Fertilityklok
Part Three

Rating: PG
Category: AU
Pairing(s): Nathan/Charles, Skwisgaar/Toki.
Warnings: Mpreg. Enough sugar to rot your teeth.
Summary: Takes place after the episode of the same name. Toki and Skwisgaar come to an agreement.
Notes: For nugatorytm, who requested a grouchy preggy Toki fic. And how could I say no?

This is Part Three. If you've managed to come here without reading the previous parts.... Well I don't know how.
Click here for Part One
Click here for Part Two

If there was one thing Charles could not do, it was windmill. And not just because he lacked a long silky mane with which to do it properly. He could headbang just fine if he had to, though he preferred not to. But he could not windmill. It was too hard on the neck, it gave him a headache, and after a few turns he….

Toki Wartooth windmilled himself straight off his feet and onto his ass. Nathan doubled over in hilarity. Skwisgaar huffed and rolled his eyes. Charles smiled faintly, fondly. Yes, that was usually what he ended up doing. Just never in front of a stadium full of fans.

Toki slowly picked himself off the stage and shook his head, smiling a little as Murderface took a brief break from being a dick-wad to dust him off and hand him his guitar. The boys had been playing nicely with Toki these days. Of course the boys never had been quite rotten enough to intentionally screw with a pregnant person. And Toki was definitely pregnant. He’d gained a lot of weight; enough that the media and fans had noticed. Tonight was the last performance of a disappointingly short tour, but it was the best they could do. They had to get Toki bundled away before he got too big and people became too curious.

Toki resumed playing. He briefly tried to windmill, then stopped. His balance was off, and he just couldn’t do it. He kept playing, looking vaguely annoyed as Skwisgaar kept flicking him ever so gently with his long golden hair. Charles had a feeling this was going to be one of those shows when the audience was also treated to a comedy act. After about ten more flicks Toki stop playing and glared.

“Can you keeps you hair outs my face?”

“Keeps you face outs of my hair. Is nots being my hair’s fault you face is dere.”

“Hey,” growled Nathan. “Don’t make me put you two in time out.”

Skwisgaar huffed and flicked his hair, intentionally getting it in Toki’s face. Toki lunged. Nathan caught him and moved him to the other side of the stage. Pickles peered over the edge of his drum kit to watch the chaos.

“Are they gonna be at this a while? I need a drink…”

“SIT!”

Pickles did. The show resumed. Charles just smiled. Small wonder people thought these comedy acts were staged. Now if Skwisgaar would just stop baiting Toki.

The show ended, and Charles went down to the dressing room to meet them. Nathan was the first to arrive, panting, sweaty, and exhausted. He drew Charles close and held him, growling softly into his ear.

“We sucked.”

“You did not,” said Charles, gently tugging at Nathan’s long black hair. “You were fantastic.”

“You’re biased.”

“Yes. Yes I am.”

Pickles came in next, limping and stiff. He moved over to the sofa in the room and flopped down on it.

“I feel terrible. I think I have the flu. I demand cuddles.”

Pickles looked towards Nathan and Charles hopefully.

“I don’t want your bugs,” said Nathan. “Ask Murderface.”

Pickles watched as Murderface walked by, naked and scratching his hairy ass on his way to the shower. He then looked to Nathan.

“Dood. What did I ever do to you?”

Charles placed a hand on Pickles’ forehead. He definitely had a fever. Not a high one, but a fever. Pickles was sick. Charles pulled out his dethphone and called Badger.

“Badger? We need to isolate your baby from Toki, he’s oozing flu germs.”

“HEY!” said Pickles, indignant. “I’m naht oozing!”

Charles closed the phone. “Sorry Pickles, but Toki is in no condition to get sick.”

“Oh sure, you just like him better than me.”

“That’s not true,” said Charles.

“Yeah,” said Nathan. “It’s me he likes better than you.”

Pickles glared at Nathan as Badger arrived, carrying a large fluffy blanket. He bundled Pickles into it and picked him up.

“Come one, let’s get you tucked away and fed some soup. We’ll extend the hotel booking for you and it will just be you and me. Okay?”

