Two of Us
Chapter Four

Rating: R
Category: AU
Pairing(s): Nathan/Charles
Warnings: Nakeds horsies and seminal fluids. Possible squick warning, ya may wanna wear a condom for this one, folks
Summary: Charles comes to terms with the ghosts of his past, and is welcomed into Dethklok’s inner circle, which turns out to be crowded, wet and untimely.
Notes:

Two of us riding nowhere,
Spending someone's
Hard earned pay.
You and me Sunday driving,
Not arriving,
On our way back home.
We're on our way home.
We're on our way home.
We're going home.

Two of us sending postcards,
Writing letters
On my wall.
You and me burning matches,
Lifting latches
On our way back home.
We're on our way home.
We're on our way home.
We're going home.

You and I have memories,
Longer than the road that stretches out ahead,

Two of us wearing raincoats,
Standing so low
In the sun.
You and me chasing paper,
Getting nowhere
On our way back home.
We're on our way home.
We're on our way home.
We're going home…

Nathan could tell the cop was having serious second thoughts about detaining them, judging by the way he kept glancing at Charles. As they were in a quiet rural area he was probably free to change his mind, and he hadn’t advised anyone of their arrest yet. Nathan thought the Chupacabra remark had probably been the last straw on top of the smell of pot and tequila, and he knew how little cops cared to be teased. But the officer seemed to be debating the wisdom of taking someone to the local lockup who was so very clearly ill and making him sit all night in wet clothes in a chilly cell for something so small. Finally he seemed to come to a decision and opened the back door, poking his head in.

“Do you mind if I search your car?” he asked.

Nathan put an arm around Charles, forgetting for the moment he was shackled and accidentally snapping the handcuffs like cheap plastic. He paused, then looked at the cop apologetically.

“Uh… sorry. Yeah go check the car, it’s fine.”

The cop raised an eyebrow. “I’m really glad you didn’t want to fight with me.”

Nathan watched the cop close the door and head back to the Monte Carlo. The cop opened the door, then immediately jerked his head back, shaking it and coughing.

“Great,” Nathan said quietly. “Looks like Randy the Ghost is busy tonight.”

The cop finished choking and walked back to the car, looking very annoyed with himself that he had been feeling any pity for these two. He opened the door and gave them a cold stare.

“Where are you hiding the marijuana?”

Nathan and Charles exchanged glances, then Charles sighed.

“If I answer that you’ll just get angry.”

“No I won’t. Just tell me the truth.”

“You will get angry because you’ll think we’re jerking you around.”

“Not if you’re being truthful.”

Charles and Nathan looked at each other, and sighed.

“There is no pot,” said Charles. “The car is haunted.”

The cop was not amused. “Now how stupid do I look? Where’s the pot?”

“There is no pot,” said Charles. “The car is haunted.”

“Well that’s fine, then, I’m calling a K9 officer, we’ll find your haunted marijuana.”

The cop closed the door and went to radio his fellow officer. Charles closed his eyes and leaned against Nathan.

“I’m cold.”

“You’re burning up.”

“I just want to go to bed.”

They huddled together in the car as a K9 officer arrived with his dog. Nathan and Charles watched as the beast enthusiastically checked the entire car, then looked at his handler as if asking what the joke was. He searched twice more, and came to the same conclusion both times; there was no dope. The only drugs they had found were Charles’ prescriptions for his pneumonia, and the only alcohol was in a sealed container in the trunk. The two cops and one dog seemed puzzled.

“Well have the dog check it again!”

“Benny my dog has searched this car three times. There’s no dope.”

“Then your dog is faulty. That car reeks of dope, Jeff, now stick your head in and smell!”

Jeff did. Jeff looked at his dog. The dog looked back. Jeff and his dog looked at Benny.

“I don’t smell a thing and neither does Falco.”

Frustrated, Benny stomped back to his patrol car and opened the door.

“Look I’m getting a little peeved here, now where is the dope?’

“There is no dope,” Charles repeated quietly and firmly. “The car is haunted.”

Benny was starting to look rather angry, and his right eye was beginning to twitch. Nathan sighed heavily, then cast a worried look at Charles, who seemed to be getting smaller. He returned his gaze to the irate cop.

“Look if we can prove the car is haunted, will you let us go?”

Benny looked jaded and annoyed. Jeff’s eyes lit up.

