Hair Wars

Rating: PG
Category: AU
Pairing(s): Nathan/Charles
Warnings: Hair, sex
Summary: Dethklok are bored.
Notes:

It was all Mrs. Duncan’s fault, really. At least she started it. These things always seemed to happen when they were forced to fly commercial airlines, but their helicopter was down for maintenance and they had to make it from Germany to the States for a show, and that meant a ten hour trip. Ten long hours of Dethklok cooped up on a commercial airliner. Charles could hardly wait.

As predicted, they kept the flight attendants busy, but at least the boys were playful and goofy instead of miserable, pissed-off and nasty. They managed to come off as happy-go-lucky dorks, and no one was getting annoyed with them. Then, after a few hours Nathan settled in his chair for a nap. And that was when Mrs. Duncan struck. She simply could not stand that one snake of hair hanging in Nathan’s face anymore, and she seized it and pinned it up with her granddaughter’s ‘Hello Kitty’ barrette. Then she went on her way.

Charles could hear that little crackle of telepathy that meant the other four had an idea. He made a note to himself to not fall asleep on this flight. Sighing, he snapped his newspaper and pretended to not notice whatever the five of them were up to, reminding himself that despite the fact he was gay he should still get a vasectomy. He already had five kids.

Skwisgaar was the next in line to drop off, and soon was sporting a pair of braids that the Swiss Miss girl would have been proud of.

“That’sh schilly, he’sh not Schwish,” said Murderface.

So they took out the braids and bundled his long hair up in bits of ribbon and silk flowers and stuffed it all under a cute peaked cap. Charles had no idea where they got this stuff, and he was not about to ask. He was more than happy to pretend that Nathan did not have a Hello Kitty barrette in his hair and that Skwisgaar did not look like a big evil gay garden gnome. He was just their manager, not their trainer.

Pickles was the next to go down for a nap. All it took was some braiding and a few elastics and he was the metal Pippi Longstocking. Then Toki and Murderface went to sleep, only to have Nathan wake up, see what had been going on, and retaliate. Soon Murderface’s dense mop of brillo was festooned with tiny sparkly butterflies that somebody’s child had forgotten in one of the magazine holders, and Toki had a Princess Leia do that would make a wookie back up. Then he crept over to play his favourite game; pretend nobody knows you’re doing the manager.

“Wanna join the mile high club?” leered Nathan.

“No.”

Please?”

“No.”

“I’ll let you lick my lollipop.”

“Nathan, you barely fit in a commercial plane bathroom, there’s certainly not going be any room for me in there as well.”

“Well you don’t have to come all the way in, just back in and…”

“Nathan do you ever want to have sex with me again?”

“I thought that’s what we were negotiating.”

“I thought I said no.”

Funny how that never seemed to make a difference. Forty minutes later Charles was back in his seat, blushing furiously and wondering how many people knew he had just fornicated like a wanton harlot with Nathan in the bathroom. His parents would be spinning in their graves and they were not even dead yet. Thank heavens the plane was landing in just a couple hours.

Charles closed his eyes and settled down for a nap. He really wished he hadn’t done that when later that night he saw himself on the news later sporting an Elvis Presley pompadour complete with spit-curl.

“Just so you know,” said Charles to the three hundred pound contented lump beside him in the hotel room bed. “I hate all of you.”

Nathan just hrumphed sleepily, traces of corpse paint around his eyes, Hello Kitty still stuck in his hair.