Sparkleocalypse

Rating: PG
Category: AU
Pairing(s): Toki/Skwisgaar
Warnings: Painful cuteness.
Summary: Skwisgaar goes to a movie.
Notes: A gift-fic for hallo katzchen, who wanted a fic involving Skwisgaar and glitter.

Picture by Animama

Most fans would have been surprised to learn that Skwisgaar had a half-brother. They would have been more surprised to learn that he had nieces – five of them in fact, all tall, blonde and leggy like their Uncle Skwisgaar. Popular opinion around Mordhaus was that once the girls hit adulthood there would be no way to tell the bunch of them apart. In fact only way to figure out which one was Skwisgaar when he was standing with them, even at their current ages, was his height. It seemed that blonde hair, long legs, full lips, and grace were Skwigelf family traits. The arrogance however was all Skwisgaar’s. And for two weeks every summer Mordhaus was invaded by a small herd of little girls, all aged between seven and fourteen years.

Astrid was the eldest of the girls at age fourteen, and the unofficial leader. She loved coming to Mordhaus because it was like the ultimate game of pretend – there was nothing her little-girl heart could not have. What was even better was that the imposing, silent black-clad and hooded roadies were always happy to play with her and her sisters. They didn’t mind being kings or black knights or flying monkeys or anything at all. And there was no place in the Haus that Astrid and her sisters could not go, other than the recording studio, and the private quarters of the employees, and she was not terribly interested in those anyway. In her later years Astrid would recall her time at Mordhaus as a princess fairyland, a place she could not wait to get to and was sad to leave, and was blithely unaware of such things as the ensuing fallout caused when she announced that when she grew up she was gonna marry Charles.

Charles had never been afraid of Skwisgaar, but the look the big blonde gave him after Astrid’s announcement prompted him to go off to see if the lawn had been mowed yet. Very important to have one’s lawn mowed. Astrid watched him leave, puzzled, and then turned her attention to Skwisgaar, newspaper in hand, blue eyes bright and hopeful.

"Uncle Skwisgaar? Would you take us to a movie tonight?"

Skwisgaar blinked down at her, giving her the same haughty expression that he gave everyone, thought shaded with more than a little trepidation; no movie a pack of little blonde girls wanted to see could possibly be anything a death metal deity would be interested in.

“A movies...?”

"Yeah!" said Astrid. She then added hopefully; "It has vampires..."

Skwisgaar tilted his head. “Vamspires, huh?” Vampires were usually metal; sometimes much too metal for little girls. He narrowed eyes suspiciously. Skwisgaar was a surprisingly responsible uncle. “Is nots de R's rated, is its?”

Astrid shook her head, wishing he was a somewhat less responsible uncle. "No Uncle."

Skwisgaar looked down into the large, hopeful eyes, wondering why something about this felt like a pink shiny spider was inviting him into her little glitter-web. Out in the hallway Roadie 1010 was fleeing two nine year olds, a seven year old, and a makeover at top speed.

“Wells... okays,” said Skwisgaar.

Astrid shrieked and squealed her delight.

"Thank you! You're the best!! You're the bestest most handsomest uncle ever!"

Skwisgaar couldn’t help puffing up a bit, tossing his hair. “Ja, I knows.”

Pickles watched 1013 rapidly approach an open doorway and freedom. Unable to resist, Pickles nudged the door shut. 1013 hit it like Wile E. Coyote smacking into the cliff face, then dropped to the floor where he was promptly descended upon by tiny little girls in princess dresses and fairy wings. Pickles then turned his attention to Astrid.

"What movie?" he asked.

"Twilight," replied Astrid, hoping Skwisgaar had no idea what that film was about.

Pickles just nodded, then slowly walked away so no one could see him grinning.

“Twilights?” Skwisgaar cocked his head, expression thoughtful. Something about that title seemed... almost familiar; like he should know it. Maybe he heard a preview? But he hadn't seen any vampire or monster movie previews lately. Astrid pounced on Skwisgaar and hugged him, then she and her four sisters tore off to get ready, leaving Skwisgaar to ponder and 1013 to find what was left of his dignity.

Skwisgaar called Charles to let him know of their plans, knowing that he wouldn't appreciate it if he suddenly discovered his guitarist and a pack of young girls under his care were missing. The girls returned soon, dressed in black dresses, and covered in gold sparkles, leaving clouds of glitter in their wake.

"We're ready!" said Astrid.

“Just a minutes. We is waits for roadies' escorts,” said Skwisgaar. Suddenly he heard Badger screaming from Charles’ office.

"Please don't make me go! I'll do anything! I've always been loyal! Charlie why are you doing this to me?!"

Angie’s voice joined in. “Doing this to you? I took a fucking bullet for him and he's still making me go!”

"I'd take a fucking bullet for him now!"

“Well, I'd suck his-!”

Charles interrupted. “I chose the two of you because I trust you to do the best job protecting them should something go wrong.”

“But sir...” said Badger. “Have you read those books?! And I'll suck your dick too sir.”

“God, no,” said Charles. “And… that will not be necessary, Badger.”

“Have you read them?” Angie asked Badger.

"I don't have to, I have a twelve-year-old niece. She's kind enough to tell me all about them." Badger sighed. "Well come on, Angie, looks like it's just you, me, and the Skwigelf sextuplets."

“Think you've got it bad? My roommate reads them. The girl plays with explosives all day long then comes to bed and reads about emo!teen vampires.” Angie sighed heavily, trudging out of the office alongside Badger. “I didn't seem needy with the dick-sucking, did I?”

"Nah," said Badger. "I'd suck his dick just for the hell of it. That man is fine. I'd like to cover him in cherry syrup and lick it all off.... then do it all over again."

“Hey, me first.”

Charles pinched the bridge of his nose and mused on how the Klokateers could use another seminar on professionalism. Skwisgaar glared at Badger and Angie as they walk into the fire hall, speaking through clenched teeth.

“Please to not talksings abouts dicks-suckingks so louds arounds my nieces, ja?”