“Sure! What do I do?”

Charles coughed. “Sit on the front passenger seat, facing forward with the door closed, and say ‘Randy are you back there?’ He’ll respond. At the very least the marijuana smell will return and you will find out why your friend is convinced we’re smuggling drugs.”

Jeff walked back to the old Monte Carlo and got in, closing the passenger side door, and breathed deeply. He didn’t smell marijuana at all. He smelled a whiff of cleaner, a hint of nacho chips, and the usual other odours he associated with a car that saw a great deal of use, but no pot, and no booze. Maybe Benny needed a vacation? It was a bit creepy in here, though. He cleared his throat.

“Randy are you back there?”

The hair on the back of Jeff’s neck suddenly went straight up as the air in the old car went stone cold, and there was a gagging reek of marijuana.

“Well well,” said a soft friendly voice from the back seat. “What can I do for you, officer?”

Jeff tore out of the car and over to Benny, nearly hysterical.

“Let them go. Just… let them go. The damned car is haunted!”

Benny did release them, although he made them take a breath test first, but neither of them registered high enough to prevent them from driving. They were let go, and Nathan got in behind the wheel as Charles slid into the passenger side.

“How did you know Randy would show?” asked Nathan.

“I didn’t. I just hoped. He’s always looked after me before. Besides it was his fault the cop smelled dope in the first place.” Charles let his head fall back. “Oh Nate I feel so awful. I’m freezing cold, I just want to get to bed.”

“We’ll be there soon.”

They drove to the motel, Nathan leaving Charles curled up on the front seat as he went in to book the room. He returned after a few minutes, gathering up Charles and carrying him to their room. He placed him on the bed, then went back to the car to fetch their things. By the time he came back Charles was slowly peeling off the remains of his suit, looking decidedly ill. Nathan made him some hot coffee with rum in it, and gave him his medication.

“So much for romantic gestures,” said Nathan.

“It was lovely. I’m just cold.”

“Well… here.” Nathan pulled out his bathrobe, a gigantic affair made of some sort of baby-soft fabric. It was far too big for Charles, but once he was bundled into it and under the covers with his coffee, propped against the pillows, he did feel better. He turned on the TV and flipped to the appropriate channel to watch the Dethklok Minute. What they got was Pickles, Murderface, Toki and Skwisgaar holding missing person flyers.

“Nathan,” said Charles, “did you not tell the guys we took a side trip to California?”

“I thought you did. You’d think they’d be smart enough to just try calling us.”

“Maybe they have. Check your deth phone.”

Nathan pulled the large device out. “Huh. Battery is dead. Don’t ghosts like… drain electronic devices?”

Charles sighed heavily and reached for the motel room phone. “Thanks a lot, Randy,” he muttered as he dialled Pickles’ number. It was answered after the first ring.

“Y’lo.”

“Pickles? It’s Charles.”

“Charles! Oh thank god, dood, where the fuck have you been, we’ve been worried sick!”

Before Charles could respond he heard other lines joining the call.

“Y’know you could have jusht called,” said Murderface, “it’sh really inconshiderate to make people worry.”

“Ja,” said Skwisgaar. “Makings us worry, having to calls da police reportingks you is missings…”

“Making us hide all our dope so we could call the police,” added Pickles.

“Dere is monsters unders my beds an’ no ones to chase dem!” said Toki.

Charles smiled. “Toki there are no monsters under your bed.”

“Ja is so! I hears dem!”

“Those are not monsters, they are mice, and they are under there because you insist on leaving your half-finished sandwiches on the floor.”

“Well I don’ts wants da monsters to go hungries, dey might eats me.”

Charles pinched the bridge of his nose and mentally counted to ten. “We’re sorry to have worried you.”

“Where are you?” asked Pickles.

“California,” said Charles. “Visiting some friends.”

“How’s the pneumonia?”

“Persistent. But I’m fine.”

They spoke for a while, and, after much assurance that all was well, Charles hung up and rolled towards Nathan. He put his head on his shoulder, resting his hand on his chest, blinking sleepily.

“Nathan?”

“Yeah?”

“I had fun tonight.”

“Me too.”

Charles exhaled quietly and fell asleep. Nathan kissed his forehead, one arm around him, and watched him sleep.

***---***

“Charles?”

“Mph?”

“You awake?”

“No I’m dead, lemme ‘lone.”