“Okay. Can we go to the zoo?”

“When you’re better.”

“Hey how come he gets to go to the zoo and we don’t?” said Nathan.

“’Cause I’m cute and yer naht.” Pickles poked his tongue out.

Badger carried Pickles out of the room. Nathan turned his attention back to Charles and began snuggling him.

“Wanna go back to our own room and play ‘Wild Kingdom’? You be the zebra, I’ll be the crocodile.”

“Okay but don’t leave marks this time.” Charles’ brow furrowed in concern. “Where are Toki and Skwisgaar?”

“I dunno. They should have been right behind Murderface.”

Charles sighed. “Well we better go find them.”

They were about to leave when Skwisgaar appeared, covered in melted corpse paint, his usual cool demeanour rather melted as well.

“Somet’ing’s wrong wit’ Toki.”

Charles went tearing out of the dressing room. Nathan stared down at his arms where just moments ago there had been a warm body.

“I could have sworn I was holding someone…”

Skwisgaar rolled his eyes, then followed after Charles. They reached the steps leading down from the stage, where Toki was sitting, shaking ever so slightly and looking very much afraid. Charles seated himself on the stairs so he could look into the large blue eyes.

“Toki? Are you all right?”

“I felts a cramp…” he said quietly.

Charles closed his eyes and slowly exhaled in relief. “Toki the doctor said you might feel a few of those, right?”

“Buts was hard…”

“How do you feel now? Are you okay? Are you having more cramps?”

Toki shook his head. “No.”

“Okay, then it was probably just because you were straining yourself on stage. We’ll get you back in your room…”

“Wants to go to da bus.”

“Okay, we’ll put you on the bus. Can you stand?”

Toki probably could, but it was clear he was afraid to. His pregnancy thus far had not been skipping through fields of tulips and smiling blissfully, no matter what the romance novels said. He’d been nauseous, crampy, bloated, and his short-term memory, never great at the best of times, was almost non-existent. In fact most of the household had taken to giving Toki information, then pausing to wait for the inevitable “Whats you is say?”

Charles paged some Gears to help get Toki to the bus, but it was clear Toki did not want to stand. And Toki was heavy enough on his own without a baby inside him, so picking him up was out of the question. Then one of the Gears briefly ran off to return with a large equipment dolly. Charles thought Toki would have a fit, but the solution seemed to appeal to him. They managed to move him onto the wide flat surface of the dolly, then just pushed him down the hall to the parking area.

“Dildo,” said Skwisgaar, falling into step beside the cart.

“When you is pregnants we see how you is feelings.”

“Pfft. I nots stupids enough to gets pregnant.”

“Is no room in dats bony ass for a dick anyways.”

“My ass plenty bigs enough!”

“Oh ja? You comes to my rooms tonights an’ proves it. ‘Cause I nots believings it ‘til den.”

Skwisgaar stopped dead, trying to wrap his brain around what he had just gotten into, while Toki sat cross-legged on the cart, looking immensely pleased with himself. Charles just smiled, happy that Toki was getting rather good at standing up for himself. Then Nathan emerged from the dressing room.

“Hey Toki, let me know how it goes, ‘cause I think you’re right, I think his ass is too small for a dick.”

Skwisgaar turned on him. “At least is nots so wides as yours dat can fits in Charlie’s whole bodies heads-first!”

Charles decided to go see how things were going on stage with the dismantling of the equipment. It was just safer there.

***---***

Toki was settled into the gigantic deth-bed, sunk into the pillow-top stuffed with the down from countless black swans, snuggled beneath the velvet comforter. He was alone in the gigantic bed for the first time ever. There was no sound of breathing, or sheets rustling, and no feeling of a warm body near. Toki had never mentioned this to anyone, but he hated sleeping alone. Despised it. He hated the dead silence of his little room, and the hollow darkness. He only ever really slept here on the bus, where he had others around him, his little family…

He winced as something inside of him shifted. The child was active and he was only four months. Already he was getting kicked and poked. At times it was as if the infant was trying to Riverdance.

Maybe Skwisgaar was part Irish.