Badger stopped dead, suddenly horrified as he realized that... yes... sound carries very, very well in large stone halls.

"Sorry my lord, we were discussing bratwurst. Yes. Bratwurst. Uh... the car is ready."

Angie snerks. “Bratwurst...”

Badger elbowed her. Angie grinned, lightly swatting at his arm as she controlled her laughter.

Badger led the pack of glittering beauties down to the Dethlimo - a gorgeous custom-made black limo that looked as if it had at one time or another driven every vile man in Hell somewhere. And now it will sparkle for all eternity. Badger almost heard the vehicle sob as five little girls, wearing enough sparkles and perfume to render it unmetal for all eternity, climb into the back. Skwisgaar got in after them, and the youngest girl, Tilde, who just turned seven, immediately brushing hair gel loaded with pink and gold sparkles into his long hair. Skwisgaar reflexively pulled back; he preferred his nieces gave him notice prior to touching his hair because they tended to accidentally put things in it, such as lollipops, gum, and, on one occasion, a brush liberally coated with bacon fat “to make your hair shiny.”

“Hey! Whuts is you doinks?” he gruffed at the child playfully.

Tilde showed him the brush. "Making you pretty like Edward!"

Skwisgaar cocked an eyebrow. “Who's is Edswards?”

Astrid dove in before her younger sister spilled the beans. "Oh he's the vampire in the movie. Supposedly he's good-looking but... well everyone knows you're better looking. Tilde just wants to make sure of it."

Skwisgaar frowned, disappointed to learn these were pretty vampires and not the twisted, ugly, scary kind. Well... maybe it will still be bearable; sometimes the prettiest villains are the nastiest.

“Dat's is nice. But Uncles Skwisgaar not needings glitters to lookings goods. Is just comings naturals.”

Tilde turned on the Huge Blue Little Girl Eyes coupled with the dreaded Wibblie Lip. Skwisgaar scooped her up and put her on his lap to shed copious amounts of pink and gold glitter all over. Skwisgaar endured the second-hand sparkling.

“Now, nows. You is saves de sparkilies for yous. Is no one shoulds be prettier den my girls.”

So Tilde sat on Skwisgaar's lap, minding her own business. She was a bit sad her Uncle wouldn't let her make him pretty, but at least she got in one stripe of glitter. She adored Skwisgaar. He could be as arrogant as he liked on the outside, she knew it was just an act. So if he didn’t want to be covered in glitter that was fine. However Astrid and her slightly younger sister Signe had been having little tiffs now and then since arriving at Mordhaus. And it was Signe who suddenly decided to flick a small handful of glitter at her older sister....

Skwisgaar sneezed at the airborne irritant. “Hey. You beings carefuls wit' dat.”

Astrid looked annoyed. "Yeah, Signe, don't be such a brat."

Tilde piped up "Yeah, Signe!" and also threw a handful. There was a long eerie pause..... and suddenly five shrieking little girls were flinging glitter at each other in all directions. Skwisgaar screamed as he attempted to deflect the pink and gold clouds to absolutely no avail. Within seconds he was utterly painted in the stuff, his metal image lost in a cloud of pixie dust.

In the front of the limo, Angie looked to Badger. “Is it in our job description to warn Skwisgaar about the cinematic train wreck he's about to be exposed to?” she asked.

Badger grinned widely. "Nope. Our duty lies with protecting the band from external calamity. Self-inflicted train wrecks are out of our hands."

Angie sighed. “Maybe we can sneak into a different movie while they're distracted. I think Watchmen's still playing...”

“Yeah it's right next door! Awesome. I'd do Dan,” said Badger.

“You like the nerds. I would ride Rorschach like a goddamned bull at the state fair. 'Course he'd kill me afterwards, but...” She shrugged. “Worse ways to go.”

"And you're saying I wouldn't? But yeah I like nerds."

Angie grinned. “Nerds and guys who could kill us with the trash on the ground. No wonder we like the Boss-man.”

They chatted for the forty minutes it took to drive to the theatre, finally pulling up before the large multi-plex.

"Why do I feel so mean letting Skwisgaar walk into this?" said Badger as he set the parking brake.

Angie looked up at the glittering marquee. “Because it is mean. It's downright evil.”

Badger grinned. "It is. It's fucking despicable. I'm so glad I gave each of those girls a one pound sack of loose pink and gold glitter."

“Hope no one in that theatre’s got allergies.”

“To glitter? I doubt it," said Badger. "It's even edible. Don't worry, my evil does not extend to harming little girls."

Angie looked puzzled. “Edible glitter? Why would...? I'll be asking you more about that when there aren't five little girls around.”

Badger gave her a jaundiced look. "I got it from a children's party supply shop. Good grief why would I give adult glitter to a little girl?"

Angie held up her hands to show she meant no insult. “Hey. I figured it had various uses. Not that it was necessarily adult glitter. I didn't think glitter had an age limit.”

Badger was clearly annoyed. "If you get it from an adult store that is selling it with the idea that you are going to be doing adult things with it, it is adult glitter. This is spun sugar glitter from a kid's shop with the idea that it will be going on birthday cakes and kids will be playing with it. Therefore it is children's glitter."

“Alright, alright. I'm sorry. This was just the first I'd heard of it.”

“Yeah well if you had gone shopping for as many disgusting items as I have over the years you'd get paranoid about where your glitter came from too. Come on, let's release the God of Thunder and his mini Valkyries."

Angie hummed Wagner’s ‘Ride of the Valkyries’ under her breath as they got out to open the doors for the Skwigelf clan.

“Dun dun dun dun-da, dun dun dun dun-da, dun dun dun dun-da, dun dun dun...”

Badger opened the door, and a cloud of glitter wafted out, spreading in a huge sparkly nuclear dethcloud, decorating the very air and bringing a scent of bubblegum. The inside of the limo was an impermeable fog of twinkling radiance. Then Tilde hopped out of the car, looking like she was dipped in some sort of supernatural polish.