Nathan gently kissed him. “C’mon. You have to get up. You’ve slept for three days and you’re getting kinda toxic.”

“I’m a lawyer, I’m s’posed t’ stink.”

Nathan nudged at him, kissing him again. “Come on,” he gently wheedled, helping him to sit up. “There’s my boy.”

“Noooooo…. Let me diiiieeeee….”

“I have sushi. You know how much you love raw fish.”

Charles forced one gluey eyelid open. “Sushi?”

“Uh huh.”

And miso soup?”

“Yeah, and that salad stuff in the sorta brine with the shrimp and the noodles that you like. So come on. Up. I poured you a bath.”

He released Charles and watched as he slowly listed to one side, finally landing on his side in a heap. Nathan sighed.

“Charles if you force me to give you a bath I am so gonna mention it on the Dethklok Minute. Complete with pictures.”

Charles pushed himself into a seated position. “I’m up.”

Nathan helped him into the bathroom, sitting with him as the chambermaid changed the sheets. He sat on the floor beside the bathtub, slowly running the warm wet washcloth over his back.

“How do you feel?”

“A little out of it but better.”

“I guess I shouldn’t have made you run in the field.”

“It was wonderful! I’m glad we did it. And I’m fine.” He kissed Nathan gently. “I’ve enjoyed the whole trip, frankly. Best vacation I’ve had in years.” He raised an eyebrow, a quirky smile on his lips. “You… care to join me?”

“Charles there is no way in hell we are both gonna fit in that tub.”

“I know, but the wet naked sliding around while we try to get out could be fun.”

“Until I fall on you and you drown while I slowly die on top of you of a massive skull fracture. Actually… that could be kinda cool.”

“Yes, well… let’s save that for the end of the relationship, hmm? That way we have something to look forward to.”

“Okay.” Nathan leaned forward and lightly nipped him. “So… what do we do now?”

“Well as soon as I’m feeling a bit better I’d like to go back to the commune and… tidy up the house a bit. I need to decide if I’m going to keep it. I probably will, it’s just… not easy to go back.”

“Well let’s not worry about it for now. Okay?”

Charles smiled, closing his eyes as Nathan washed his back. “Okay.”

***---***

Charles sat on the bed in the tiny house, looking around, trying to decide what he was feeling. The house had two rooms; a kitchen/living area, and a bedroom. The toilet was in a small shack out back, and the bath was a hand-carved wooden tub, filled with water heated on the stove. They had named the little house ‘Bag End’, and decorated it with all the things that should be in any good Hobbit hole. It was cramped and crowded, but they had loved it. They had lain together in the bed Randy had carved himself of redwood, holding each other, occasionally trying to make love, and talking. He had loved this house. Now it just seemed like a shrine to his murdered ideals.

He thought about their first night together in this house, in this bed. He remembered the windows being opened, and the sound of crickets, and someone singing. It had been summer, and they were naked beneath a thin quilt, realizing this relationship would not work. Charles recalled turning towards him, wanting to be held, and how Randy gently deflected him.

“I’m not ready yet,” he said quietly.

“I thought you loved me.”

“I do love you, Charlie. You’re the only person I ever think about. But I need time. Okay?”

“Okay,” said Charles quietly, knowing that there was not enough time in the world, because no matter how Randy felt for him, he just wasn’t sexually attracted to men. And it was not as if Charles was a delicate little pretty boy. He was short, but he was definitely a guy, broad shoulders, hairy chest and all. Still, he was willing to pretend that love would one day conquer all. How he wished he had the chance to be proven wrong.

He glanced out the hand-made stained glass windows, watching as Rosemary tried tentatively to make friends with Nathan; Lady Galadriel playing with an Orc, and discovering he really was quite sweet. Charles reached out to unlatch the window and eavesdrop on the pair. Rosemary was looking after the two month old child of a friend, which she had briefly handed to Nathan so she could clean some of the dirt off her own child. Nathan looked at the infant he held, his naturally intense and predatory expression making him look as if he was seriously considering eating him.

“His eyes are kinda strange.”

“Well he was born blind,” said Rosemary.

Nathan raised an eyebrow. He now looked like he was seriously considering eating him with ketchup.

“That’s brutal. Babies shouldn’t have to deal with that.”

“I agree, but I like to believe everything happens for a reason, even if we do not know what that reason is. Are you going to have children some day?”