Toki raised his head as he heard the bus door open, then close. Probably nothing, most likely one of his Gear-guardians stepping out for a smoke. But then he heard the sound of the door to the bedroom opening.

“Charlies?” said Toki.

“Is me.”

Toki sat up, covering his noticeable bump with the covers. “Skwisgaar?”

“Ja.” Skwisgaar came up the stairs to the bed, crawling onto the massive expanse. “Just came to see how you is.”

Toki raised an eyebrow. “Thoughts you nots cares.”

“I cares. I just nots wants to plays daddy.”

“Den go away. Remember? If you is starts lookings likes you care an’ talkings to me you is endings up daddy.”

“Toki…”

“Look I did nots do dis to force not’ings on you! You nots wants to plays daddy, you nots comes up here an’ gettings me upset. Okay?”

“Why you picks me?”

“Because I loves you. Nots dat it matter.” He flopped down to the bed, covering himself over, his back to Skwisgaar.

“So you was forcings me to pay attention to you,” said Skwisgaar quietly.

“I nots forcings you to does shit. We fucks. How I feels not matter, you is makings dat clear plenty of times. Gettings you to fucks me whole hell of a lots easier dan getting you to love me, dats for sure. I tooks what I is could gettings.”

“But is still my baby! Is forcings us to be relations now!”

Toki rolled over and sat up, facing him. “SO WHO IS SAYINGS YOU IS HAVINGS TO ADMIT IS YOURS? YOU GOTS PLENTIES OF BABIES ALLS OVER DA WORLD, GO GIVES A SHITS ABOUT DEM!”

“FINE! I nots tells anyone! Is can be all yours!”

“DAT WAS BEINGS IDEA!”

Toki flopped down to the bed once more, then curled into a ball. The baby didn’t like it when he was upset. The feet drummed and punched, and his stomach slowly clenched into a powerful cramp. Oh boy. He had to be careful or there was going to be no baby to argue about.

“Toki?” Skwisgaar’s voice sounded odd. Toki realized he’d never heard him sound worried before.

“Is okay,” said Toki softly. “Is just cramps. Lotsa pregnants ladies has dem.”

“You nots lady,” Skwisgaar reminded him.

“Boy thanks. I’s totallies forgotten.”

“Toki…”

“Skwisgaar… go away. Please? I loves you. Buts you nots loves me an’ if you hangs around is just makes dat hard. An’ I nots feeling so good. Is worse when I upset, I gets all crampy.”

“You crampy now?”

Toki huffed. “Is you blonde?”

“Well maybe you is needings a doctor!”

Toki just closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. “I nots needs a doctor. Is called a Braxton Hicks contraction. Is just… practice for labour.”

“Sounds dildos.”

“Is nots. Me an’ Charlies reads about it. Is just parts of beings pregnant.”

Skwisgaar sounded faintly hurt. “You… and Charlies?”

“We reads together sometimes. You never wants to reads wit’ me.”

Toki could hear Skwisgaar’s hackles rising. “Well who else you been readings wit’?”

“Pickle reads wit’ me. Murderface. Nots Nat’an t’ough. He just likes to hear Charlies read.”

“Buts… you nevers ask me to reads wit’ you.”

Toki slowly sat up again and looked at Skwisgaar. “You nots wants not’ings to do wit’ me. Remembers? If we is starts spendings times together I mights starts to t’ink we is have something.”

“Well… we coulds reads… couldn’ts we?”

“I nots wantings to gets my hopes up.” Toki winced, rubbing his belly.

“Is more cramps?” Skwisgaar asked.

“No,” Toki shook his head. “Is you parts Irish?”

“Sex wit’ Pickle count?”

“No.”

“Den no. Why?”

Toki just shook his head again. “Is nots importants. Baby just busy.”

Skwisgaar was silent for a long moment as Toki focused on his baby, trying to get the little entity within to calm down and stop using his abdominal wall as a tap-dancing stage.

“Can I feels it?” he asked quietly.

Toki looked at him, blinking, as if surprised that Skwisgaar would want to. “Ja. Okies. I nots mind.”