"Thanks for the glitter, Badger!"

Four more little girls hopped out, all emerging in a wafting haze of bubblegum-scented pink and gold glitter. They were coated in it, absolutely layered in glitter, leaving trailing shimmering wakes as they moved. The inside of the limo looked like someone blew up ten thousand fairies. As the cloud slowly dispersed, a tall figure could be vaguely seen within the depths of the luxury auto.

"Uh... my Lord?" said Badger.

Skwisgaar slowly, so very slowly, unfolded his long legs out of the limo like a spider, grabbing the door and lifting himself out. Angie appeared to develop a sudden and severe cough. Badger sucked back a smile with all his might as he considered the seven feet of sparkly sugar-coated rock god before him. He has never done anything even remotely as difficult in his entire life as keeping a straight face as he stared at Skwisgaar, who was glittering like the northern lights.

"Shall we wait in the limo my Lord?" asked Badger, keeping a stranglehold on his amusement.

Skwisgaar seethed with indignity. “You does dats.”

"Very good," said Badger. He watched as Skwisgaar skulked off with his nieces, exuding displeasure. "I wish I had a camera."

Angie had already yanked out her cell phone and snapped several pictures as Skwisgaar escorted his nieces inside. “Huh? What'd you say?”

"I said I love you," said Badger. "C'mon, Watchmen is still playing. We'll leave Skwisgaar Glitter-Elf and his five magic pixie princesses to watch emo vampire boy."

Angie squeaked with excitement. “Meanwhile we shall be enjoying slow-motion violence and general bad-assery. Excellent. Come on. We can go halvsies on a jumbo popcorn.”

Skwisgaar meanwhile was trying to make five little girls happy at the concession stand. The oil-covered nerdlet attending the afore-mentioned stand cocked her head at the huge blonde covered in glitter, speaking Swedish to a collection of little girls. She was not 100% certain who he was until he changed languages and there was just no mistaking his particular brand of butchered English.

"Hey you're Skwisgaar Skwigelf!" she said.

Tilde rolled her eyes. "Duh! The whole world knows that."

Skwisgaar drew himself to his full height, trying to seem his usual haughty self, even covered in glitter. He realized too late that tossing his hair merely stirred up the sparkling and the fragrance of bubble gum.

“Hi's. I's is needings...” he looked back at his nieces. “Whuts is you all wantingks agains?”

The collection of sparkly vampire princesses all placed their orders, since they spoke better English than their uncle anyway. They were leaving glinting trails of candy floss in the air, and glittering pools every time they stood still for more than a second. Worse still people were snapping photos while giggling. One guy was laughing so hard he could hardly stand up. As he finally landed on his ass on the floor, howling like a hyena, his girlfriend gave him a light kick before she walked over to Skwisgaar.

"Don't pay any attention to him. We all know only real men have guts enough to take their daughters to the movies."

“Dey is my nieces,” said Skwisgaar.

"They're all so adorable!" she said, though the smile is slightly strained as she thinks about how very much they look like their Uncle. She found herself wondering if there was a company in Sweden making Skwisgaar clones. “They certainly do bear a remarkable resemblance to you.”

“Is runnings in de families.”

The woman looked at the little girls. "Yes... I see that. Well if you clone the rest of the band you'll never have to worry about being too old to play."

Skwisgaar blinked in confusion. “Whut's is you means?”

Astrid rolled her eyes and took his hand. "Come on Uncle Skwisgaar, let's go watch the movie before this lady talks you into funding medical research to make more of Uncle William. One's enough."

Skwisgaar was clearly still confused. “Okays...”

He allowed himself to be led by the hand. They walked into the theatre and managed to find six seats, right next to a pair of emo!kids. Great. Skwisgaar’s opinion of emo!kids was just slightly lower than his opinion of dog crap on the sidewalk. If they had one more IQ point they would be smart enough to be Goths. Instead they just sulked and whined and looked morose. After all these two were fifteen, probably with two parents, a stable family life and a slightly better than usual economic circumstance so they of course knew how tough life could be.

There were many more females of all ages in the theatre than boys, most done up like Astrid and her sisters, although the Skwigelf girls by far topped the glitter scale. Astrid almost felt bad about talking Skwisgaar into this........... almost. Then she spotted some girls in the row behind her that she knew and they proceeded to shriek and giggle at each other and exchange glitter. Silver and blue glitter was added to the pink and gold. Badger had given each girl a one pound bag of the stuff, and the children were not exactly being restrained in their usage. The nuclear sparkle mushroom cloud soon spread to a thirty foot radius, though fortunately no one seemed to be complaining. When the lights lowered and the movie started the air within the theatre was twinkling as if filled with tiny constellations.

Skwisgaar suppressed a sigh and sank a bit lower in his chair, mostly for the sake of the people sitting behind him. Being almost seven feet tall did not make him popular in movie theatres. His fingers start to twitch, a nervous tic developed in childhood while locked in his room, trying to pretend he didn't hear anything in the room next to it. He wished he had his guitar to busy them, but that tended to make him even less popular in movie theatres. Skwisgaar smothered another sneeze, just as someone put Tilde on his lap, and a tall form with long brown hair slipped into the seat next to him.

"Boy, Skwisgaar, you all pretties an' sparklies!"

Skwisgaar looked at the person beside him in surprise. “Tokis? Whut's you is doings here?”

Toki shrugged. "Oh t’oughts you mights needings help. Five kids a lots to bes lookings after." He didn’t tell Skwisgaar the truth - that he had read Twilight in a fit of boredom and he was dying to see Skwisgaar melt at the total non-metalness of it. Just seeing his dearest and most beloved mortal enemy painted from head to foot in sparkles was worth the trip.

Wow, he was pretty…

Skwisgaar bristled faintly, never trusting an unsolicited offer of help. “You t'inks I can'ts handles it?”

"Oh, no, Skwisgaar, I knows you can. I's just backs-up for in case you is havings to takes da little ones to da ladies' room."