“Oh god no.”

“Why not?”

“Well… for one… I’m… not real smart. And… I’d hate to…uh… turn out like my parents.”

“I’m sure they loved you.”

“It’s not about love. Yeah I’m sure they loved me too. I’m sure they loved me when they left me in a play pen and forgot about me and went out drinking, and… I’m sure Skwisgaar’s mom loved him when she locked him outside in winter to have sex with strangers, and when Pickles was made to feel like a waste of air until he left home at sixteen. And Toki when he was beaten into a corner and made to stay there and grew up without so much as a rock to play with because his dad thought toys would spoil him, and Murderface when he finally had to start pissing on furniture like an animal to get anyone to pay attention to him. It’s not about love. I’m sure in some way they loved us. But… should they have been allowed to raise us? No way. Not that… they really raised us. I think Charles is raising us. I always hear him muttering stuff about… y’know… wanting to thank our parents after we… do something really retarded. Like when we almost levelled Finland. And then… like… summoned a troll and did it again. If he left us we… well… we’d probably be living in our own filth and eating nothing but beer and popsicles. Actually we do that now. But Charles says we’re special. Knubbler says yeah like the Olympics. But I don’t know what that means.”

Rosemary was giggling helplessly, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. “I think you’re special. And I’m sorry I misjudged you.”

“It’s okay, you probably haven’t.”

Charles smiled, then looked around the bedroom. He had packed up and put away most of Randy’s clothes, stashing them in the small storage space under the bed. There didn’t seem to be any point to putting his other belongings away; it wasn’t as if they had a huge amount of material items, other than books.

Carlos had done a decent job of keeping the elements at bay; the house was dry, and grime and insects had not been allowed to gain a foot hold, but there was still a fair bit of cleaning to do. He found a beaded necklace Randy had liked and put it on, then changed into clothes better suited to puttering around and chasing the dust. He opened the door to let the place air out while he cleaned, keeping an eye on Nathan. Sweet or not he still had an uncanny ability to get himself into a huge amount of trouble with little to no effort.

The sound of hoof beats attracted Charles’ attention, and he glanced up to see an extremely pretty girl who looked to be about nineteen mounted on a huge, shaggy horse of questionable breed; the offspring of a Something Enormous mixed with a Something Hairy. Girl and horse were utterly naked. Charles sighed as Nathan turned to look. After all, it wasn’t every day a naked chick rode up on a horse.

“Hi!” she said. “You must be Charlie’s friend. I’m Elyse.”

“Hi. I’m… Nathan. Yeah. Nathan. You know Charles?”

“Well I was only a kid the last time he saw me, but yes I know him.”

Nathan reached out to pat the horse’s nose, while Rosemary took the baby back from him.

“So…” said Nathan, “why are you naked on a horse?”

“Oh I’m naked everywhere, not just on my horse. I believe beauty should not have to live in fear of violent and out-dated sexist attitudes. Women are always taking the blame for men’s violent urges and being made responsible for the actions of others. I believe I have the right to live as I please without being shackled by fear.”

“Yeah I used to believe dumb shit too.”

Charles watched as Rosemary nearly choked on her own laughter, desperately trying to contain herself. Elyse was affronted.

“It’s not dumb! Why can’t I live the way I want to?”

“You can live however you want,” said Nathan. “But there’s such a thing as taking responsibility for personal safety, too. I mean… I don’t care what you do, the people here don’t care what you do, but… uh… it’s pretty isolated up here. Some pack of brain-dead hunters out in the woods probably aren’t going to be interested in your personal opinions. They’ll just leave what’s left of you for the coyotes.”

“But that’s my whole point! Why should I have to live in fear just because I’m female?”

“You shouldn’t. But people are idiots.”

“So are you going to tell me to go get dressed?”

“Hell no, why should I care? It’s your butt, if you want horse hair stuck up it, that’s fine. But… well… I may call PETA. I mean did you ask that horse if he wanted your naked ass on his back? I mean… you did wipe, right?”

“You’re horrid!”

“Hey. Don’t… uh… force me to conform to your perception of human behaviour. I have a total right to be a dildo.”

Charles winced, pinching the bridge of his nose, then laughed quietly despite himself. He looked around the room in which he stood, feeling better than he had in a very long time.