Skwisgaar tentatively reached out to touch the rounded bump… and was promptly kicked. He yanked his hand back, looking surprised. Then he leaned down to address the bump in Swedish.

“Hey, you behave in there.”

“He nots listening,” said Toki.

Skwisgaar looked up. “Is little boy?”

“Ja. I just find out littles while ago. I nots tells anyone yet. Others dan you. Nots sure whats I names him yet. Was hopings for little girl so all I picks so far is girls names.”

Skwisgaar huffed quietly. “Dildo.”

Toki smiled faintly. “Ja. Maybes.” He glanced at Skwisgaar. “Maybes… you helps wit’ name if you like…?”

“Ja. I likes dat.”

“Good.”

There was a long, slightly uncomfortable silence, which Skwisgaar eventually broke.

“You… needs anyt’ing?”

Toki thought for a few moments, then nodded. “Ja. Bratwurst an’ sours-kraut.”

Skwisgaar just stared at him. “I nots hearings dat.”

“Wit’ little red peppers in it.”

“Toki… you Norwegian. Nots German.”

“Ja and baby Norwegian an’ Swedish an’ t’ink he Irish. Go gets me sours-kraut.”

Skwisgaar grumbled, but he went, returning quickly with a bowl of steaming hot bratwurst nestled tantalizingly in a mound of sauerkraut. Toki salivated at the mere scent of it, taking the bowl and stuffing the food into as mouth as fast as he could. Skwisgaar just watched in horror.

“I can’ts believes you is eatings dat. You know how Germans is discovers sauerkraut? Dey was tryings to makes somet’ings smellies enough to scares away da Romans.”

“Oh is so good. You shoulds try some!”

Skwisgaar watched Toki inhale the sauerkraut. “I woulds buts I scared I lose a hand.”

Toki finished eating, then set the bowl aside, yawning.

“I so tireds.”

“You wants me to stay?” Skwisgaar asked quietly.

Toki thought, then slowly shook his head. “Skwisgaar… it will hurts too bad if you change you minds…”

“I wants to help.”

“An’ I wants you to help, too! But you know how I feel! I don’t wants to get hurt! You said you nots want to plays daddy! I can’ts stands it if I has to watch you goes off wit’ groupies!”

“I nots go offs wit’ anybodies. Want to stay heres wit’ you.”

“I don’t mean just tonight. Skwisgaar…. You wit’ me or you not. An’ not just for me. I nots lettings you play ‘relationship’ parts time. Is nots good for me an’ nots good for baby.”

Skwisgaar huffed quietly, looking rather crestfallen and sad. “I likesed it better when you was followings me around.”

“I didn’t. Is hurts den an’ hurts now. You parts of dis family or you not.” Toki settled under the covers, closing his eyes, exhausted. “Is ups to you. I nots chasings no more. I nots beggings either.”

Toki felt sleep coming on fast. The show had drained him, and the latest emotional battle with Skwisgaar had taken the very last crumbs of energy he had left. He needed to sleep. Everything else could wait for now. He was just on the very edge of sleep when he felt a lean body slip under the covers and press close to him. An arm went around his large middle, a hand resting on the now-still baby. Toki smiled, reaching down to place his own hand over Skwisgaar’s.

“I probablies regrets dis,” muttered Skwisgaar.

“Probablies. Buts you loves me, right?”

There was a Very. Long. Silence. Then Skwisgaar sighed quietly.

“Ja. I loves you, Toki.”

“I loves you too.”

Skwisgaar huffed. “I too goods for you.”

Toki just grinned. “I know.”

***---***

Toki had chosen his place to birth his baby, and of all the places in Mordland where he could have had it, he selected the tour bus. He picked the one place he had always felt safest and the most happy – in bed with his family and on the road. The Gears had been instructed to just drive, the destination didn’t matter. Gear 666, aka Angie, had wanted to go to Sturgis. Badger said he thought a nice private lake would be better for a mother and a newborn.

Charles would have sworn that there was absolutely no way the boys would agree to this. He would have sworn there was nothing on earth, under it, or off of it, that would get them all in the same room while one of them was shoving out a baby. And… much to his horror… he was dead wrong. They were all going to be there, including Knubbler, and even Rachel. That meant they expected Charles to be there too.