Skwisgaar narrowed his eyes, suspicious. He didn’t believe Toki, but... well, this whole experience might be more bearable if he had comrade to suffer by his side. Especially a tall, well-built comrade with long brown hair and big blue eyes.

Skwisgaar sat back in his seat with a disdainful huff. “Fines.”

Toki just smiled that little sidelong smile he always got when he was being bad. "Oh you is loves dis film Skwisgaar. Is abouts lady falls in loves wit' a vampire."

Skwisgaar suppressed a groan, but wasn’t able to resist rolling his eyes. Great, one of those deals, certain to be droning and dreadful, but maybe he would get to see some tits.

He made a mental note to cover Tilde's eyes during that part.

Toki reached across Skwisgaar to take a bit of offered popcorn from Astrid, making sure his fingers flicked through Skwisgaar's long silky hair. Skwisgaar gave his hair a slight shake, and Toki watched a cloud of glitter fall out of the blonde tresses.

"Wowee, Skwisgaar. Even you dandruff’s blonde."

“Shuts up, Tokis.”

Toki just smiled, daring to touch the long hair just once more, very lightly tugging at, watching the clouds of glitter drift down. Skwisgaar swatted at his hand.

“Stoppings it.”

Toki pouted. "Aw, what's da matter? You no fun, Skwisgaar." He pinched his butt

Skwisgaar jumped, eyes large. “Tokis!” he hissed. “Stops dat. Is littles kids wit' us.”

Toki knew there were kids with them, that was the whole point. Skwisgaar wouldn’t unload on him with his nieces present. Toki whispered softly into his ear; "I t'inks you very pretty."

Skwisgaar growled, low and threatening. Toki grinned, then leaned forward and said very gently into his ear, his voice genuinely shyly affectionate; "But you is very pretty, alls rumples up an' covers in glitter."

Skwisgaar snarled softly. Toki just smiled, used to Skwisgaar’s posturing. Skwisgaar was only a cold nasty bitch on the outside. On the inside he was a lukewarm nasty bitch. Toki attempted to appease him by offering to share his sweets - a kind he bought because he knew Skwisgaar liked them. Skwisgaar turned his nose up at the offer and snorted disdainfully.

"You sure?” said Toki. “Is mint flavoured. You likes mint..."

Skwisgaar huffed.

"And dey has caramel inside. You likes caramel..."

“Toki…” Skwisgaar growled warningly.

Toki blinked at him, all eyes and innocence. "Whats? So you likes caramel an' mints. Is nots likes dat bigs horribles secret."

Skwisgaar glared in response to Toki successfully gaining his attention, and wordlessly held out his hand. Toki shared his candy with him, and lost what was left in the box to Tilde. Skwisgaar munched the candy, now merely annoyed with Toki rather than pissed.

The movie played. The kids were mostly well behaved, although every time Edward the OMG A-MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZ-ING GOLDEN GOD appeared, Astrid and her friends tossed up fistfuls of glitter. Soon Toki was coated in the stuff as well as Skwisgaar. Toki initially began licking off the glitter, since it was sweet, but this soon left him damp and sticky with big blotches of glitter stuck to him. Skwisgaar supposed he should be grateful that Toki's less than dignified state was distracting him from the cinematic waste on the screen. He shot Toki a mildly disgusted look.

“Be havings somes prides, Toki.”

"I has prides. How was I supposed to know I ends up lookings likes lost kitty?" He cocked his head. "Dids dildo vampires guy just runs away from half-nakeds lady? Is vampires scareds of nakeds ladies? She cryings an' whinings for hims whole stupids movie. Now is just gettings good, he runs away."

A girl behind Toki snorted in derision. "Because their love is pure!" she snarked, adding an exasperated “Gawwwd!.”

"Pure bullshits," muttered Toki.

"Uncle Skwisgaar!" said Tilde. "Toki said 'bullshit'!"

Skwisgaar was unable to hide his grin. “Uncle Tokis!” he admonished. “Don'ts to be sayings 'bullshits'.”

Toki rolled his eyes and tried to watch the movie, though he would rather be wiping his butt with barbed wire. Then, just as Toki was having a drink of his soda, Skwisgaar nudged him with his elbow.

“Is would makes goods drinksings games, ja? You takes de shots every times is suckings.”

Toki laughed so hard that soda out his nose, Sprite going in all directions.

"EYEW!!" said Tilde.

Skwisgaar laughed loudly and received a mighty SHHH!! from the entire theatre. Signe, the second-eldest at a stately twelve years of age, gave the pair of snorting, snickering males her full disdain.

"Can't you two behave? Mommy's right, boys never grow up."

Skwisgaar pointed at Toki, grinning broadly. “He is startings it.”

Toki slowly straightened up, the straw firmly embedded in his nose. "Oh Skwisgaar, I t'ink I is havings terrible accident."

Signe, Astrid, and the nine year old twins Saga and Sara looked mortified. Tilde screamed. Skwisgaar struggled not to burst out laughing again and almost choked. As Toki snorted and snickered, Astrid pelted them with glitter.

"We should have made them wait in the car," said Signe.

In the background a very familiar voice muttered; "This is brutal."

Astrid put her hand over her face as Tilde yelled happily "HI UNCLE NATHAN!"

Skwisgaar abruptly turned around in his seat, scanning the higher rows of the theatre. “Nat'ans?”

Nathan was two rows behind them. Beside him was Pickles, looking annoyed.

"Yeah, hi,” said Nathan. “Pickles made me come." Pickles shot Nathan a look that very much implied this was not his idea.

“Comes downs heres! Sittings wit' us!” said Toki.

Nathan and Pickles moved down to the front row, seeing as several people had left to find a less noisy viewing of the movie. Toki and Pickles began sharing munchies while Skwisgaar happily relinquished Tilde as the glitter-drenched girl climbed onto Nathan’s lap, which was wider and less bony.

“So why you is comes when you's nots havings to?” asked Skwisgaar.