“Well Randy, you’re finally home. Sorry it took me so long to get you here. I promise to come back and visit next summer. Sooner if possible.”

His attention was suddenly caught by the sound of a loud engine. Elyse’s horse spooked, and Nathan had to help her get it under control. The very ground shook, and small objects fell off shelves and onto the floor. Trees toppled over as a black monster emerged from the road, dragon head erect, steel body gleaming in the sun. Charles slapped his hand over his face.”

“What the hell is that?” asked Carlos, emerging from the tiny pantry where he had been checking the preserves to see if they were still edible. The smell of peaches and the shine of syrup on Carlos’ lips told Charles they were. He sighed.

“That would be the tour bus.”

“I guess you were right about how they don’t like to be separated. How did they track us down?”

“Well they have billions of dollars and nothing but time, I’m sure they found a way. You may want to move your stash box off the table or Pickles will smoke it all.”

The bus rolled to a halt, and the massive doors banged open. Charles just smiled and shook his head as he heard the familiar voices.

“Skwisgaar, look! Dey is having nakeds horsie rides!”

“Aw, Toki! Don’ts be ridings nakeds on da horse! You is getting diseases! Toki! Don’t… ah whys do I bothers even?”

“Oh…. GAHD! There’sh hippiesh… EVERYWHERE!”

“It’s a cah-mune, dildo, of course there’s hippies everywhere. Nathan! Dood we missed you! Where’s Ahfdensen? Is he okay?”

“Yeah, he’s in the blue house. Oh wait, here he comes.”

Charles walked out, wearing jeans, a t-shirt, Randy’s old Who headband and rose-tinted glasses.

“Hello boys. Nice to see you.”

Pickles, Skwisgaar, and Murderface stared in horror, then fled into the bus and slammed the door. Nathan slid an arm around Charles and nuzzled at him.

“Think they’ll ever come out?” asked Charles.

“I dunno. They could be in there quite a while. I don’t think they knew that grey suit came off.”

Charles kissed him. “Well you know better, don’t you?”

“Yeah.”

Charles touched his face, eyes only for Nathan, while in the background Toki Wartooth rode naked on a huge hairy horse, being chased by a naked nineteen year old girl.

It was nice to have things back to normal.

***---***

It was evening. Charles and Nathan were finally home, seated together on Nathan’s huge bed, eating sushi and arguing Rob Zombie’s skills as a movie maker, which Charles strongly felt were minimal.

“It’s predictable. Absolutely predictable. And cliché. The man never met a cheap 1970’s movie ploy he didn’t like. Half of this film is a rip-off of one of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre sequels, and the ending where they’re supposedly rescued and taken back to their tormentors has been done so many times I can’t even name the number of cheap horror flicks that featured it as their twist ending. Clearly the man didn’t waste any energy coming up with his own plots. It’s not even scary, it’s just… disgusting.”

“Yeah… well… maybe. But his music’s good.”

Charles slowly and deliberately ate a piece of sushi. Nathan waited for an answer. Charles slowly ate another piece.

“You don’t like his music either?”

“Personally, Nate, I think the man sucks rubber donkey balls.”

Nathan howled with laughter. “Oh man! Oh… god… Charles…. I wish I had a recording of that. No one will ever believe you said “rubber donkey balls”. That was hilarious.” He grinned at him. “You’re fucking cute, you know that.”

“Well… not at the moment. But… as soon as you get on top of me I will be.”

Nathan just stared at him, growling quietly as he watched Charles slowly lick soy sauce off his fingers. Grabbing the now-empty sushi plate he flung it aside and pounced on Charles, kissing him hard, tangling his fingers into his hair, wasting little time now that he was finally given the go-ahead to have him. He shredded the clothing off Charles’ body as if it were mere rags, growling quietly into his ear.

“Do you have any idea how many times I wanted to just come across the fucking conference table, throw you onto it and completely destroy you?”

“No but we can certainly do that sometime. You’re… ah… not one for wasting time, are you Nate? Uh… Nate… I think we need… Nate? You’re not…. NATHAN!”

He was inside in one thrust, driving deep and hard, causing the entire bed to thump and bang. Charles suspected this was as close as he would ever come to getting violated by a centaur. He reached out abruptly to stop a lamp from getting knocked off the side table but missed, hearing it strike the floor and shatter.

