him to death with his own microphone. For every single gift giving occasion, it was a variation on the same conversation.

“What would you like for your birthday, Nathan?”

“You and Skwisgaar in a vat of jam.”

“What would you like for Christmas, Nathan?”

“You and Skwisgaar in a hot tub full of baby oil.”

“What would you like for Easter, Nathan?”

“You and Skwisgaar covered in whipped cream.”

It was getting irksome.

To be fair, Charles knew Nathan wasn’t serious in the least, and in no way expected to actually get Charles and Skwisgaar in the same bed. And Charles was in no way intimidated by Skwisgaar’s presence in Nathan’s fantasies because he knew both Skwisgaar and Nathan well enough to know that there was no way in Hell they would hurt him. This was just yet another of Nathan’s annoying little quirks.

“Likes he would knows whats to does wit’ us anyways,” Skwisgaar huffed, tossing his hair.

Charles raised an eyebrow, getting that customary evil look that meant somebody was going to get hurt.

“Come with me. I think I know a way to stop this nonsense once and for all.”

Grinning, Skwisgaar followed after Charles.

Several hours later, Nathan wandered into his room, summoned there by a page from Charles. He stepped inside and stopped dead, eyes becoming enormous at the sight that greeted him. Charles was lying on the bed, wearing only a pair of silk boxers, eating strawberries dipped in chocolate. Beside the bed stood Skwisgaar, wearing thigh high spiked heel boots, leather panties, a scarlet and black leather corset, and holding between his hands what had to be the single largest bull whip ever created. His white skin gleamed with oil, and a strange mist created by dry ice wafted over the floor.

Charles continued munching his strawberry, holding a contract in his hand.

“I believe you put in a request last spring for a dirty fantasy. Good news. The approval just came through. Now we can start this with a little coarse language and heavy breathing, or if you like we may proceed directly to the whips and chains. What would you prefer?”

Nathan just stared, eyes huge, a look of utter shock on his face. Charles just smiled at him, while Skwisgaar stared, blue eyes strangely luminous.

“We’re waitingks,” he purred.

Nathan yanked the door shut and took off down the hallway, the sound of his boots echoing through the corridor. Charles feigned a pout.

“Awww… he ran away.”

Skwisgaar idly snapped his whip. “Was too much for him. We just dats awesome. Nots many men can handles it.”

“Poor fellow,” said Charles. He looked at Skwisgaar. “Tea?”

“No I lefts Tokis tieds to da bed, he is goings to be wantings me backs I t’ink.”

“Well have fun.”

***---***

Three hours later, Nathan crept meekly back to his room to find all was cleaned up and in order, and Charles was sitting up in bed reading a paperback. Saying nothing, Nathan undressed and slipped into bed, settling under the covers. Charles turned a page on his book.

“Thought about what you would like for your birthday, hmm?” asked Charles.

There was a long silence. “No.”

“Well you must want something.”

“Nuh-uh.”

Charles smiled. “Are you sure?”

There was another long pause, then Nathan slowly rolled over and looked at Charles, grinning.

“You and Pickles in a vat of ice cream.”

Charles proceeded to beat him with his novel.