Nathan shrugged as Tilde began brushing his long black hair. Unlike Skwisgaar, Nathan didn’t mind having his hair played with. Of course he might have felt differently if he knew Tilde was happily combing neon pink and blue sparkling hair gel into it.

"Ah it was either watch you deal with like... the most unmetal vampire movie of all time or... y'know... listen to Murderface create the bass lines for his Planet Piss thing using his own flatulence so... we thought the movie might stink less,” said Nathan.

“Ja I is completesly understandings dat,” said Skwisgaar.

"Uncle William smells funny," said Tilde to Nathan as she styled his hair in ringlets.

Nathan just snorted. "Ain't nothing funny about the way he smells, honey. Oh my god. Is that... is that guy like... sparkling? So like that… explains all the glitter.”

Pickles cocked his head at the screan. "Dood. That... is sad. He's....? Vampires do naht sparkle! A'right? Do naht! And they don't go out in the daylight and.... AND THEY DON'T GO TO HIGH SCHOOL! ZOMBIES GO TO HIGH SCHOOL! NAHT VAMPIRES!"

Pickles was told to hush by numerous viewers.

“Zombies?” said Skwisgaar. “I t'oughts is wus wereswolves is goes to highs schools.”

“Nah I agree with Pickles," said Nathan. "I saw lots of zombies in high school. No werewolves or vampires. Tilde what are you doing?"

"I'm making you pretty like Edward!" said the child.

Nathan thought on that... worriedly.

“Buts... isn't dats is whuts dats movies wus? Bigs Wolves on de Camps?” said Skwisgaar.

"Ah that movie blew," said Pickles.

"Ja," said Toki. Is true. Its blew."

Satisfied with what she had done to Nathan's hair, Tilde sat down to watch the film with the rest of the group in relative silence. Now that Tilde was off Skwisgaar's lap, Toki decided to try the old tried-and-true stretch-and-accidentally-put-your-arm-around-the-babe-next-to-you routine. Astrid and Signe rolled their eyes. Nathan and Pickles exchanged glances, grinning. Skwisgaar, who was quite familiar with the gesture, did not believe for a moment that Toki would try it on him, and this had to be an accident.

“Toki, you's arm is on mes. Takes it offs.”

Toki moved it, "accidentally" brushing the long golden hair. Skwisgaar shook his hair in irritation again. It was such a bother being gorgeous. Then Sara looked at Skwisgaar and announced that she had to pee and so did her twin sister. Toki and Pickles meanwhile were sharing popcorn and doing their best not to stare at the big sparkly dolly-ringlets Tilde had styled Nathan's hair into. Skwisgaar was just happy for an excuse to stop watching the movie for a few minutes and escape.

“Okays. Comes on.” He nudged Nathan's ankle with his foot. “Makes ways. And watches de girls for mes.”

"Yeah yeah," said Nathan as Tilde festooned him with glitter. Nathan could be shockingly patient at times. Skwisgaar meanwhile ushered the twins into the aisle and escorted them back through the theatre and into the lobby to the ladies' room.

“Okies dere you goes. I waits outs heres for yous.”

Saga and Sara look up at their uncle, blinking big blue eyes, tiny faces covered in glitter.

"What if we get stuck?" asked Saga.

Skwisgaar blinked. “Gets stucks in whuts?”

"In the toilet," said Sara.

Skwisgaar looked puzzled. “Why woulds you gets stucks in toilets?”

"We wouldn't," said Saga. "But what happens if we do?"

“Den yells for helps. Bat'rooms echoes. I hears you.”

Together the two little girls went into the ladies' room, leaving Skwisgaar to decorate the lobby. Seven feet of sparkling dethgod was not hard to miss. A couple minutes after the little girls went into the bathroom, Saga suddenly uttered a scream that had every parent in the lobby looking concerned. Skwisgaar yanked the door open and poked his head into the room.

“Sagas?? Whuts is wrongs?”

Sara looks at her sister. "See? I told> you he wouldn't come running in all the way in.”

Saga rolled her eyes. "And I told you we should both scream."

Skwisgaar glowered at them. “Just does you's businesses an’ hurries up.”

The little girls finished up and washed their hands, then paraded passed their uncle in a cloud of sparkles. The trio returned to their seats to find everybody seated quietly. Nathan's hair looked like it was styled by an alcoholic octopus with a glitter fixation, there was a veritable Martian dust-storm of glitter, Pickles seems to have been gold plated, and the two rows behind them have been cleared. Toki was gone.

"I barfed!" announced Tilde pridefully.

Skwisgaar patted her on the head. “Goods for yous.”

"Yeah it was awesome," said Nathan. "She totally nailed Toki."

Skwisgaar grinned. “Excellents.”

Pickles gave Skwisgaar a sidelong look, then pelted him with a handful of glitter just because he wasn’t sparkly enough. Skwisgaar sneezed violently. Saga... who had been waiting for this moment, threw a blob of some sort of vile green viscous matter speckled with red and white onto the front of his shirt.

"GROSS! Uncle Skwisgaar use a hankie!"

Skwisgaar balked momentarily, then glared at the child, grabbing the blob, pulling it off his shirt and squishing it between his fingers.

“Maybes dats blacks dress on you's is needs some colors.”

Saga was hardly daunted. "Maybe. But I wouldn't play with that. Uncle William helped me make it and I don't know what's in it.”

Skwisgaar paused for exactly three seconds, staring in horror at the blob. Then he made a disgusted squawk and carelessly flung the matter away. Someone in the audience cried out in horror. Skwisgaar hid in his seat, doing a very good job of pretending he had no idea where that stuff someone just got hit with came from.

After a few minutes Toki showed up and sat down, still vaguely damp and smelling of barf and bathroom dispenser soap. Even his hair was wet. As the air-borne glitter settled on him, it melted, and soon he looked like a glazed doughnut. Skwisgaar snickered. Toki shook his long hair and "accidentally" slapped Skwisgaar with the wet tresses.

