Toki Warwoof

Rating: PG
Category: AU
Pairing(s): Toki/Skwisgaar, Nathan/Charles.
Warnings: Puppy peenies, mention of rimming.
Summary:Toki has a furry problem.
Notes: The second of two fics for ftw302! Sorry it’s a bit late… okay a lot late. Meep. In an rpg I’m playing Toki is accidentally turned into a werewolf, and FTW wanted to know how that happened.

“Well there’s something you don’t see everyday,” said the doctor.

“Yes, well, let’s be thankful for that,” said Charles. “Can you fix him?”

Dr. Blackwood walked over to the examination table and studied the very large canine perched on it. The creature was magnificent, slender and elegant, like a cross between a wolf and a Borzoi. The fur was long and silky, and the alert pointed ears were back against the well-formed skull in annoyance.

“Where you go to meds-icals school?” asked the animal. “Transylvanias?”

“Now, Toki,” said Dr. Blackwood, “don’t be like that…”

“Don’ts be likes what?! You ruin my life!”

“It is not ruined, we just don’t know how to turn you back yet. Now if you will just…”

Toki sneezed on him, aiming dead for his face. Blackwood sputtered and backed up, clawing at the wet matter all over him.

“TOKI!”

“Oh, sorry, I woulds have covers my mouth BUTS I GOTS NO HANDS!”

Charles interjected himself into the conversation. “Dr. Blackwood how did this happen?”

“I have not the faintest idea,” snarled the doctor, still wiping his face.

Charles stared at Toki. Toki stared back.

“He’s a wolf,” said Charles.

“I can see that he is a wolf,” grumbled Blackwood.

Toki blinked at them. This whole ordeal had started weeks ago, when he had been diagnosed with arthritis in his wrist and shoulder. Clearly the condition could not be allowed to worsen, so Blackwood threw himself into the situation, exploring every treatment from the most modern to the oldest of folk treatments. Then he began working on his own theories regarding the treatment, blending modern medicine with certain herbal treatments. It seemed to be working beautifully. Then, just a mere hour ago, in the middle of a perfectly acceptable round of fornication, Toki had an abrupt change of life. It had been the most eventful lovemaking session of Skwisgaar’s life.

“It nots my faults!” pouted Toki. “And you didn'ts has to scream.”

Skwisgaar was huddled in a corner, rocking, blue eyes large and staring. “Its was all... purples...”

“Is perfectsly normals doggy wee-wee!” huffed Toki. “Besides, I see some of dose ladies you bring home. You can'ts is tellings me you is nevers doing it wit' a dog before.”

Skwisgaar closed his eyes and shuddered, uttering a squeaking noise. Charles sighed.

“Skwisgaar, calm down. It's nobody's fault and it's over now.”

Skwisgaar turned on him. “You stays outs of it! What's you knows? You woulds probablies likes if dat happens to you!”

“That is not true!” said Charles. “And stop reading my private blog!”

Nathan raised an eyebrow and looked over at Charles, who was blushing furiously. “Uh... anything you wanna tell me, Charlie?”

“NO!”

“Is okies, Nat’an,” said Skwisgaar. “I sends you da links and passwords.”

Pickles grinned at Charles. “Oh dood now you GOTTA tell us, ‘cause we’ll just find out anyway.”

“I have to tell you nothing!” said Charles indignantly.

Skwisgaar grinned wickedly. “Hey Nat'ans, you shoulds knowings. Hasn'ts he asking yous to wears dose ears to beds sometimes?”

“Hey, this isn't about Charles and his... werewolf fetish,” said Nathan. “And I only howl when he asks nicely.”

“Nathan!” exclaimed Charles in horror. “That is it, I am changing the password TONIGHT!”

“Well dood!” said Pickles. “Your password is "several species of small and furry animals gathered together in a cave and grooving with a pict." Like how are we NAHT supposed to figure that out? ANY Pink Floyd fan would get it in a heart beat.”

“Fine. I'm changing it to a math reference. Calculus, even.”

Toki immediately perked up, ears erect. “Oh boys, CALCULUS!”

Charles groaned inwardly. “Ahh... Toki? You... like calculus?”

“Oh ja, is greats fun! I loves it. Algebras, too.”

Nathan shuddered at the Algebra reference. Charles simply sighed.

“Okay. Then... I will have to think of something else sufficiently nerdy that none of you would guess.”

“Dood we can be nerdy if we have to,” said Pickles. “Don't underestimate us. I still have my pocket protector collection.”

“Can't you all just... not read my private things?” asked Charles hopefully.

“Aw buts we reads all each other's all da time!” said Toki. “We even reads abouts what Skwisgaar dids wit' Melmard.” He looked offended. “Can't believes he complain abouts me turning into a woof afters DAT. I neededs a bath!

Skwisgaar’s jaw dropped. “Tokis! I t'oughts we is agrees nots to tellings butlers abouts dat...”

“Well I mads! Crazy mad doctor ruins my life! Looks at me! I got fur ands a tail and paws... how I plays guitars likes dis??”

“Blackwood is working on a way to reverse it, Toki,” said Charles.

“Buts dis awfuls! I nakeds an' I is havings bugs an' other woofs is smellings my butts! You haves ANY idea what is feel like to gets icy wet nose on you bum hole?”

A haunted look crossed Skwisgaar’s face. “Ja...”

Toki snorted disdainfull. “Oh an’ who has idea for rim job anyways?”

Pickles had something that resembled a seizure. Charles just stared blankly at Toki for a long moment.

“Well, I'm done,” he finally said. He more or less fled the examination room, heading to his room to change his password and drink… mostly to drink. Nathan followed after him, making little growling, muttering noises.

"Dood, gahd, the shit I'm learning about people,” muttered Pickles.

“Well whats is we doings about me?!” asked Toki. “I don’t wants to be werewoof!”

“Just let me run some tests and see if I can figure out what triggered the metamorphosis,” said the doctor. “In the meantime just try to stay calm. We’ll get this figured out.”

“Yeah and in the meantime we can take you to the park and use you to pick up chicks,” said Pickles.

“Yeah! And we can teach you to play fetch,” said Murderface.

“And speak!” said Pickles. “But… like… you know, without the accent.”

“Hey!” said Murderface. “Hey I just thought of shomething. What if he shtays like thish? We could have the world’sh only death metal wolf in our band!”

“How I goings to plays da metal wit’ paws?” said Toki.

“With a steel guitar!” said Pickles. “You lay a steel guitar flat to play it. I mean you’ll still be limited in what you can do, but…”

“Oh let’s try!” said Toki.

Skwisgaar watched as Toki leaped off the examination table and loped down to the recording studio, Pickles and Murderface chasing after him. Sighing, the traumatized Swede followed after them.

Several hours later, in a Duncan Hills coffee shop, several people sat together at a table, watching a You!Tube video in which some sort of incredibly large and wolfish-looking canine was jamming on a steel guitar with Skwisgaar Skwigelf. The video was called ‘Toki Warwoof’.

“Dude,” said one person. “That is just so many kinds of messed up I don’t know where to start. When did Dethklok get a dog, anyway?”

“I don’t know,” said a second person. “But there’s this really awesome unauthorized video of Nathan Explosion chasing some little nerdy guy in a grey suit while wearing a pair of wolf ears and a tail…”