Charles threw his arms around Nathan’s neck, opting to just hang on for the ride, his face pressed against his flesh, Nathan’s long black hair falling across his cheek as he thrust hard and deep, snorting like a bull. Charles decided they would have to do some work on his technique, but in the meantime… yeah this was pretty good. Raw growling animal passion was an enormous improvement on shy and somewhat reluctant touches. Charles seemed to recall hearing something from someone about some odd trait Nathan had in bed. He tried to remember but his brain quickly decided that he could ponder later. Sex now, trivia afterwards.

Something gave in the bed with an odd, vaguely spring-like noise. Charles clutched Nathan hard, feeling his own passion rise quickly. Oh god. Oh yes. Oh this was so very good…

Charles cried out, clutching Nathan as he felt his own semen spill across his stomach, shuddering as his ardour slowly ebbed, and he felt himself relax and sink into the mattress, spent. He closed his eyes, content to wait for Nathan to finish, smiling as Nathan suddenly clutched him, biting down onto his shoulder, and he felt the massive penis drive deep, and the warmth of passion filling him…

Oh right. That was what he was trying to recall. Something about Nathan being a man of… unusually generous nature….

Oh he was so taking him to a doctor. There was absolutely no way this was normal or healthy. Okay Nathan… time to stop… any time now… this was supposed to be sex not an enema…

Nathan finally rolled off him, hitting the mattress with force enough to make the bed shake. Slowly Charles sat up, a look of complete distaste on his face.

“You couldn’t have warned me, hmm?”

“Oh. Yeah. Uhh… I kinda make a mess.”

“Thank you, noted. I now know what a piece of newspaper in papier-mâché glue feels. Well if you will excuse me, I’ll…

Suddenly the door to Nathan’s room was flung open. Charles yanked the covers over himself as there was a dog pile on the bed and a roadie gleefully bringing up the rear, wielding a camera on a tripod. Toki hugged Charles.

"We is makings Christmas cards!" he announced brightly.

“It’s August!” said Charles as Pickles spooned Nathan, happily drunk. Charles fished around under the covers until he found and pulled out Nathan's robe. He slipped it on, not comfortable being naked during a pile-on, and especially not with Toki clinging to him. He was even less comfortable knowing there was a puddle beneath him, and being very aware of the complete and absolute lack of boundaries the guys had with each other.

“Ja we know is August,” said Toki. “Buts we wants do it now befores we sobers up.”

Charles adjusted the robe. “That door needs a lock,” he muttered.

Pickles grinned. “We’re… ah… not interrupting, are we?”

Charles gave him a look of pure flaming death. Nathan just shrugged.

“Nah. Well… two minutes earlier and you would have.”

“Two minutes earlier, huh?” Pickles had a wicked gleam in his eye as he looked at Charles. “Soooo… is it true?”

“Is what true?” asked Charles irritably as the roadie fussed with the camera.

“About the mess he leaves.”

“I really don’t see how that is…”

"Oh ja!" said Toki, happily high on something and chatty. "I heards abouts dis!” He turned to Skwisgaar. “Remembers dose t'ree ladies in France? Dey says Nat'an could screws holes in wood and left swamps ins da bed so big yous could have t'ree or four babies off dat. Marie tolds ones of da girls she is hads to have two baths because was just so much it's not stops coming out and was ruining her skirt. An' Jasmines says she nots know how he don't die of da hydration. Belle says she was s'prised his nuts nots come out, too. Hey you know is goods sits an' gossip wit's groupies, you is learn t'ings abouts you friends you is nevers knows otherwise." He nuzzled up to Skwisgaar, flirting shyly and badly. "Everyt'ing dey says abouts you true."

Charles was mortified. He cleared his throat, trying to keep his voice even. “Thank you, Toki, that was... horrifying. I don't want you talking with the groupies alone anymore, okay?”

"Oh you no fun," said Toki, pouting.

"I need a hundred beer," said Nathan. "Exactly one hundred." He noticed Pickles reaching under the covers and feeling the sheet, patting until something made a decidedly wet and un-sheet-like splat.

"Yep,” said Pickles, “I'd say it's true." He pulled his hand out and looked at it, then showed everyone. Toki shrieked as the roadie just kept cheerfully doing what he was told and taking pictures.

"Jeez Nathan a condom wouldn't do a hell of a lot of good with you, would it?” said Pickles. “You can practically hear them poor little sperms flipping on the sheet. I mean jeez have a heart. Of course the lake down there should be able to sustain them a few days."