"Oh, sorry Skwisgaar."

Skwisgaar growled at Toki, wiping his face. He refrained from cussing him out due to the presence of his nieces. Toki just grinned, once more focusing on the movie. Pickles meanwhile was wondering how long it would take Skwisgaar to notice the two wanker whiner wanna-be emo!twits were cruising his niece. He could have warned the kids away, but watching Skwisgaar go Viking on their asses would be much more fun. Skwisgaar had in fact been keeping a very close eye on the boys, wondering if they had any idea that Astrid and her sisters were actually accompanied by adults. He had a funny feeling from their attitude that they didn’t.

Astrid was not adverse to the attention of one of the boys at all. He was about her age and, she thought, pretty cute. She tried to engage him in conversation, but he was far too emo. Eventually Astrid gave up in her attempts to speak with him, and once it became clear she was done trying to be friendly he finally bestirred his tortured soul to speak to her. Skwisgaar decided that this little asshole was on his shit-list, but for the moment he held his tongue. After all he was not exactly current on the social interactions of fourteen-year-olds. Boy Two appeared to be slightly less appealing than Murderface – he was happily picking his nose, which prompted Astrid to lean away from him the moment she noticed. Boy One gave her a sullen, disdainful look.

"What? You don't like us now? Judgemental cow."

Before anyone could react, Skwisgaar had the kid by the hair and would likely have taken him apart except for the small matter of Astrid being in the way. Emo!Boy Two booked it. Clearly they had not realized that Astrid was not alone after all. Skwisgaar let Boy Two go, opting to just generally scare-the-piss-out-of Boy One. He snarled hate and anger into the kid’s face.

“Whuts dids you calls my nieces?”

The boy stared in terror at a really, really big guy who appeared to be quite prepared to take him to pieces.

"He called me a judgemental cow because his disgusting friend was picking his nose and I didn't like it,” said Astrid.

Skwisgaar yanked harder, bringing the boy nose-to-nose with him. “I t'inks you's is apologizing nows.”

The boy stared at him in terror. "Yeah... yeah okay... I'm sorry. I just uh... wanna go now..."

Skwisgaar growled, eyes gleaming. “Says it to Astrid!”

The boy looked at Astrid. "I'm sorry I called you a cow."

"Want me to hurt him?" asked Pickles. "'Cause I totally will."

Astrid just smiled at Pickles. "No. I think he's learned his lesson."

“He is betters,” Skwisgaar growled.

Skwisgaar gave the boy one last threatening shake before he released him. The boy stood up, rubbing his hair, almost in tears. At least after getting his ass publicly kicked the kid finally had something to be emo about. His lower lip quivered.

"Bitch faggot!" he shot, then fled.

Skwisgaar lunged out of the chair and tore after the kid. Astrid sighed and sank down into her chair.

"Awwww... " said Toki. "Just likes he Edsward an' you is Bella!"

Astrid covered her face, mortified. Toki got up to follow after his friend and make sure he didn’t do anything that would give Charles a migraine. Skwisgaar caught the boy just as he was reaching the door to freedom and shoved him none too gently against the wall. The boy stared at Skwisgaar in utter terror, suddenly realizing just how big this guy was. The kid covered his head with his hands.

"Sorry!" he squeaked.

Skwisgaar loomed over him, lip curled. “Is you? Is you really sorries?”

"Yes!" the boy squeaked again. "Please don't kill me!"

Skwisgaar seemed to honestly consider doing just that for several tense seconds, then dropped the kid with a grunt of distaste. The kid fled, burning out of the theatre like his ass was on fire. Skwisgaar growled after him and tossed his hair, oblivious to the cloud of glitter it stirred up.

“An’ you nail polish is cheaps!” he yelled after the kid.

Toki walked up, luminous from the glazing and the glittering, and stopped beside Skwisgaar.

"Films is endings," he said quietly.

Skwisgaar sighed. “T'anks Odins. Can'ts takings much mores of dis.”

Toki smiled. "Wasn'ts too bads. Nice sometimes to watch somet'ings is nots brutal. Well... was brutal but... nots in usuals way. Was nice of you to standings up for Astrid."

“I’s her Uncles, is my jobs pro-stects her from dildos an’ jacksoff.”

“Was still cool.” Toki then added hesitantly; "Maybe... sometime... you an' me is go see a movies."

Skwisgaar gave him a puzzled look. “Ja. Ja, we can sees movies. Why nots?”

Toki smiled brightly. If he was a puppy he would have fallen onto his back and wiggled. He might even have peed on himself.

"Maybes... dinner afters?"

Skwisgaar shrugged. “Ja. Well is needs to eats.”

Toki glanced towards the theatre audience. He didn’t have a lot of time. People were beginning to get out of their seats and hunt for their coats. He had seconds, and only limited courage. He swallowed hard and said softly; "Maybes... spends da night... togethers afters?"

Skwisgaar was further confused. Didn’t they spend most nights together? They were always hanging out together.

“Ja... Ja, I t'inks so.”

As soon as Skwisgaar said yes, Toki nearly had heart failure. He couldn’t believe his luck and it didn’t occur to him for a moment that they were not talking about the same thing. All he knew was he finally had his deepest, fondest dream come true. He pressed Skwisgaar against the wall, using the last remaining seconds of darkness in the theatre to give him a brief, hungry kiss, hands resting on Skwisgaar’s lean sides. Then the light came up and Toki stepped back, knowing it wouldn't do to get caught publicly kissing Skwisgaar. As Toki turned to watch what the rest of their group was doing, Skwisgaar just stood, unable to move or respond, absolutely stunned by what had just happened.

Holy crap, it was a kiss…

Nathan and Pickles approached, Tilde half-asleep in Nathan’s arms, her own arms around his neck, her sisters trailing after them.

"C'mon," said Nathan. "Let's get out of here. I'd prefer to keep the public photos of this night to a minimum."