“I really don’t want to do this,” said Charles as Nathan carried him to the bedroom.

“I know.”

“Then why are you carrying me?”

“If we have to deal with it then you do too.”

Charles adjusted his glasses as he was packed like a large cat up the stairs. “Is it too late to resign?”

“If you resign we’re making you deliver it.”

“I’ll be good.”

Nathan set Charles on the bed, then climbed up beside him. Toki was in the middle of the bed, lying on his back, his head on Pickles’ lap. He had his feet on Knubbler, who was rubbing them for him. Skwisgaar was munching one of JP’s pigs-in-a-blanket, while Murderface nattered on the phone to someone. Rachel was sitting on the bed and planning a dinner party while her two eight week old Scottie-dog pups bounced and squeaked across the quilt.

“Am I the only person here who would really like to leave?” asked Charles.

Nathan nuzzled Charles as a puppy bounced up to him, clambering onto his lap. Charles picked up the soft little animal and cuddled it.

“Toki? How are you feeling?” he asked as he toyed with the puppy’s warm soft ears.

“I’s okies right now. Doctor says I has hours to go yet.”

Charles deflated in relief. Oh good, he had hours to wrap his brain around the idea that he was about to witness Toki Wartooth pop out another human being. Given who the parents were, he didn’t hold out much hope the child would be a rocket scientist. But chances were very good he would be the fastest guitar player of all time if he had Toki’s natural talent and Skwisgaar’s dedication.

“So what do we do in the meantime?” Charles asked.

“We’re goings to watch ‘Alien’,” said Toki. “Den ‘Da Fly’ wit’ Jeff Goldblum.”

“Toki I’m not so sure you want to see ‘Alien’ right now. OR ‘The Fly’.”

“Aw buts I nevers see dem before.”

“Fine. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Toki clearly wasn’t worried. Skwisgaar finished eating his snack and settled beside Toki, holding his hand and dozing as they awaited for things to get exciting. They became VERY exciting as soon as Toki saw Geena Davis pop out a maggot. It sped his own labour up exponentially, and thirty minutes after Geena delivered her own darling bundle of buzz, Toki bore a tiny baby boy with a great mop of blonde hair. It landed right in Nathan’s hands, and he held the infant up.

“Awww… it’s an itty-bitty Skwisgaar!”

“Poor kid,” said Pickles as Nathan handed the baby off to the doctor. Charles wanted to mention that his vision had gone dark and his heart was doing funny things in his chest, but that would require being able to speak…

“I thinks Charlie passings out,” observed Skwisgaar as Charles slowly keeled over backwards.

Nathan looked at his passed-out lover, lying flat on his back, tie askew, puppies stomping all over him.

“Yup. Charlie’s gone. Awwww… he’s so cute.”

The doctor gave Charles a quick examination. “He’s fine. I think he’s just not cut out for birthing babies.”

The doctor left with Toki’s baby to check the infant and make sure there were no problems with it. Toki just lay on his back with his head in Skwisgaar’s lap, eyes closed, his body drenched in sweat. He smiled faintly as he felt a hand touch his hair.

“Dids I do good?” Toki asked quietly.

Skwisgaar bent to kiss him. “Ja. You did verys good. You mades Charlies faints an’ everythings.”

“You is havings next one,” said Toki.

“Nevers fit,” said Skwisgaar softly.

The doctor returned holding, the baby. “Here you go,” he said, cradling the tiny form. “He’s fit and fine and perfect in every way but one.”

Toki raised his head, looking worried. “What’s wrong wit’ my baby?”

“Well nothing much, just one tiny detail…”

The doctor placed the baby on his stomach. Tiny Ansgar Teo Skwigelf lay face down, blinking and confused. On his head was a fuzzy mop of long blonde hair, and on his little butt, poking straight up, was a teeny brown fluffy rabbit tail.

“What would you like me to do about that?” asked the doctor.

Toki just smiled, placing a hand on the baby’s back. “I t’inks we leaves it.”