Charles stared at Pickles, eyes wide and jaw hanging in absolute incredulity at what he had just done. “Pickles, for god's sake! You… You just don't… Go wash your hands!! Quickly! Please!” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “You are all much too comfortable with each other.”

Skwisgaar shoved at Pickles’ shoulder. “Aw, Pickle! You makes dem mad and dey kicks us out of bigs bed now. We coulds have havings sleepovers!”

Murderface meanwhile was positively repulsed by what Pickles had just done. “Oh GOD!!!! How can you toucsh that??!!! It'sh another dude'sh... shtuff!!”

Pickles just snorted. "Yeah like I've never been covered in Nathan's stuff before. Hey Nathan, remember that night in Amsterdam you said you wanted a Skwisgaar sandwich with Pickles on top? And we couldn't have a sleepover in this bed anyway; at least two of us would have drowned in that lake in there."

Charles’ head snapped towards Nathan, brown eyes large, this being the first he had heard of such an event. Nathan tried desperately to look innocent as Toki prattled on to Murderface.

"Is nots sick!" said Toki, "is kinda cools when you is t'inks about its. Is likes... life before life. I reads all abouts it. Is amazing! Don'ts sees whats da big deal is." He raised an eyebrow, actually managing to look as if he was having a thought. "Den again nots sure I is stickings my hand in it either." He pondered the issue a moment, then simply gave into his naturally impulsive nature and shoved his head under the covers to look. "Wowee! Dere is Baltic Sea in here!"

Charles abruptly decided that there is indeed a line, and they've all just pole-vaulted over it. He ran a hand through his hair and shoved his glasses up on his nose, trying to contain his outrage.

“Alright, everyone out of the bed. This is not a sleepover. You!” he said, indicating the roadie. “Please leave. Toki, you and Pickles go into the washroom and wash your hands, and I mean with soap, don't just run them under the water. Murderface, take Skwisgaar and go bye-bye. Now. We can discuss how frightfully, horridly…. WRONG this entire situation was at a later date. Now all of you please leave!”

There was a long, astonished silence, then Skwisgaar raised an eyebrow.

"Boy someone is gots fucks on da wrong sides of da beds."

“Ja dat is for sures,” said Toki. He wiped his hand on Murderface's butt, failing to notice as Murderface indulged in a very deep, prolonged shudder. Skwisgaar nipped Toki’s shoulder.

“Comes on, Toki. Maybe we's washes hands and leaving. Not so sure I wants sleeps in bed fulls of little Nat'ans anyway. Don'ts wants to wakes up pregnants wit’ little Explosions.”

“Dood that sounds painful,” said Pickles.

Slowly the group filed out of the room, off to cause chaos in another part of the keep. Nathan turned towards Charles and gently drew him close.

"Don't mind them, okay?" he said softly.

Charles was annoyed, and the smallest bit humiliated as well. “Is that going to be a frequent occurrence? I realize I’ve known you a few years but I’ve only joined the proverbial inner sanctum recently. I mean… I’ve seen you all asleep in the main room together countless times but… I didn’t realize… I mean…” He struggled for words, then finally blurted out; “Is the concept of boundaries one you have heard of?”

“Well yeah, we’ve heard of it. But… Charles… you said it yourself. We’re not just a band, we’re family. One big happy fucked up demented little family that doesn’t really work the way other ones do.”

Charles arranged the blankets, then climbed over Nathan to where the sheets were dry. He settled beside him. “And here I thought it was just going to be the two of us.”

Nathan laughed quietly, drawing him close, kissing him gently, trying to soothe him. “Sorry. We’re… uh… sort of a packaged deal.”

Charles sighed quietly, settling close to him, resting his head on his chest, one hand trailing over Nathan’s stomach.

“Can it be just two of us in here?”

“Yeah we can do that.”

“And… I’m not going to find out I’m sharing your heart and body, am I?”

“Not the body, no. And… not the part of my heart that’s… like… connected to my body. Well I mean it is, but…”

“That’s fine Nathan, I understand. So… it is just the two of us, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. I guess it is.” Nathan drew the covers up over Charles. “I think I like that.”

“Nathan?”

“Yeah?”

“I expect you to put a lock on that door.”

Nathan kissed him softly. “You’re no fun.”