Toki scooped up Saga, who was yawning. She was only nine, and the movie went past her bed time. Toki glanced at Skwisgaar, giving him a brief little smile, his eyes positively shining with joy. Then he left the theatre, following Nathan as Pickles held the door for the remaining girls. Skwisgaar was still mostly frozen in place, gaping at Toki. With the lights up, Pickles got a good look at how glitter-encrusted he was in a decorative mirror.

"Ah hell, I looked like I have a shiny octopus on my head," he mumbled. Pickles then noticed the look on Skwisgaar's face. "You okay?" he asked.

Skwisgaar stared after Toki, his mouth moving soundlessly at first, finally managing to speak.

“Toki... He...” Skwisgaar shook his head. “Nut'inks... Is... nut'inks.” He began wandering after his friends. Pickles grinned.

"Finally got the nerve up to kiss you, huh?" said Pickles.

Skwisgaar paused, turning his head to give Pickles a confused, stricken look. He then continued to zombie-wander after Toki. Pickles just smiled and trailed after Skwisgaar, ignoring the cameras as people began snapping shots of the festively festooned rockers. Pickles just curled his lip in annoyance. Geeze you'd think people never saw a gold-plated Irish death metal drummer before. Fortunately most cameras were trained on Natie-Locks, and Skwisgaar. Most guys couldn’t wear five pounds of glitter. But in the theatre’s brightness, Skwisgaar looked like what he was; an ancestor of the Vikings from the lands of ice and snow, touched by the northern lights, walking slowly in his own radiance.

Skwisgaar was beautiful. The rest of them looked like they lost a fight with Tinkerbelle.

Skwisgaar did not put on his usual show for the cameras; he was in no mood for their attention tonight, so rather than playing up to them, giving them the suggestive smiles and the incidental glances, he kept his eyes forward, his head high, displaying nothing but purest disdain and superiority towards the onlookers. Toki paused long enough to get his own picture taken, grinning at the way Skwisgaar could stop traffic with no effort whatsoever. Edward Cullen must be pitching an emo-tanty to end all emo-tanties; no pansy sparkly vampire could compete with Skwisgaar under two layers of glitter. Toki pulled out his cell phone and emailed himself a reminder to check the fan-sites for pictures of Skwisgaar to make into his new screensaver. Or maybe he could just try to take a couple for himself. Nathan meanwhile caught sight of himself in another decorative mirror and sighed.

"Why didn't anyone tell me that I look like an idiot?"

Skwisgaar noticed Toki taking pictures of him and rolled his eyes, huffing and tossing his hair.

“Because is more funs dis ways,” he said to Nathan.

Nathan gave serious thought to giving Skwisgaar a wedgie, but there were two problems with that; one – they were due to start laying tracks for the new album and upsetting Skwisgaar would just make that a new kind of hell, and two - Skwisgaar didn’t wear underwear. Instead Nathan gave his ass a quick pinch. Skwisgaar jumped in surprise, then retaliated by giving Nathan's ass a loud, resounding smack. Astrid hid behind her hands, vowing to never ask her uncle to take her anywhere ever again.

The group left the theatre, walking over to the limo and loading in the kids. Nathan looked at Toki.

“So you uh… coming with me and Pickles?”

“No is okies,” said Toki. “I stay wit’ Skwisgaar and helps hm wit’s da kids.”

“Okay, later then.”

Nathan and Pickles went to the huge Murdercycle, taking the massive machine back home, leaving Toki with Skwisgaar and the kids. Toki got into the limo, sitting on the floor so that the kids have room to sleep. Tilde was already face down asleep on one of the seats, and her sisters were yawning and blinking. Toki gazed at Skwisgaar as he sat down beside Tilde.

"You look really pretty," said Toki softly.

“Always looks pretty,” said Skwisgaar dismissively. “Now is just sparklies.”

Toki nodded. "Ja but... just extra-pretty now," he said softly.

Skwisgaar watched him warily from the corner of his eye, seeming to have several things to say to Toki, but then he chose to look out the window instead.

“Alrights den.” Skwisgaar said quietly.

Astrid was the only one of the crew still mostly awake but she was not really interested in why Toki thought her uncle was pretty; he was pretty, and it didn’t strike her fourteen-year-old mind as odd that Toki would say so. Her friends told her that she was pretty, so why shouldn't Skwisgaar’s friends tell him that he pretty? Astrid yawned, wondering why the limo wasn't moving, not realizing Badger and Angie were still savouring the last moments of 'Watchmen'. Skwisgaar meanwhile kept his gaze directed at the window, saying nothing for a long time. When he finally did speak, it was quietly, and in Norwegian, which he knew almost as well as his native tongue. Best of all the girls were not as familiar with it as he was.

“When you asked to go to a movie and all of that,” said Skwisgaar, keeping his gaze focused out the window. “You meant it as a date.”

"Yes," said Toki softly. "I thought you understood that."

Skwisgaar almost smiled. “I didn't.”

Toki's heart broke almost visibly. The bright shine left his eyes, and he seemed to become smaller.

"Oh," he said quietly. "I guess... you don't want to do it now."

Skwisgaar did smile, just a little bit, still not looking at Toki. He switched back to English.

“Didn'ts says dat.”

Toki looked up sharply, blue eyes bright and hopeful. "So... you would? Just you and me? Together?"

Skwisgaar shrugged. “Whys nots?”

Toki stayed with Norwegian. It was just easier than fighting to make himself understood in English.

"Oh I don't know, maybe because you seem to think of me as some sort pathetic lower life form."

Skwisgaar mused on how as a child Toki must have never pulled the pigtails of a girl he liked or called her "Cootieface". Skwisgaar raised an eyebrow at him.

“You is wants I says ‘no’ insteads?”

"No,” said Toki quietly. “I want you to come down on the floor so I can finally put my arms around you, and this fucking bleeding hole in my heart that I've had since the first time I saw you and knew you hated me will finally heal."

Skwisgaar turned his head to look at Toki, the haughty demeanour slowly fading away. He slipped down off the seat to sit on the floor. Toki put his arms around him and drew him close, burying his face in the long glitter-infused hair, hands gently running over Skwisgaar’s long back.

"I love you. I've loved you for so long," Toki whispered.

Skwisgaar sighed quietly, placing his hand on the top of Toki's head and petting him comfortingly. Regardless of how Skwisgaar felt, and it was very possible that he felt exactly as Toki did, he was not ready for that admission or conversation yet.

“Is okays, Toki,” he said quietly. “Is being okays.”

"Never be okies until you love me too," Toki said quietly, switching back to English. He kissed Skwisgaar softly. "Evert'ing else nots important. Just you." Toki grinned. "Buts you already is knowings dat."

Skwisgaar gave him a fond little nuzzle. “Den just pretendings is okays untils we's nots in smalls space wit' bunch of littles girl.”

Toki gently ran his hand lightly over Skwisgaar's throat, then raised his head to give him a soft, lingering kiss.

"Okies." He gently kissed him again. "Gee, you know, is no fair poor Murderface nots here to gets all sticky wit' sugar-glitter and has his hair styles pretty. Maybe when we gets home we is shoulds fixes dat."

Skwisgaar raised an eyebrow, remembering the squish of the unnamed vile substance in his hand.

“Ja maybe we shoulds. Is onlies fair.”

Toki grinned, then pressed close to Skwisgaar, the pair exchanging soft kisses and light caresses, secure in their little cocoon parked before the movie theatre. After a few brief minutes, Skwisgaar drew back slightly, giving Toki a light nuzzle before he did so. He was not entirely comfortable with more than a minimal amount of cuddling with his nieces nearby, and Toki understood his feelings on the matter. He took Skwisgaar’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Where is roadies? I don'ts care if we is staying here all nights buts little girls needs baths and beds."

Speaking of the Devil was the best way to cause him to manifest, and no sooner had Toki uttered those words than Angie and Badger returned. Toki looked up as he felt the faint shift of the vehicle, meaning someone was getting into the driver’s seat. He returned his attention to Skwisgaar, relishing their brief time together.

In the front seat, Badger looked at Angie as she started the mighty dethlimo... which smelled of bubble gum and was thoroughly infested with sparkles. Glitter was even coming out of the vents, and Badger sighed as candy sprinkles blew delicately around the inside of the cab of the vehicle. Badger noticed that Angie seemed subdued and upset.

"This can't be because I said Dan could kick what'shisface's ass is it?"

Angie bristled slightly, actually wiping at her eyes and sniffling. “Rorschach. And no. I am beyond trying to convince you of the countless levels of wrong in that statement.”

Badger sighed. Hysterical nervy rock stars he could deal with. Crying co-workers who could level a city block single-handedly he couldn’t.

"Then what is it?"

Angie’s lower lip trembled. She let out a single choked sob, burying her face in her hands. That alone was enough to worry Badger, because Angie never cried. She didn’t even cry when during the reconstruction of the fortress a section of wall fell on her foot, and Badger had cried just thinking about it. He put an arm around her.

“Aw come on, it’s okay. You can tell me.”

Angie snuffled loudly. “He died!!”

Badger stared at her, blinking. It was not as if he had never seen a display of emotion before. He was just... not used to seeing them from Angie. And... he was really not used to seeing them from Angie over a character. He fumbled to find the right thing to say to her.

"Um... it's okay... he didn't really die. He just faked his death. He just... ran away to a cabin in the woods and Dan is gonna join him."

Angie was a not-quite-closet comic book fangirl at heart, and the utter absurdness of Badger’s statement was enough to cut through the tears and make her howl with laughter.

“Better?” he asked.

“That’s so stupid!” said Angie.

“It is not. They could take up sheep ranching and do a whole Brokeback Mountain thing.”

Angie just rolled her eyes. Badger put an arm around her as she started the limousine forward.

"I always rewrite the ending for movies when I don't like it,” said Badger. “You can do that with fictional characters. You can give them any kind of happy ending you like. Besides, Simon used that line on Jamie when they saw Watchmen and it worked."

Angie rubbed at her face quickly with one hand. “Yeah, I grew up with the kid. When he first read the comic, I had to tell him it was all a dream so he'd stop moping.”

“Yeah he’s a bit sensitive to be a Gear but dammit the kid gets the job done, providing you’re not asking him to go kill armed soldiers with a mace.” Badger cast a quick glance at the security camera that monitored the enclosed back of the limo, and grinned when he saw Toki gently and affectionately nuzzling Skwisgaar. He immediately called Charles.

"Charlie? Hey. Badger. We have a slight change in band dynamic going on here."

Charles was certainly not taking advantage of a Dethklok-free evening to treat himself to a bubble bath and scented candles in the main fire hall hot tub, certainly not. Nor was he soaking in bubbles with slices of cucumber on his eyes and helping himself to one of Pickles’ frou-frou umbrella drinks.

“How so?” he asked. “Nothing bad I hope.”

Badger grinned and sent him a picture. "Aren't they cute?"

Charles removed the cucumber from his eyes and loaded the picture. He found he was unable to hold back a smile at the sight of Toki and Skwisgaar settled close and kissing shyly.

“Well, that's a much nicer change than I was anticipating. About time, too.”

Badger grinned. "We'll have them home in about an hour, boss. Enjoy your bubbles."

Charles narrowed his eyes. “I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about,” he said archly and hung up. He replaced the cucumber slices and sipped his drink. Beside him sat Murderface in a similar pose.

“Told you thish wash nische,” said Murderface.

“William… this was a brilliant idea. Now let’s agree to never tell anyone.”

“Well that juscht goesh without shaying.”

Back in the limo, Angie drove the vehicle, one hand on the wheel, twirling her bangs around her finger on her free hand.

“Hey, Badger?”

Badger glanced at her. "Yeeees?"

Angie grinned broadly. When she spoke her voice was bright and happy.

“You tell anyone I cried, and I'll kill you."